Sorry about putting off the November to Remember review, but I'm sure no one cares anymore. If anyone does, I would have rated it about **1/4. Tonight's PPV is sponsored by ECW Hardcore Revolution THE VIDEO GAME.
This was supposed to be a dream mystery partner with Tajiri and Super Crazy on opposing teams, but in typical ECW fashion, they screwed up the angle and Steve Corino introduced Crazy as Tajiri's partner. An angry Little Guido and Fat Bastard stormed the ring, demanding to know why Guido wasn't chosen as Corino had promised. Paul Heyman emerged from the dressing room and said the F word a lot, and somehow Jerry Lynn became Guido's partner. This was a very well-executed match, although a little spotty here and there. All the men did their big spots, and nothing was blown. The end came when Tajiri and Crazy argued over who would pin Lynn. Tajiri kicked Crazy and hit a brainbuster to score the win. Corino got on the mic, which prompted Oldust to come out and give all the heels the two moves he knows: the bionic elbow and the destructive, devious, and devastating... scoop slam! The heels ended up getting the better of him, and the locker room emptied to help Dusty.
Rating: ***3/4
These two are spotty as hell and I knew this match would be one big spotfest, but it actually wasn't that bad. Before the match, Bill Alfonso cut a promo with both men. While talking with RVD, he started running down names he had beaten in his reign as champ. Alfonso would respond to each one: "He's not Sabu."
Croooooow: Then there was that time he beat Sabu, but he's not Sabu!
Van Dam came to the ring and acknowledged his recovered wife, who's not Sabu. A sign that wasn't Sabu claimed that Sabu was one tough Mmmph. It was the usual stuff you'd expect to see from these two, with chairs and tables that weren't Sabu. Sabu set up a table on the corner of the guardrail and splashed Van Dam through it, and Sabu looked to be in real pain after taking the guardrail in the sternum. Finally, Van Dam executed a Five Star Frog Splash from about 3/4 of the way across the ring to win the match.
Rating: ***
Nova has a funky new outfit! This was a pretty good six-person, but wasted no time in turning into a clusterf*ck. Dick Hertz came to ringside shortly into the match, and Jazz wasted no time in going after Dick. Kid Kash joined the fray, and soon, all three seemingly vanished into thin air, leaving Nova. Chris Chetti joined the match, and the ref didn't mind. Well, this was the same ref who executed a pescado later on in the match. Anyhoo, Doring and Roadkill looked pretty good and Nova unveiled his new move, DDT Squared (a reverse DDT the way Christian does it, and he then picks up the wrestler with out letting go for a regular reverse DDT). Pretty soon, everyone was executing a plancha on the outside, including the aforementioned ref! Of course, the drunk cameraman missed it. Eventually, Roadkill put away Nova with an Amish Splash. The Dupp-ley Brotherz interfered afterwards, attacking everyone.
Rating: ***
This wasn't as bad as everyone thought it would be. Not by a longshot. Spike set up tables all around the ring before the match started. Spike ended up getting thrown through most of them, including being tossed through double stacked tables on the outside. He tried to Acid Drop Awesome through a table, but ended up going through it himself. As the match progressed, it turned competitive, making the fans believe that Awesome might lose the belt. However, an Awesome Bomb through a table in the ring from the top dashed Spike's hopes.A clean win, and no botched spots.
Rating: **3/4
Though mostly a brawl, the action remained decent for most of the match. Tommy took Justin for a stroll around the arena, and Raven brawled back to the set, where the Impact Players were thrown off and through tables. Great camera shot of Tommy Dreamer and Raven doing their pose simultaneously. Back in the ring, T&A took over, which led to Justin Credible scoring the victory when he executed That's Incredible on Raven.
Rating: **1/2
This was a short match, and not really all that good for an opener. Whipwreck hit a nice headscissors thingie on the outside, but C.W. Anderson does not belong in ECW. Plus they stuck him with this sad parody of a gimmick with the New Dangerous Alliance. Lou E. Dangerously helped Anderson win with the use of a cellphone.
Rating: *3/4
Yep, New Jack, what can I say? Numerous illogical weapons and no gee-tar. We all decided to see how many puns we could make when the weapons were used. New Jack hit Angel with a Stop sign (Everyone: STOP!) a mailbox (Cynric: Mail call! Me: You've got mail!) and also used a cheese grater (Croooooow: This really grates on my nerves! Me: Grrrrrrate!). Angel turned the tide, when, as Croooooow put it, Da Baldies interfered in a no-DQ match where their sole purpose was to stand around and interfere. They brawled in the crowd and New Jack did one of his dives, which the camera angle made look really crappy. Angel won somehow.
Rating: *1/4 (quarter of a star for the jump)
Random Sound of the Night: As Jerry Lynn made his way to the ring, he passed a fan who for seemingly no reason, yelled "Suck!" straight into the camera. Sentence fragments, just phrases!
Overall Rating: **3/4