--One-Liners & Quickies--
Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?
A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough. If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.
Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A: They irritate the shit out of you.
Q: What do the gynecologist and the Domino's delivery man have in common?
A: They both get to smell the pie but neither one of them can eat it.
Q: What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?
A: A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.
Q: What do you call a Roman with hair between his teeth?
A: Gladiator.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries.
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A: His wife died.
Q: Why are roach clips called roach clips?
A: Because "pot holder" was already taken.
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
A: You can eat your Mom's apple pie.
Q: Why do Southern guys go to family reunions?
A: To meet chicks.
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Pee Wee Herman in their holding cell at the jail?
A: "Stop playing with my lunch."
Q: If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you:
(1) go to lunch or (2) read the paper?
Q: How do you get a horny dog to stop humping on your leg?
A: Pick him up and start sucking his dick.
Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your whole week (hole weak).
The Answer: A Cockrobin.
The Question: What are you putting in my mouth, Batman?
Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace.
Q: What do you call the inanimate tissue around a vagina?
A: A woman.
Q: What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A salad shooter...........
Q: What is the difference between women and computers?
A: A women will not take a 3.25 inch floppy.
Q: Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?
A: Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P.
Q: Why don't the cheerleaders in San Francisco wear short skirts?
A: Because when they sit down their balls hang out.
Q. What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A. A Blowjob with handles.
Q. How can you tell if a redneck is married?
A. There are tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q. Did you hear about the constipated Wheel of Fortune player?
A. He wanted to buy a bowel.
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a throw on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards.
Q: What has 200 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row of a Hanson concert.
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