Top Ten Lists
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty at the Office, But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. HMMMMMMM......I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish
3. It's an entry-level position
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty at the office but isn't:
1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty in Golf, But Aren't:
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty in Law, But Aren't:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in my chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?
Top Ten Things You Don't Want to Hear From Technical Support:
10. "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"
9. "...That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."
8. "So -- what are you wearing?"
7. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"
6. "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape,
and a car battery."
5. "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
4. "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
3. "Hold on a second ... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"
2. "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."
And the Number 1 Thing You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support...
1. "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."
Email: bmit69@aol.com
