Well dear"
the mother explained " Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go to bed and hug and kiss and have sex." The little girl looked puzzled. "That means that Daddy puts his penis in Mommy's vagina. That's
where babies come from."
"Oh I see" replied the daughter. "But the other night when I came in your room, you had Daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do
that?" she asked.
"Anything, I want honey" the mother replied
A mother is with her 5 year old boy at the zoo when they reach the elephant
cage. The 5 year old boy looks with amazement at the large beast and says
to his mom, "What's that long thing hanging down from the elephant?"
The
mom replies "That's his trunk". The little boy says, "I know that, the
thing to the other side of the trunk." The mom replies "Oh, that's his
tail". The boy goes, "I know that! No, what's that big thing hanging down
inbetween the trunk and tail." The mother, wanting to avoid this subject
at all costs, just says "Oh, that's nothing" and whisks him off to the next
exhibit.
Two weeks later he goes to the same zoo with his dad. They are at the
elephant exhibit and he asks his dad "What's that long thing hanging down
from the elephant?"
The dad replies, "That's his trunk." "No, behind
that!" says the kid. "Oh, well that's his tail" replies the father. "NO,
in-between the trunk and the tail!" yells the kid. The father replies,
"Son, that's the elephant's penis." The kid, a bit puzzled, tells his dad,
"But Mom said it was nothing."
The dad replied, "Well, your mom's been
spoiled." 
A pregnant woman walks into a bank, and lines up at the first available teller. Just at that moment, the bank gets robbed. She is shot 3 times in the stomach and is rushed to the hospital.
After surgery, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor says, "Oh! You are going to have triplets! Each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach, but don't worry, the bullets will pass through their system in a matter of years."
Soon after, the woman has 3 children--2 girls and a boy.
Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says "Mommy, I've done a very strange thing!"
Her mother asks her what happened and her daughter replies, "I passed a bullet into the toilet."
The woman comforts her and explains all about the accident at the bank.
A few weeks later, her other daughter comes up to her with tears in her eyes. "Mommy, I've done a very bad thing!"
The mother says, "Let me guess. You passed a bullet in the toilet, right?"
The daughter looks up from her teary eyes and says "Yes. How did you know?" The mother comforts her child and explains about the incident at the bank.
A month later the boy comes up and says "Mommy, I've done a very bad thing!"
"You passed a bullet into the toilet, right?", she asks.
"No. I was masturbating and I shot the dog." 
<~~That's for you, Eriqua!
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