Just Plain Warped!
A little boy asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
The boy, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the storks?
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?
During a lull in the rehearsal the groom and best man, two long time friends and playboys, began to compare conquests.
The groom, looking out over the crowd, said to his best man, "You know Bill, except for my wife to be, my two sisters and my mother, I've made love to every woman in this room."
To which his friend responded, "Well then, between the two of us we've had them all!"
Lil' Johnny and his friend were at school and heard the word "penis" while they were playing on the school yard.
Johnny's friend asked him if he knew what a penis was. He said he didn't know but would ask his dad when he got home.
That evening, Johnny asked his dad, "Dad, what's a penis?"
His father said, "Son, I'll not only tell you, I'll show you." So they went into the bathroom. Pop lowered his pants and proudly announced, "Son, that's a penis. Not only is it a penis, but it's a perfect penis!"
The next day at school, Lil' Johnny found his friend and took him into the bathroom. Johnny lowered his pants and said, "See that? That's a penis."
He paused for a moment and added, "Not only is it a penis, but if it were two inches shorter, it'd be a perfect penis!"
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party.
(Then he had a bright idea)
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation." said the man "I just came in my pants!"
A deaf mute walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on shelf.
Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket.
Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."
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