1993… "Bret Hart is the King of the Ring!" 1994… "'The Rocket' Owen Hart, I don't believe it…" 1996… "Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass!" 1997… "Hunter Hearst Helmsley… victorious…" 2000… "He got him! Oh my gosh!" "He did it! Kurt Angle did it!" 2001… "Edge prevailed. Edge is the 2001 King of the Ring!" 2002… "The King (King) of the Ring (King) King (of the Ring)…" "The one chance…" "That's my shot…" "The opportunity…" "The stepping stone…" "The most grueling…" "…brutal tournament…" "Sixteen men…" "One winner…" "Four rounds…" "Four victories…" "To become the King of the Ring…" "Test." "Rob Van Dam." "Chris Jericho." "Brock Lesnar." "Winning King of the Ring will give Test something he deserves..." "The winner of King of the Ring gets a title shot at SummerSlam..." "The chance to become the Undisputed Champion..." "This is gonna be one hell of a summer for Rob Van Dam." "The next Undisputed Champion will be the Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar." "The King (King) of the Ring (of the Ring) King (King) of the Ring (of the Ring)."
And now, the sponsorless WWE King of the Ring!
Pyro explodes, fans cheer and we are live at the Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio. Jim Ross and Jerry "the King" Lawler are at ringside, and there's ME up in Section 106, Row T! However, I will not be announcing tonight.
King of the Ring Semifinal: Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho
They lock up to start, and Jericho gets a side headlock. He segues into a hammerlock, but RVD reverses into a hammerlock of his own. Jericho counters with an armwringer, and cranks on the arm. RVD reverses the hold and gives Jericho some quick kicks to the chest. He cranks on Jericho's arm, but Jericho grabs the hair and counters into a side headlock. RVD pushes him to the ropes and lays in some shots to the stomach. He pushes to the ropes on the other side of the ring and Jericho sends him down with a shoulder block. "I'm the King of the World!" Jericho off the ropes, RVD drops down, leapfrogs, Jericho ducks a clothesline, RVD ducks a clothesline, RVD off the ropes, and sends Jericho down with a back elbow. RVD hits an armdrag, Jericho hits an armdrag, both men dropkick at the same time, and we have a stand off. RVD reminds Jericho that he's Rob… Van… Dam, and gets slapped in the face. He retaliates with a kick to Jericho's head. Jericho backs into the corner and RVD hits him with forearms and kicks. He whips him to the opposite corner, somersaults and jumps, hitting a monkey flip. RVD hits a corkscrew legdrop and gets a two count. RVD with some kicks and forearms and whips him into the ropes, but eats a flying forearm from Jericho. Jericho hits him with some right hands and then backs him into the ropes. He whips him into the ropes, but RVD hangs onto the top rope for a moment and then charges, but gets a spinning heel kick to the face. RVD rolls onto the apron and Jericho tries a springboard plancha, but RVD ducks and Jericho hits the floor. RVD bounces off the ropes and nails a somersault plancha. Both men get up after a few moments, and RVD gives Jericho a roundhouse kick. Jericho rolls into the ring and RVD goes to the top rope, delivering his jumping kick. He goes to the opposite corner and jumps up to the top rope, but Jericho uses his foot to shove the ref into the ropes and crotch RVD. He goes up with RVD and hits a butterfly superplex that gets a two count. He kicks RVD in the head and rams his head into the top turnbuckle. Jericho with some right hands, whips RVD to the opposite corner and charges. RVD gets a foot up in Jericho's face and uses his own legs to take Jericho down into a pinning predicament, getting a two count. He gets up, but Jericho's faster and hits a clothesline that gets him a two count. Jericho decides to expose one of the top turnbuckles, but the ref says that's a no-no and tries to put the pad back on. Meanwhile, Jericho tries a vertical suplex, but RVD counters into an inside cradle. The ref is still in the corner and out of position, so RVD only gets a two count. RVD gives Jericho some rights, but Jericho ducks one and hits the Breakdown for a two count. Jericho chokes RVD on the middle rope and then unwraps some tape from his wrist to choke RVD some more. He lays RVD's chest across the middle rope and gives him some forearms to the back. Jericho bounces off the ropes and leaps at RVD, but he moves and Jericho crotches himself on the middle rope. RVD hits some forearms and whips Jericho into the ropes, but it's reversed. Jericho nails RVD with a knee in the midsection. Jericho applies a modified surfboard, but RVD fights to his feet and kicks Jericho in the midsection. He backs him into the corner with forearms and whips him to the opposite corner, but Jericho reverses and charges. RVD moves and Jericho goes shoulder first into the ring post. Jericho charges, RVD ducks a clothesline and hits him with more forearms and a spinning heel kick. RVD whips him into the ropes, reversed, but RVD hits another spinning heel kick. Jericho backs into the corner and RVD whips him out of it. Jericho reverses and charges, but RVD kicks him in the face and hits a springboard kick for a two count. Jericho swings, RVD ducks, catches Jericho's foot and hits his stepover heel kick. RVD bounces off the ropes, cartwheels and delivers a standing moonsault for a two count. He whips Jericho into the ropes, but Jericho slides under him, RVD jumps over a leg sweep, and Jericho hits a standing enzugiri that gets two. Jericho argues the count and gives RVD some rights. He whips him into the exposed turnbuckle and tries a bulldog, but RVD ducks, Jericho ducks a spinning heel kick, and folds up RVD with a release German suplex that gets a two count. Jericho with some rights, whips RVD into the ropes, reversed, RVD puts his head down and gets kicked in the face, Jericho off the ropes, RVD with a flapjack, dropping Jericho onto the top rope. RVD hits the split-legged moonsault for a close two count. Jericho backs into the corner and RVD drives his shoulder into Jericho's midsection, backflips and charges, but Jericho counters into a sunset flip and segues into a Walls of Jericho attempt. RVD twists around and takes Jericho over in a victory roll for a two count. RVD whips Jericho into the ropes, reversed, Jericho dropkicks, RVD catches his feet and gives him a slingshot into the exposed turnbuckle. However, Jericho catches his balance on the second rope and goes for a double axehandle, but RVD kicks him in the midsection. He charges, but Jericho moves and he goes face first into the exposed turnbuckle. Jericho rolls him up and puts his feet on the top rope, but RVD still kicks out. Jericho hits a bulldog and goes for the Lionsault, but RVD moves. Jericho lands on his feet, but walks into a spinning side kick. RVD leaps to the top rope and tries the Five Star Frog Splash, but Jericho moves. Jericho hits the Lionsault, but only gets a two count. Jericho whips RVD into the corner and charges, but RVD tips up and Jericho hits the turnbuckles. RVD goes for a hurricanrana, but Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho. RVD grabs the ropes, and Jericho bullies the ref. RVD rolls onto the apron and Jericho pulls him up by the hair, ramming his head into the ring post. Jericho goes to the top rope and tries to pull RVD up with him, but RVD kicks him and Jericho crotches himself on the top rope. He rolls to the center of the ring and RVD goes to the top, hitting the Five Star Frog Splash, getting the three count.
Winner: Rob Van Dam at 14:31
Lawler is in the ring to interview RVD. Lawler: "All right… unbelievable victory. Now that you've won, you're gonna go on to face either Test or Brock Lesnar in the finals of the King of the Ring. Any preference?' RVD: "Whatever. Dude, I don't care if it's Test or Brock Lesnar, or Godzilla! Nothing is going to keep the King of the Ring from being Rob… Van…" Unfortunately for RVD, Jericho had been reading the Torch and attacks RVD in anger. He gives him a few kicks and a sleeper neckbreaker before applying the Walls of Jericho. Some refs try to pry him off while Lawler stands around like a dolt.
Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar are watching a monitor in the locker room. "Rob Van Dam may not care, but Chris Jericho sure does, huh? Did you hear what Rob Van Dam had to say about you, Brock, huh? You're a Japanese movie monster, Brock... you're Godzilla, Brock! (Actually, I'm pretty sure he didn't say that...) You're Godzilla! Rob Van Dam doesn't get it, does he? They still don't get it, do they? Godzilla was fake. But you... Brock Lesnar, you are real. (Well, duh.) You are as real as they come, Brock Lesnar, because YOU are the Next Big Thing and tonight, tonight Brock, you become the next King of the Ring. Now is the time to prove that. Let's go."
King of the Ring Semifinal: Test vs. Brock Lesnar Collar and elbow tie up to start, with both guys trying to outmuscle each other. Brock maneuvers Test into the corner and gives him a right hand. He follows with shoulder thrusts to the gut and another right hand. He whips Test to the opposite corner and charges, but Test gets an elbow up, staggering Brock. Test charges and sends Brock down with a clothesline. He follows with another and some right hands. He whips Brock into the ropes and attempts the Big Boot, but Lesnar holds onto the top rope and slides out of the ring to avoid it. Heyman talks Brock up before he gets back in the ring. Test gives him some more right hands and puts him in the corner, giving him some quick reverse elbows and kicks to the midsection. He whips him into the corner, reversed, Brock charges, but Test puts another elbow in his face. Lesnar charges again, and Test gets an elbow up again. Test charges, but Brock catches him with a spinebuster. He backs Test into a corner and gives him a shoulder thrust. He whips him to the opposite corner, and Test crashes into the turnbuckles and falls face first to the mat. Brock gives him a hard right and stomps his back. He picks Test up, but Test retaliates with some rights and whips Brock into the ropes. It's reversed, Test ducks a clothesline, Brock ducks a clothesline and gives Test a back suplex. He covers Test and gets a two count. He gives Test a hard forearm and covers for another two count. He picks Test up and gives him a backbreaker, followed by a forearm to the back. Test fires back with some rights and hits an inverted atomic drop. Test bounces off the ropes, but Brock catches him with a powerslam for two. He whips Test into the ropes and tries a reverse elbow, but Test grabs the back of his head and gives him some right hands. Brock gives him a knee to the midsection and some forearms to the back. He whips Test into the ropes, reversed, Test puts his head down and gets kicked in the face, Lesnar off the ropes, Test catches him and plants him with a sidewalk slam. Both men get up and Brock hits Test with some rights. He whips him into the corner, reversed, Test charges and nails him with a clothesline. Test whips him back to the opposite corner and hits another charging clothesline. He tries a short arm clothesline, but Brock ducks. Test ducks a right hand and executes a full nelson slam for two. He tries a pumphandle powerslam, but Brock slides off his back and gets a waistlock. Test elbows him to escape and then kicks him. This time he delivers the pumphandle powerslam and gets a two count. Test goes for the Big Boot, but Brock ducks and kicks him, looking for a powerbomb. Test escapes and lands on his feet and ducks a clothesline. Brock bounces off the ropes, but eats the Big Boot from Test as Heyman goes into fits at ringside. Test covers, but Brock kicks out. Test prepares for the Big Boot again, as Brock shoves the ref away. Heyman gets on the apron and smacks Test on the back. Test swings at Heyman, but misses. He then walks right into the F5 from Brock Lesnar. He covers and gets the three count.
Winner: Brock Lesnar at 8:18
The Coach is standing by outside the Raw locker room. He wants to get some Raw Superstars' thoughts on who they think is going to win King of the Ring. He quickly finds Bubba Ray Dudley and asks him. "Coach, first of all, I think it's great that two guys from the Raw brand are in the finals for King of the Ring. RVD and Brock Lesnar are both incredible athletes and they're great competitors. I've been in the ring with both of them, especially Brock in the past two months. And as much as I'd like to see RVD gets his hand raised, I don't think he's making it past the Next Big Thing tonight. The kid is on a roll, and he's too damn tough. I tell ya, I wish it was me in the finals of the King of the Ring, going to SummerSlam and getting my shot at the WWE Undisputed Championship, but it's not, and that's fine. I'm gonna bounce back and find another way to make an impact here."
Mark Loyd is standing outside the Smackdown locker room, looking for some reactions from the Smackdown roster. Lance Storm and Christian come out the locker room. Loyd asks them their reaction to the all Raw final. Lance: "Yeah, we were just talking about that. And if I can be serious for a minute, it was supposed to be Jericho and Test. An all CANADIAN final. Now... it's just all American." Christian: "As far as I'm concerned, this just proves what you said on Smackdown. This entire company of World Wrestling Entertainment is prejudiced against Canadian athletes. Come to think of it, America themselves is the most prejudiced country in the world, and Lance… you hit the nail on the head when you said last week the entire world hates this country. The entire world hates America." Lance: "America is the most hateful country in this world. And as Canadians, it's very important we don't get sucked into their pro American hateful abyss. We need to rise above it, and as Canadians, we need to carry the flag of civility, tolerance and peace." Christian: "You're right."
Michael Cole and Tazz are standing by, and they talk up the Cruiserweight Title match.
Video Package, recapping the Hurricane/Noble feud.
WWE Cruiserweight Title Match: The Hurricane vs. Jamie Noble Nidia wears the Hurricane's cape out to ringside. They lock up, and Hurricane backs Noble into a corner. Hurricane breaks the hold and poses. Hurricane gets a waistlock, but Noble counters with an armwringer. Hurricane rolls through and sends Noble down with a right hand. Noble kicks, but Hurricane catches his foot and spins him around, rolling him up for a one count. Hurricane with a front facelock, Noble counters into a hammerlock and Hurricane sits out. He twists over and applies a headscissors to Noble. Noble escapes and both men get to their feet. Hurricane ducks a clothesline and gets a waistlock, but Noble elbows him in the face. He gives Hurricane some kicks and shoulder thrusts in the corner. He whips Hurricane into the ropes, reversed, Hurricane with a back elbow. He poses and then gives Noble some right hands on the mat. He backs off and hits a shining wizard kick to the back of Noble's head. He whips Noble into the ropes, reversed, Hurricane ducks a clothesline and catches Noble's throat, looking for a chokeslam. Noble elbows his way out of it and bounces off the ropes to receive a superkick from the Hurricane that gets a two count. Hurricane applies a headscissors, and Noble wriggles out of it after a few moments and applies a headlock. Hurricane tries to throw him into the ropes, but Noble holds onto Hurricane's arm and knees him in the midsection. He tries a vertical suplex, but Hurricane escapes and gives him some forearms. He whips Noble to the ropes, reversed, Noble grabs the ref and Nidia tries to grab Hurricane's leg but misses. Hurricane stops to give chase anyway, but Noble rolls out of the ring and clotheslines the Hurricane as he comes around the corner. He rolls the Hurricane back in the ring and covers for a two count. He whips Hurricane into the corner and then into the opposite corner. He picks Hurricane up and rams him back into the corner. Noble chokes him on the bottom rope and then executes a snap suplex. He covers for a two count. Noble applies an abdominal stretch and lays in some shots to the ribs. Hurricane escapes, but Noble ducks a clothesline and forearms his back. He lifts Hurricane and executes a back suplex for another two count. He goes for another vertical suplex, but Hurricane rolls him up with an inside cradle for two. Noble knees the Hurricane and whip him into the ropes. Hurricane hits a high cross body and gets a two count. He whips Noble to the ropes, but Noble counters with an armwringer and lifts Hurricane onto his shoulders, giving him an electric chair drop. He covers for another two count and then applies a sort of mini-abdominal stretch on the mat. Hurricane gets to his feet and escapes with an armdrag. He charges Noble but gets an elbow to the face. Noble charges but gets kicked in the midsection. Hurricane crosses Noble's arms from behind and then sits out, slamming him to the mat for a two count. He whips Noble into the ropes and applies a sleeper, but Noble quickly sits out and hits a jawbreaker. Noble applies a sleeper and takes Hurricane to his knees. The ref does the hand-drop thing, and Hurricane gives the thumbs up on the third try and fights to his feet. He elbows his way out of the hold and he and Noble duke it out. Hurricane gets the best of him and whips him to the ropes, but Noble tries to hang onto his arm and slips off by accident. Noble ducks a right hand and tries a back suplex, but Hurricane rolls backwards to his feet and hits a running neckbreaker. Noble tries a right, but Hurricane blocks and answers with some rights of his own. Noble bounces off the ropes and Hurricane takes him down with a flying clothesline. He rams Noble's head into the turnbuckles and goes to the second rope, hitting the Overcast. He covers but only gets a two count. He goes for the Eye of the Hurricane, but Noble escapes and executes a German suplex for two. Noble tries a clothesline, but Hurricane ducks and hits the Eye of the Hurricane, still only getting a two count. Hurricane gets his cape from the corner, but Nidia snatches it away. Noble charges, but gets kicked in the midsection and then suplexed over the top rope and to the floor. Hurricane then goes to the top rope and hits a plancha. He throws Noble back in, but Nidia slaps him, allowing Noble to hit a baseball slide. Noble places Hurricane on the apron and then goes to the top rope, dragging the Hurricane along with him. He tries to superplex Hurricane back to the floor, but Hurricane lands some shots to the midsection and takes Noble back into the ring with a neckbreaker from the top! Hurricane crawls over to make the cover, but Nidia gets on the apron to distract the ref. Hurricane comes over and Nidia tries to slap him, but Hurricane grabs her wrist and moves as Noble charges, making him collide with Nidia. Hurricane hits the chokeslam, but Noble kicks out. Hurricane goes to the top rope, but Noble gets up and bounces off the ropes, bringing the Hurricane back down. Noble plants Hurricane with a powerbomb and covers. Hurricane gets a foot on the bottom rope, but Nidia pushes it off and the ref makes the three count.
Winner: Jamie Noble at 12:00
Earlier tonight on Heat, the Rock arrives at the building. JR and the King wonder what he's going to do tonight.
Terri interviews Eddie Guerrero. They roll footage of Benoit and Guerrero attacking Ric Flair on Raw. Terri wonders if Eddie is worried that he has unleashed the Dirtiest Player in the Game. "Come on, mamacita, first of all, all right… let's think... wait, wait, wait... I'd like to take this opportunity, okay, to say hello to my brothers... oralé Chavo, Mando, Hector… ese, Paso (?) what's up man, it's me... oh man, I can't forget, man, mamolita (sp?), you know. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. My cousins, that's right... Chewie, Pato, Chavo, Juanito, Juanita, Maria... yeah, hello! There's a lot more, but I can't get through them… you know, it's all right... yeah. Hey, I almost forgot... Little Timmy! Yeah man, he's that foster kid we picked up over the weekend! You know, they're all at the chaton right now, man, they're checking me out, man, they're checking me out cause I'm gonna take on, you know... whooooo! "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair, oralé, the legend, la leyenda! You're asking me, mami… if I'm worried? Estas loca! Are you crazy? Estoy la me horto de mi (?) de mi vida! I'm in the best shape of my life, I'm in my prime, baby! Ric Flair, he can't do half the moves I do in the ring. I mean, he only dreams about that! La sueña, you know what I mean, baby? He says, he has just one last great run left. You know, man, the only running he's going to do is to the retirement home, baby. And the only memory he's gonna have left when it's all over... is the one of the vato, the man, who put him there... Latino Heeeeeeat!"
Ric Flair vs. Eddie Guerrero
Lock up, and Eddie pushes Flair into the corner and breaks clean. Eddie throws some test jabs, and fakes a single leg takedown. They lock up, and Eddie gets a side headlock. Flair pushes him into the ropes, but Eddie sends him down with a shoulder block. He gives a "Whooo!" and mocks Flair's strut. They lock up and Flair gets a side headlock. Eddie struggles to break the hold and then pushes Flair into the ropes, but gets sent down with a shoulder block. Flair bounces off the ropes, Eddie drops down, leapfrogs, and then hits a dropkick. Flair leaves the ring as Eddie mocks him. Flair gets back in after a few moments and they lock up again. Eddie backs Flair into the corner and tries a right, but Flair blocks and pulls Eddie into the corner, hitting a knife-edge chop that sends Eddie to the mat. He rolls from the ring, and Flair struts, angering Guerrero further. Eddie gets back in, and moves in to lock up, but knees Flair in the midsection. He gives him a forearm, backing Flair into the corner, and then some right hands and chops. Flair blocks a chop and brings Eddie into the corner, hitting some chops and rights of his own. He applies a headlock to lay in some more right hands, and then gives him a low blow. Flair with some more rights and chops and then hammers Guerrero in the corner. He whips him to the opposite turnbuckle and sends him down with a chop as he staggers out. Eddie rolls out of the ring and throws a tantrum, taking his sweet time getting back in the ring. He hits a drop toehold on Flair and segues into a front facelock. Flair gets to his knees and takes Eddie over with a hanging vertical suplex. He whips Eddie into the ropes, but Eddie ducks a chop and dropkicks the knee of Flair. He stomps the knee and drops elbows on it, and then applies some kind of standing leglock. He goes for a figure four leglock, but Flair counters with an inside cradle for a two count. Flair backs into a corner and Guerrero moves in and hammers away, sending Flair to the mat. Eddie applies another submission I don't know the name of, and then pulls Flair to the ring post, slamming his leg into it, grossing me out because thanks to DVD technology, I can now see Flair's hairy legs (eww). Eddie drapes Ric's leg over the bottom rope and stomps away. He then vaults over the top rope and uses his momentum to snap the knee over the bottom rope. Eddie gets back in and applies the figure four leglock. Flair struggles to get to the ropes, but gives up and lets his shoulders fall for the mat, kicking out when he hears the ref count two. He finally makes it to the ropes, and Eddie relinquishes the hold. Flair stands up in the corner and Eddie hits him with right hands. He snapmares Flair and bounces off the ropes, delivering a rolling neckbreaker. They trade chops in the middle of the ring, and Eddie pokes Flair in the eyes. He snapmares him again and applies a reverse chinlock. Flair gets to his feet and pushes Eddie back into the corner. They trade chops and right hands and Eddie bounces off the ropes, but gets baaaack body dropped to the floor by Flair. He takes a few moments to recover and gets on the apron. Flair moves in, but Eddie snaps his neck across the top rope before sliding in. He kicks Flair and executes a vertical suplex. He goes to the top and jumps, but misses the frog splash. Flair bounces off the ropes and gives a chop block to Eddie's knee. He cranks on the knee and lays it across the bottom rope, jumping up to crash all of his body's weight down on it. Meanwhile, Chris Benoit makes his way to ringside. Flair gets the figure four on Eddie, who struggles to get to the ropes. Flair gets a two count when Eddie's shoulders go down, but Guerrero finally makes it to the ropes. Flair puts Eddie in the corner and gives him a chop and a kick to the knee. He goes for a vertical suplex, but Eddie escapes and rolls up Flair, hooking the tights, but only gets a two count. Eddie ducks a right and rolls Flair up with a backslide for two. Flair gets a side headlock takeover, but Eddie escapes and hooks Flair's torso. Flair twists around and somersaults across Guerrero's body, getting a two count. Eddie bridges up and pushes Flair off. Flair backs Eddie into the corner for some more chops and then whips Guerrero to the opposite corner. Flair moves in, but Eddie gets an elbow up and sends Flair to the mat. He goes to the second rope and takes Flair over with a tornado DDT. He gets a two count and angrily stomps Flair. He hits him with right hands and chokes him. As the ref pulls Eddie back, Benoit pulls Flair from the ring and applies the Crippler Crossface on the floor. Benoit releases Flair, and the ref, showing some unusual form of intelligence, surveys the situation and sends Benoit to the back. As Benoit and the ref argue, Bubba Ray Dudley runs in through the crowd and gives Eddie the Bubba Bomb. (Live, at first I thought it was the fan who ran in during the Eddie/RVD ladder match back for more). Benoit chases Bubba through the crowd, and Flair crawls back in the ring to make the cover and get the three count. Benoit comes back, but it's too late.
Winner: Ric Flair at 17:01
WWE "Get the F out!" ad.
At the World in Times Square, William Regal and Christopher Nowinski are sitting down for a meal. Regal: "That table over there, they've got their food." Nowinski: "Those people came in after us and they're finishing up. How could our waitress be this slow?" Speak of the devil... Waitress: "I'm really sorry. We're really busy, it's King of the Ring." Regal: "Thank you. I hope this isn't your chosen profession." Waitress: "Oh no, this is part time. I still go to school." Nowinski: "Really? Where?" Waitress: "(Something) Community College." Regal and Nowinski share a laugh. Nowinski: "It's no Harvard, but it's close... I mean, at least in distance." Regal: "Yes." Nowinski: "Thanks." Regal: "Silly tart."
WWE Women's Title Match: Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly
Molly shoves Trish down before the bell rings and then scoop slams her. She drops an elbow and covers for a two count. Trish gets to her feet and Molly forearms her against the ropes. She whips her to the opposite side and puts her head down. Trish kicks her in the face and hits her with some forearms. She bounces off the ropes, but Molly hits a back body drop. Molly yanks her down by the hair and covers for a two count. She rams Trish's head into the top turnbuckle, but Trish blocks it on the second time and rams Molly's head into the turnbuckle. However, Molly takes Trish down with a Fujiwara armbar. She holds it for a few moments until Trish takes her over and rolls her up for a two count. They get to their feet and Molly kicks Trish in the midsection and then hammers away on her back. She whips Trish into the ropes but Trish reverses and steps off of Molly's knee onto her shoulders and takes her over with a victory roll for two. Trish ducks a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker for another two count. She whips Molly front first into the corner and uses her legs to take her over and roll her up for another two count. Molly hits a drop toehold, snapping Trish's throat across the second rope. Molly chokes her with her foot and then dropkicks her in the head, sending Trish to the outside. Molly comes out after her and rams her head into the apron. She gives Trish a knife-edge chop and whips her over the guardrail and into the crowd. Molly yanks her back over by the hair and rolls her into the ring. She gets back on the apron, but Trish gives her a roundhouse kick to the side of the head, sending Molly back to the floor. She gets on the apron again, and Trish tries to ram her head into the turnbuckles. Molly blocks and rakes the eyes. Molly goes to the top rope, but Trish crotches her and gives her some forearms. Trish goes up, but Molly knocks her off with a right. Trish somersaults up and takes Molly over with a hurricanrana. She gives Molly some forearms and chops, but Molly takes her over and gives her some chops of her own. She whips Trish into the ropes, but Trish takes her down with a flying clothesline and then a dropkick. Molly counters Trish with a jawbreaker. Trish bounces off the ropes, ducks a clothesline and nails a roundhouse kick to the head. Trish goes for the Stratusfaction, but Molly shoves her into the ropes and executes a German suplex that gets a two count. Molly goes up for the Molly-Go-Round, but Trish moves. She rolls Molly up, but Molly reverses and hooks the tights for the three count.
Winner: Molly Holly at 5:42
Mark Loyd is standing by with Kurt Angle. He says that some are calling his battle with Hulk Hogan the battle of the real American heroes and that's as far as he gets. "Whoa, whoa, hold on a second. What did you just say? Battle of the real American heroes? What the HECK did Hulk Hogan ever do to become a real American hero? I'm the one that won an Olympic gold medal. I'm the one who trained and sacrificed for years to represent this country. Hulk Hogan became a "real" American hero because Vince McMahon told him he was going to be a real American hero. If Vince had wanted Hulk Hogan to become a zookeeper, he would have become a zookeeper! It's that simple. And yet people cheer him, and they tell me I suck. I don't get it. I really don't. But tonight, I'm going to do something about it. You see, two years ago at King of the Ring, I won the damn thing. And last year, I wrestled in three matches, and I took Shane McMahon out in a streetfight. And tonight, I'm gonna make Hulk Hogan tap faster than Mr. Bo Jangles on speed! Why? Because I can. Because I'm legit. Because I'm the real deal. And I don't need to place my hand to my ear like an idiot to know that I'm this company's only real American hero. Oh, it's true... it's red, white and blue true."
Michael Cole and Tazz are in the skybox, and Tazz agrees with everything Kurt Angle said. They lead into a Hogan/Angle video package.
The California Raisin vs. Kurt Angle
Lawler says that Angle's hairpiece reminds him of the ones Vince used to wear. Angle and Hogan lock up, but Hogan shoves Angle to the mat. They circle and lock up again. Angle gets a waistlock and tries for a German suplex, but Hogan wraps his foot around Angle's leg and blocks it. Hogan elbows Kurt's head to escape and then applies a headlock. Angle escapes and applies an overhand wristlock, taking Hogan to one knee. Hogan gets up and maneuvers Angle into a headlock. Angle shoves him off and into the ropes. A shoulderblock sends Angle down. He rolls out of the ring and regroups. Angle gets back in and kicks Hogan in the midsection. He gives him some right hands and whips Hogan into the ropes, sending him down with a clothesline. He tries to whip Hogan into the ropes again, but it's reversed and Hogan sidesteps Angle, sending him over the top rope and to the floor. Hogan poses and goes out after Kurt. He rams him into the guardrail and gives him some right hands. He rams him into the guardrail again and gives him a rabbit punch. He throws him back in the ring and rams Angle's head into the top turnbuckle nine times. Hogan winds up and sends him down with a right hand. He signals that he's going to take Angle's wig off, but Angle kicks his leg back to hit a low blow. Angle stomps Hogan and chokes him with his boot. Hogan gets to his feet and Angle gives him some chops and right hands. Hogan fires back with some rights, but Angle rakes the eyes and then gives Hogan a back suplex. Angle showboats and then gives Hogan another. He covers for a two count. He chokes Hogan on the middle rope and then tries a vertical suplex. Hogan blocks it and gives Angle one of his own. Hogan hits Angle with some rights, then ducks a right before scoop slamming Angle. He whips him into the ropes, Angle reverses, and then applies a sleeperhold. Hogan fades, and Angle gets him on the mat, switching to a reverse chinlock. The ref does the hand-drop thing, but on the third try Hogan says it's not over. He gets to his feet and shoves Angle into the ropes, applying a sleeper of his own. Angle counters with a back suplex. They get to their feet and Hogan hits some right hands. Angle ducks one and hits the Angle Slam, but Hogan kicks out at two. Angle is furious, and Hogan 'hulks up.' Angle with some rights, but you know the routine. Sing along with Terry! Angle puts his right hand in, he puts his right hand out... it has no effect and Hogan shakes it all about. Hogan with some rights and whips Angle into the ropes, hitting the big boot. Hogan poses and then takes the wig off. Angle gets up and tries a right, but Hogan blocks and nails three of his own. He whips Angle into the ropes, but Angle holds the top rope and slides out of the ring. Angle decides screw it, and walks toward the back. However, Hogan puts the wig on and Angle grabs a chair, charging back to the ring. He charges Hogan, but he ducks and Angle swings the chair, which bounces off the top rope and back into his face. Hogan nails the big boot and bounces off the ropes. Angle moves out of the way of the legdrop and quickly applies the Ankle Lock. Hogan reaches the ropes, but Angle pulls him back to the center of the ring. Hogan tries to roll over and kick Angle away, but Angle holds on and spins Hogan back over. Hogan gets to the ropes again, but Angle pulls him back to the center of the ring. Hogan tries to fight, but Angle has him hangin' on the grapevine and Hogan taps out.
Winner: Kurt Angle at 12:10
Backstage, Booker T is having a drink of water, but here comes Goldust dressed as the Rock. Goldust: "Finally, the Rock has come back to King... of the Ring!" Booker: "You're the Rock now, huh?" Goldust: "It doesn't matter, Booker! Let the Rock say this: he knows that you and him aren't friends, but that's okay. You have a friend. He is... ssssssssss... Goldust." The Rock walks in behind Goldust. Goldust: "The Rock knows that Booker T likes Goldust very much. The Rock also knows that Goldust likes Booker T very much, but then..." Rock clears his throat and walks to the forefront. Goldust takes off his glasses and backs off. Rock: "First of all, it goes like this: Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Coluuuummmbus!" Goldust rubs his chest in admiration. Rock: "Tryin' to talk like the Rock? Walk like the Rock, sound like the Rock? Well, make no mistake about it. There ain't no way, no way, you could ever be... the Jabronie beatin', lalalalow, pie eatin', trail blazin', eyebrow raisin', all around, smackin' down, People's Champ, the Rock!" Booker: "Hey, man. You ain't gotta worry about him. What you need to concern yourself with is... jumpin' into the grill of the check cashin', sucka trashin', never losin', spinaroonin', slammin' jammin', five-time WCW Champion, Booker T! You dig?" Rock leans into Booker. Goldust: "What about me? The gold wearing, sometimes oh so daring... I'm no good at this." Booker: "Look man, we ain't ever seen eye to eye on nothin', probably never will. But last week on Raw... man, you got down for your crowd, dog! I'm down with that." Rock: "You down with that?" Booker: "Yeah!" Rock: "The Rock appreciates you're down with that, because I meant it. Anybody who doesn't want to be with this company, they can get the F out." Goldust: "I agree... ssssssssss... I too am so down with it." Rock: "Sssssss... Ah, you too so down with it... what's wrong with you!? Stop doing that! Take my shirt off! Take... no, no, no, leave it on. You pay for that? Good. (to Booker) Look, the fact of the matter is this. We ain't ever seen eye to eye, no problem. We never will. (to Goldust) We ain't EVER gonna see eye to eye. (to Booker) The fact of the matter is this. The Rock is here for one reason and that's to watch the WWE Undisputed Championship match. That's it. Undisputed Championship match! A championship that is much bigger than the People's Elbow! A championship that is much bigger than the Spinaroonie! Much bigger than the Spinaroonie… (to Goldust) a championship that is much bigger than... what... what do you do? What... what do you do? You got a finishing move?" Goldust: "I have more ammunition in my cannon than you will ever realize." Rock takes a step back. Rock: "What's the matter with you!? Stop that, stop rubbing yourself, man! You are, stop that. No one wants to hear about your cannon, ammunition in nobody's cannon, especially yours! You sick freak! Stop it. Even though we don't see eye to eye, we see eye to eye on something. When the time is right, you guys have to do your thing and layeth the smacketh down on the nWo's candy punk asses!" Goldust: "If ya smellll..." Rock holds up a hand to quiet him. Rock: "Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop that. Stop trying to walk like the Rock, act like the Rock, stop wearing the Rock t-shirt, putting the little eyebrow on, painting your hair, stop touching yourself, stop all that! Stop it. This is the way it goes. If ya smelllalalaw what the Rock is cookin'!" Rock leaves and Goldust taps Booker on the shoulder. Goldust: "And can you dig that, ssssssss..." Booker silences him with the hand. Booker: "Suckaaaaaa!" Booker leaves as Goldust looks on.
King of the Ring Final: Rob Van Dam vs. Brock Lesnar
They lock up and Brock shoves RVD into a corner. He goes for a right hand, but RVD ducks and nails a few of his own. Brock shakes it off and goes for another right, but RVD ducks and kicks at the knee. He whips Brock into the ropes, reversed, Brock puts his head down, RVD vaults backwards over Brock and back to his feet, and lands a savate kick to Lesnar's jaw. Lesnar backs into a corner and RVD lands a few shots and a shoulder thrust. He backflips and charges, going for a monkey flip, but Brock counters with a powerbomb. He stomps the back and then picks RVD up, ramming his back into the corner. He does it again into the opposite corner and then picks RVD up and executes a powerslam. He covers, but gets a two count. He picks RVD up and hits two backbreakers before dropping him to the mat. Brock picks him up again and applies a bearhug. You can hear Heyman on the outside yelling, "Squeeeeeze!" which makes him sound like some kind of barnyard animal. RVD starts to elbow his way out of the hold, but Lesnar picks him up and rams his back into the corner again. He gives him some shoulder thrusts and backs up. He hesitates and then charges, but RVD moves and Brock goes shoulder first into the post. RVD tries a spinning heel kick, but Lesnar catches his foot and lifts him up for a powerslam. RVD escapes and kicks at the knee again and hits a reverse crescent kick. Another one staggers Brock, and RVD hits his jump kick from the top rope to send him down. RVD hits Rolling Thunder, and gets a two count before Brock throws him off. Van Dam hits a corkscrew legdrop and goes to the top. He hits the Five Star Frog Splash, but is too hurt to make the cover. Heyman gets on the apron and snaps RVD's neck across the top rope. However, RVD falls back onto Brock and gets a close two count. Heyman eats a baseball slide and the skullet is revealed! RVD jumps onto the second rope and vaults off into a flying body press, but Brock catches him and throws him onto his shoulders. He hits the CTRL+ALT+DELETE (get it?) and covers for the three count.
Winner: Brock Lesnar at 5:43
Triple H walks down the hallway and right into the face of Shawn Michaels. Kevin Nash appears also, and Triple H turns his attention to him before Shawn taps him on the chest and smiles. Shawn: "It's good to see ya." They hug. Nash: "Group hug." He joins in too. Triple H: "How you doing, man? It's good to see you." Nash: "Good luck tonight. Good luck." Shawn: "Did you bring the strap?" Triple H: "Yeah." X-pac and the Big Show appear. HHH hugs X-pac. X-pac: "Hey, man, what's up?" Triple H nods at the Big Show and turns to leave. Nash: "Hey, uh, if you need us out there tonight..." He flashes the nWo hand signal. Nash: "You throw it up and we'll be there, buddy. Get that strap." Triple H nods and walks away.
Up to Michael Cole and Tazz. Tazz sums up the whole thing to a tee when he says, "What was the deal with that!?" They talk about the Undisputed Title match, and Cole says that the Undisputed Title to Triple H is a religion (which I guess makes Patterson like a priest).
Video package. Undertaker beats up Hogan, among others. Triple H beats Hogan to get the title shot. Undertaker ambushes Triple H. Triple H beats up $50,000,000 monitors.
Paul Heyman joins Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler at ringside.
WWE Undisputed Title Match: The Undertaker vs. Triple H
Triple H and the Undertaker have words, but an F-U by the Undertaker starts a slugfest. Triple H takes control, but Undertaker knees him in the midsection. He headbutts him and whips him into the ropes, but Triple H reverses and hits a back elbow. Undertaker backs into a corner and Triple H hammers him with right hands. He whips him to the opposite corner, but Undertaker comes out and grabs Triple H by the throat, throwing him into the corner. Undertaker hits some rights and whips Triple H into the corner, but Triple H comes out with a clothesline. He blatantly chokes Undertaker and then clotheslines him over the top rope. Undertaker lands on his feet and pulls Triple H out under the bottom rope. He tries to ram Triple H into the steps, but it's blocked and he gets his head rammed into the steps. Undertaker slides into the ring, but Triple H pulls him back out because that's just making this match so much more exciting! He whips Undertaker into the steps, and follows up with the devastating point to the ref. Undertaker hits him, so Triple H hits him about twelve more times, much to the delight of some scary-looking fans. He throws Undertaker back in, but gets a forearm to the back of the head. He rams Triple H's head into the top turnbuckle and then gives him an uppercut and a back elbow. A right hand sends Triple H down. Undertaker tries a big boot, but Triple H moves and Undertaker looks like he's stretching for dance class instead of selling. Triple H hits him some more, but Undertaker drops him across the top turnbuckle. Undertaker bounces off the ropes and hits a clothesline, covering for a two count. He makes Triple H smell his arm and then picks him up, hitting a headbutt. Undertaker hits Triple H some more and covers for another two count. Triple H fights back and bounces off the ropes, only to get caught with a sidewalk slam. He bounces off the ropes and drops an elbow for a two count. Undertaker goes outside and elbows Triple H's throat, and at this point I'm starting to fall asleep amidst 20,000 PEOPLE! Undertaker legdrops Triple H and then covers for a two count. He rams Triple H into a corner and whips him to the opposite side. Triple H hits a back elbow and fights back with right hands. He bounces off the ropes, but Undertaker hits a big boot and covers for a two count. Undertaker throws Triple H outside, and here we go again. JR says the Undertaker's establishing a deliberate, methodical pace. Well, no SHIT. Triple H gets rammed into the stairs, but fights back with kicks this time. He suplexes Undertaker on the floor. Undertaker gets thrown back in, and immediately bounces off the ropes and delivers a clothesline. Well, so much for selling. He drops a leg and covers for a two count. Undertaker places Triple H on the top rope and goes for a superplex. Triple H hits him in his ample sized gut and headbutts him to send him to the mat. Undertaker charges, but gets a foot in the face. Triple H hits him with some RIGHT HANDS~! and whips him into the ropes for a back body drop. *checks to make sure he already used his baaaaack body drop joke* Undertaker ducks a clothesline and hits a flying clothesline on the rebound. He covers for a two count. He removes one of the turnbuckle pads and tries to ram Triple H into it. Triple H fights back and whips Undertaker into the opposite corner. It's reversed, and Undertaker hits a charging clothesline. He kicks Triple H and whips him to the opposite corner. It's reversed and Undertaker hits the exposed corner. He sells for about three seconds before going for another clothesline, but Triple H counters that into a neckbreaker. Triple H hits some right hands, by GOD, and a spinebuster for a two count. Triple H gets whipped into the exposed corner and then dropped head first onto it, but he fails to notice and hits Undertaker with a high knee. He covers and gets a two count. He whips Undertaker into the ropes and put his head down. Undertaker hits a DDT, and covers for a two count. Triple H finally sells something, but unfortunately it was the weakest punch the Undertaker has delivered the entire match. A slugfest erupts, but Undertaker grabs Triple H by the throat. However, Triple H kicks him and sets him up for the Pedigree. Undertaker counters with a double leg takedown and slingshots him right into the ref. The pendulum just keeps swinging, folks! I wish I knew where it was so that I could stick my head in its path. The ref just stands around immobile like one of those safety dolls until Undertaker misses a clothesline and hits him, finally sending him down. Triple H misses a clothesline, (no, Undertaker didn't duck or anything, Triple H just plain MISSED the damn clothesline) and both guys bounce off the ropes and clothesline each other. Everyone just lies there, as the Rock's music hits. Thank God! Heyman stammers and stutters, staring at Rock like an open-mouthed bass, and then hightails it. Rock puts on his headset and says that he did not leave the arena like Paul Heyman said earlier. Undertaker finally comes to and goes outside to get a chair. Triple H kicks him and hits some more right hands, (sigh) and whips him into the ropes. Undertaker reverses, but Triple H hits a facebuster. He clotheslines Undertaker over the top rope and comes out after him. He hits him some more, but then gets a big boot to the face. Rock leans over the table to look at Triple H, and gets a big boot from Taker as well. Rock plows into the Spanish announcers, and for once the Spanish announcing table goes unscathed. Rock didn't take too kindly to Undertaker using Spanish people as foreign objects, so he starts hitting the Undertaker with rights and grabs the chair. He swings and misses, hitting Triple H instead. Undertaker throws Rock into the ring post and throws Triple H back in the ring, who is now busted open. Undertaker goes for the Last Ride and hits it. Another ref comes in and Undertaker covers for a two count. Undertaker hits the ref, and the Rock comes back in, hitting Undertaker furiously. He delivers the Rock Bottom and leaves. And now we're back to square one, with everyone unconscious. Triple H finally wakes up, as does the ref. Triple H covers, but not even the power of Greyskull could get him the pin. Everyone tries to get up as the fans try to entertain themselves. Triple H goes for the Pedigree and hits it and EVERYONE'S DOWN AGAIN! Triple H covers, but the ref is making sure he's not dead. Triple H tries to pull him over, but Undertaker hits a low blow and mercifully rolls Triple H up for the three count, hooking the tights.
Winner: The Undertaker at 24:36
This is where I dazzle you with my insider's... insight... or something, since I was in the arena but not a whole lot happened off camera, aside from Tommy Dreamer filming something for Heat outside the arena. After the main event, the Rock came back out and he and Triple H took turns trying to crack each other up by goofing around. They both went for the People's Elbow on Undertaker, and Triple H lent Rock an elbow pad when Rock realized he wasn't wearing one. Triple H did a little dance before dropping his elbow, finally getting the Rock to crack. Undertaker walked around punch drunk while Rock and HHH hammered him some more, and finally got into a fighting stance like he had enough. Instead of attacking, he fell through the ropes and walked off with his hands in the air, getting some laughs and applause from the crowd. Too bad they couldn't have used some of that creativity in the match.
Overall, it was a decent show. No Match of the Year Candidates, but nothing was horrible except the main event. It was better live than it was watching it on DVD. I stayed in my seat for pretty much everything, except for the RVD/Lesnar match (ironically, I was out in the lobby buying an RVD shirt), and the main event, which I gave up on about ten minutes in. As far as recommendations go, don't buy it. The only thing that could be memorable is Brock Lesnar's KOTR win, but that's only if he becomes big later on. Nothing else on the card, however, is really worth the effort or the money.