Alternate Ending should be a term used loosely when pertaining to this. It's actually eleven pages long, and the plot events are the same, but with somewhat different dialogue. Several jokes here weren't remembered well enough to be included in the final ending. It begins right after Wade and Bob-Dave had the cops throw the PPV Squad out of the line for Smackdown tickets.
(The PPV Squad is thrown out of the line and deposited in the parking lot.)
Croooooow: Nice job, guys. Now what are we supposed to do?
Huh: Go get something to eat?
Y2Jay: We already bought food.
(He throws the bag of dog food onto the ground.)
Y2Jay: Here. Enjoy.
(Huh whoops with joy, rips open the bag and begins devouring its contents.)
Nykk: Anyway, we have to come up with a new plan to get to the front of the line. I don't think they'll fall for the same thing twice, even if they are wrestling fans.
Voice: What? You people need Stone Cold's help, is that it?
(They turn around to face none other than Stone Cold Steve Austin.)
Cheesecake: Steve Austin!? You'd be willing to help us?
Austin: What'd you say to me? What? I said, what'd you say to me?
(The Squad looks at each other helplessly.)
Nykk: You don't have to be your gimmick around us, Steve. We're not marks.
Austin: What? No, seriously, I can't hear you. I forgot to take out these earplugs.
(He pulls some earplugs from his ears and throws them away.)
Austin: You wouldn't believe how much Debra snores.
Huh: What the hell is this shit!?
(Huh stands up, holding the bag of dog food.)
Huh: IAMS? Everyone knows that Alpo's the best!
Austin: (sneering) Well isn't that cute?
Huh: Huh?
Austin: Look atcha! Yer pathetic! Do you think you deserve to be in the same ring as Stone Cold Steve Austin?
Huh: I don't…
Austin: What? Did you say something? You think your worthy to talk to ol' Stone Cold?
Nykk: Perfect. Just keep berating him.
Cynric: What are you doing?
Nykk: I've got a plan.
(The rest follow Nykk up to the line while Austin yells at Huh.)
Nykk: Hey everyone! Stone Cold Steve Austin's over there! If you hurry, you might even get a complimentary Stunner!
(The crowd gasps and many run over to Austin and Huh, crowding around them in jubilance. However, more than a few diehards are still in line.)
Nykk: Damn, I thought that would work.
Cheesecake: I'll handle th'th!
(He saunters closer to the line and pulls up one pant leg.)
Croooooow: (holds his head) Oh no…
Cheesecake: Hello boy'th! Do'th anybody want th'ome… Cheesecake!?
(Surprisingly enough, quite a few men leave the line to stalk Cheesecake, who didn't quite expect such a good response.)
Cheesecake: No, no… back off! I only pretend to be gay…
(He runs away, the crowd of men following. The Hardcore Hamster smacks the rest until his hands are sore until only Wade and Bob-Dave are left in the line.)
Bob-Dave: You guys again? We're calling the cops! Wade!
(Wade turns but gets hit in the face with the Cookie Sheet of Doom by Nykk, who had sneaked up from behind. Wade falls to the ground unconscious.)
Bob-Dave: (turns to Nykk) How could you do that to him!? Don't you know that we have the potential to be the most hardcore tag team in wrestling history? Paul told us so!
Croooooow: Hey Bob-Dave!
Bob-Dave: What?
(He turns around to get punched in the face by Croooooow and Cynric. He drops like a fly. The Squad takes their place in line as Cheesecake and Huh walk up to join them.)
Y2Jay: Art! How did you get away?
Cheesecake: Austin started beating up my pursuers for me. I grabbed Nathan and came back here.
Croooooow: Well, it looks like we've past the climax, so I guess all we do now is wait for the box office to open.
(The Squad settles down for the night, watching movies and playing video games. The rest of the line gradually drifts back, unaware that they had been duped. As the sun rises, the Squad gets their stuff packed away and waits anxiously.)
Cynric: How much longer?
Croooooow: Ten seconds!
Shrew Voice: Hold it!
(They look up at the owner of ECW, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley.)
Steph: You're in Alliance territory now, PPV Squad! The acquiring of these tickets is crucial to our master plan! Don't think for one minute that we're going to let you have these seats, not as long as… what are you doing?
(The PPV Squad is holding their ears.)
Cynric: Stop talking!
Steph: Fine! You wanna do this the hard way?
(She runs off to the side while Rhyno, Shawn Stasiak, the Dudley Boyz and Mike Awesome advance on the Squad. The rest of the line fidgets excitedly, not wanting to give up their places again.)
Cheesecake: (holds the Squad back) We'll handle this. Let's do it, Nykk.
Nykk: Ew! No!
Cheesecake: (sighs) No, Manhouse and Slamcheese!
Nykk: Oh. Right.
Nykk and Cheesecake: (join fists) PPV Squad Powers activate!
(Their bodies balloon up into those of Hack "Big Mac" Manhouse and Big McLargeHuge, otherwise known as the mighty Slamcheese. The Alliance members stop dead in their tracks except for Rhyno.)
Rhyno: Maim people!
(He attempts to gore Slamcheese, but bounces off his belly and flies off into the distance.)
Slamcheese: Slamcheese, ahahahaha!
(They go to work, beating the crap out of the Alliance members. Then they revert to Nykk and Cheesecake.)
Croooooow: All right! They won't mess with us again! Uh oh…
(The Alliance no-sells the attack and get to their feet. The rest of the Alliance joins them.)
Cynric: We're screwed!
(As the Alliance advances, a helicopter lands in the parking lot, and the place fills with WWF Superstars. They spot Vince McMahon, who's hitting Jeff Hardy with a broom.)
Vince: Git! Git! Damn Hardys, always in my way. PPV Squad!
(He walks up to them.)
Vince: I just found out the full extent of Heyman's ticket plan so I thought I'd come and help out.
Y2Jay: Great! Let's kick some ass!
Vince: No, you'll just screw it up. Show!
(The Big Show lumbers up to them and one by one, throws them into a dumpster. While this is happening, the WWF starts brawling with WCW/ECW. Spike Dudley goes up against Raven. Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho team up against Steve Austin and Booker T. The Acolytes trade punches with the Dudley Boyz, and so on.)
Show: You stay out! We not like you interfere. AAAGHHH!
(Show charges into the fray. The Squad, of course, doesn't listen and climbs out.)
Croooooow: We have to do something, guys!
(A whoosh of wind distracts them as the Hurricane arrives on the scene.)
Hurricane: Aha! The evil Vince McMahon has sent his lackeys to do battle with the Hurricane. But never fear, for the Hurricane fights injustice at every turn! You will not defeat the Alliance, for our powers far outmatch yours.
(Suddenly, the Squad is surrounded by Hurricane, Lance Storm, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Hugh Morrus, Mark Jindrak, Chris Kanyon and Tommy Dreamer as the fighting music from the 70s Batman show starts up. Croooooow hits Storm *BAM!* Nykk kicks Chavo *WHAM!* Huh sits on Dreamer *OOF!* Cynric clotheslines Hurricane *CRACK* Cheesecake trips Kanyon *D'OH!* the Hardcore Hamster smacks Hugh *SMACK!* and Y2Jay kicks Jindrak in the balls *SNOOGINS!*)
Nykk: That was easy.
(They look to the box office, where a big brawl has erupted. People in the line have fled to avoid being hurt, but it looks as though the Alliance is starting to win.)
Croooooow: Okay, Pyro Twins, what do you got for us?
Hamster: Just give us a minute!
(Y2Jay and the Hardcore Hamster dash off somewhere. The rest of the Squad joins in on the action. Paul Heyman is giving directions, but a hawk swoops in and distracts him.)
Nykk: Hey, Uncle Ted sent help! What a nice psycho!
(Shawn Stasiak notices Y2Jay in the distance and charges at him with a wild cry.)
Huh: Oh no you don't! Like I said, I'm the biggest idiot around here!
(Huh charges Stasiak with a wild cry and lunges, missing by a mile. Stasiak tackles Y2Jay but hits his head on the concrete wall of the Nutter Center, knocking him out. The Y2Jay he tackled was actually a cardboard cut-out.)
Croooooow: Finally found some use for that thing.
Cynric: All right guys, we need to get to the box office! Which way to we go? Left?
Nykk: Right.
(Nykk goes left, and the rest go right.)
Nykk: What are you doing?
Cheesecake: You said right!
Nykk: Right.
Croooooow: What, you meant left?
Nykk: Right!
Cheesecake: Okay, we'll go right.
Nykk: No, left!
(They're interrupted by Y2Jay running toward them.)
Y2Jay: Get down!
(Behind him, the Hardcore Hamster is hanging on for dear life to the back of a missile. It quickly overtakes Y2Jay, ramming him in the back and taking him up into the air with them. The missile goes every which way and wrestlers scatter to get out of its path. Finally, the Pyro Twins jump off and land on the ground. The missile blasts off into the horizon and doesn't come back.) Y2Jay: I wonder where it went.
Elsewhere…
(Vince Russo shakes hands with his long-time friend Ed Ferrara on a park bench.)
Russo: Hey Ed, just got those bandages off your face?
Ed: Yeah, I can't believe we survived when that arena exploded. I was in the hospital for months. How about you?
Russo: Yeah, I just removed the last of my bandages today. It feels great to walk around with the air in my face again. Can you believe they replaced me with a robot Vince Russo on Nitro? It made even worse booking decisions than me!
Ed: (quietly) I was making the decisions…
(Suddenly, the missile hits the ground in front of them and a loud explosion occurs. Back at the Nutter Center, it seems the wrestlers have grown weary of brawling senselessly. Without a commercial break to go to, they simply wander around confused. The PPV Squad, meanwhile, is buying tickets.)
Nykk: Hey Vince! We bought your tickets. You have to give us our jobs back now!
Vince: (trying to sneak away) What?
(The Squad walks over to him.)
Croooooow: We each bought the maximum of eight tickets. That means we have fifty six floor seats for you to disperse.
Vince: How about that? You actually did what you intended to do for once. And not by accident.
Nykk: Hey, we did, didn't we? Go figure.
Huh: So do we get our jobs back?
Vince: I still have to attempt to weasel out of my promise. Standard operating procedures, you understand.
Huh: Oh. Yeah.
Vince: I'll let you back in the WWF if you can answer me this one question. But you must choose which of you will answer.
Croooooow: Let's draw straws.
(He sifts through the abundance of string in his pockets until he finds seven straws. Cheesecake, Huh, Y2Jay, the Hardcore Hamster and Cynric all draw normal-sized ones. Croooooow holds his hand out to Nykk.)
Croooooow: You want to pick first or let me?
Nykk: (picks the short straw) You know, this is a really obscure reference.
Vince: All right, your job depends on this one question.
(Nykk nods.)
Vince: Who in the hell was behind GTV!? I gotta know!
Nykk: (sighs) It always comes back to that fucking angle! All right, the answer isn't who, but what. G stands for Gift. The storyline was my gift to you. Understand?
Vince: Oh. That was… a bit of a letdown.
Nykk: (shrugs) What do you expect? This is what happens when you build up a mystery this long.
Vince: All right, you can come back to work.
Croooooow: You obviously already have an overabundance of talent. Seeing as how we would like some time to let the fans get used to our characters, why don't we use the Dusty from the Future's time-traveling Monte Carlo to go back in time to a year or so ago and start from there?
Cheesecake: Is this a cheap plug for PPV Squad Renegade?
Croooooow: Yes. Yes it is.
Nykk: Maybe you should plug it when you intend on FINISHING it.
Vince: That's a good idea, actually. That way by now I'll have gotten used to the pain of associating with you people.
Nykk: (shrugs) You guys up to it?
Croooooow: I'm your tag team partner and the King of Memphis, remember? I think we'll be able to handle anything wrestling throws our way.
Cheesecake: Be back'th'age with tho'th th'exy wre'th'lers, de'th'igning co'th'tumes? Count Chee'th'cake in!
Y2Jay: Why not? I'd rather build and take down rings every night than cooking Grade F meat.
Cynric: This gig could be just what I need to kick in those creative juices. Give me a couple of chapters to put together a few designs and I'll be there!
Hamster: Sure, I'll blow up some shit. Besides, if ya don't take me along, I'll smack ya!
Huh: Huh?
Nykk: All right then, it's settled. Remember, after we get back to last year we need to remember to send the time machine to get ourselves, got it?
(The Squad nods in unison. Suddenly, the Monte Carlo from 2050 appears and comes to a stop in front of them. Spray painted on the side is 'ALL YOUR BASE BELONG TO US.')
Hamster: Look what they did to my car!
Croooooow: Speaking of obscure references.
(They all get in the car, with the Hardcore Hamster driving. Y2Jay frowns and pulls something out of the seat.)
Y2Jay: Hey, I finally got my quarter back!
Nykk: Is everyone ready?
(They all voice their agreement.)
Cheesecake: Well, this is the end of the last Episode. Feels kind of weird. Like the end of an era or something.
Nykk: Hey, at least we're not going out with an old wrestling cliché… oh, wait, end of an era… never mind.
(The Hardcore Hamster starts the car, which blasts off into time.)
The End