Hi!
My name is… (what?)
My name is… (who?)
My name is… Steve Austin!
Hi!
My name is… (what?)
My name is… (who?)
My name is… Steve Austin!
Ahem… excuse me!
Can I have the attention of the marks
For one second?
Hi Chris(es)! Do you like violence? (Oh hell yeah!)
Wanna see me stick the Dudleys' table splinters through each one of my eyelids? (Ta-bles!)
Wanna come after me and end up like that guy Sid? (Hell yeah!)
Try Vince and get fucked up like my character is? (Huh?)
My knees are dead weight; I'm tryin' to get my neck straight
But I can't figure out which Diva I wanna impregnate! (Umm…)
Triple H said, "Steve Austin, you got a bald head!"
Uh-huh! "That why your neck's red? Ran you over in this Fed!"
Since WrestleMania XII, I've felt like I was someone else
Cause I hung my original self from a symbol over a belt!
Got pissed off and nearly knocked Lita's head off
And tried to knock her teeth out like a female Chris Benoit!
I spit a fat mound of chew; Hardy whipped my ass
Faster than Stephanie when she mounted Pritchard too fast!
Come here, slut!
"Austin, wait a minute! That's my girl, man!"
I don't give a damn; God sent me to piss off McMahon!
(Chorus)
My former boss couldn't figure how to market me down south
Thanks a lot, I went somewhere where I could run my mouth!
I smacked Vince in the face with a bedpan; hit him with a trash can
And stuck an enema in his ass like an alien! (Owwww!)
I became an owner of Titan; got a receptionist really tryin'
Brought in manure, then poured beer on it from a Bud can!
Road Rage wrestler, runnin' over mic stands
In an ambulance while the fans screamin' "He whipped his ass!"
For most of my career I was lied to
I found out Mark Henry doesn't date older women like I do! (Damn!)
I told Turner, I'd go on to be a famous wrestler
Make a career out of winnin' titles and sellin' t-shirts!
Gunn, you blew it when you proved you couldn't wrestle Chaz
And tried dumb catchphrases like screamin' Rock fans! (If ya smeeeeelll…)
This guy at White Castle asked for my autograph (Dude, can I get your autograph?)
So I signed it: "Dear Bisch, thanks for the support, ASSHOLE!"
(Chorus)
Stop the tape; an alliance isn't too late
Triple H, go and cerebrally ASSASSINATE!
I'm not ready to leave, my career can't die (F-ck that!)
I'd rather face the Undertaker in another Buried Alive! (Huh yup!)
Am I face or heel? I can barely decide
I just drank a case of Miller, dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
Ask my wife, I was very deprived
Hadn't had a new t-shirt in months, and my braces are too obvious to hide!
Clothes ripped like the Immortal Hulk (Hoooogan!)
I whine when I talk, I'll cuss anything that walks! (C'mere!)
I was so desperate I turned to evil to get the belt in my mitts
HOW YOU GONNA CHEER ME, FANS? (Boo!)
I JUST ALLIED WITH VINCE! (Boo!)
Backstage, I strap my braces on and said
"I'll put my BMF vest on and drop 'Taker on his head!" (CRACK!)
On top with sass (Arrrgh!)
If you see the Hardys, Jeff and Matt (Yeah?)
Tell them "Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass!"
(Chorus)