No Mercy '99

The New Brood vs. Kid Rock Edge & Joe C.hristian- Ladder Match T.I.T. Finals

This was the best match of the night, and definite Match of the Year material. Two ladders were set up near the ring, and the object was to get the bag of money that was suspended above the ring. Gangrel was sent back early, so we had a fair match. The ladders came into play early on, as Jeff was dropkicked hard into the ladder. Then Christian hit a reverse DDT off the ladder on Jeff. However, Jeff got revenge when he laid Edge on top of the ladder and executed his nosedive senton splash! At one point, Edge hit the Downward Spiral from the top of the ladder on one of the Hardys, and Jeff leapfrogged a ladder to deliver a guillotine legdrop on Edge, which got a standing ovation from the crowd. When all four wrestlers climbed both the ladders, they pushed each other over, crotching themselves on the ropes. Both ladders were set up again, and Edge and Matt went for the dough. Matt was shoved off. However, on the other ladder, Christian and Jeff were battling. Jeff pushed the ladder over, but jumped over to the other ladder to nail Edge. Edge went down and Jeff climbed up and got the money!
Rating: ***3/4

The New Age Outlaws vs. The Hollys

The formula of Road Dogg getting beat down for a few minutes and making a hot tag to Mr. Ass may be getting old, but all four participants seemed to be generally working hard in this match, so I'll give an 'A' for effort. Bob "I'm Hardcore, and if you don't believe me, I'll smack ya" Holly and Gunn started off. They both made tags after a few moments, and Road Doggy Dogg dropped his wiggly, wobbly, wonderful kneedrop on Crash "I started out with a nickname, but I'll still smack ya" Holly. Crash sent the Road Dogg outside the ring, and worked him over out there. The Hollys showed continuity by making tags back and forth, wearing down Road Dogg. When Hardcore tried a... something... off the top rope, Road Dogg stuck his foot up in the Big Shot's face. Hardcore made the tag, and Crash stopped the Road Dogg from tagging. They made another tag, and Hardcore hit a wicked dropkick on Road Dogg. He tried another top rope move, but the D-O-double-G caught him and superplexed him. Road Dogg made the hot tag, and Mr. Ass was in to clean house. A brawl broke out, and a chair was thrown in by one of the Hollys. Gunn hit the FameAsser on Crash on the chair, but the ref saw it and DQed the Outlaws.
Rating: **1/2

Citizen Kane vs. X-pac vs. Bradshaw vs. Faarooq, Faarooq, Faarooq is on fire

Bradshaw and Kane battled it out for a few minutes before Faarooq was tagged in. After a few moments, Faarooq tagged in X-pac. Kane clotheslined X-pac before tagging in Bradshaw. X-pac tagged in Faarooq, and we had Aculite vs. Aculite. Faarooq tagged X-pac back in, and Bradshaw hit the Clothesline from Hell on X-pac, but the ref was distracted and couldn't count. More tags were made that accomplished little. Eventually, Kane hit the chokeslam on Bradshaw and eliminated him. But X-pac hit a spinning heel kick on Kane from the top! X-pac covered Kane and eliminated him, and Kane walked off in shock. Faarooq hit a spinebuster on X-pac, but X-pac fought back and hit the X-Factor for the win.
Rating: **1/2

Mankind vs. Val Venis

Mankind continually went for Val's trunks during the match, and eventually got Mr. Rocko. He couldn't use it, because Venis battled back with right hands. They went outside the ring, and Val hit a belly to belly suplex on Mankind on a chair. They went back in the ring, but the ref stopped Val from using the chair, allowing Mankind to get some shots. However, Val hit a Russian legsweep on the chair for a two count. Val worked over Mankind, and went for The Money Shot, but missed. Mankind hit a double arm DDT, but only got two. They both went for Mr. Socko and Mr. Rocko respectively. Mankind applied the Mandible Sock at the same time that Val Venis applied the Testicular Sock. After a few moments, they fell to the mat, with Val landing on top of Mankind. The ref counted to three and Val was victorious.
Rating: **1/4

Steve Austin vs. Triple H- No Holds Barred WWF Title Match

Do they always have to make the main events no holds barred? Anyway, this match was a perfectly acceptable brawl with the usual excitement that surrounds a main event. Triple H tried to bring a sledgehammer but Vince McMannequin wouldn't let him. HHH smacked Vince with the hammer, prompting Austin to blindside him. Great quote by Croooooow (as Austin): "Hey, no one beats up McMahon but me!" This was the typical arena brawl that has become Austin's trademark. Ross seemed to like the words "hardwood floor" a lot. Eventually, they made their way down to the first few rows, where the ref Mike Chioda was knocked out when Austin was slingshoted into him. Ross: "HHH is one of the best technical wrestlers..." Me: "Ha!" Then the match went into the ring, and HHH showed his technical prowess by stomping and choking Austin. HHH tried a clothesline, but Austin ducked and nailed a Stunner. He covered Triple H, but the ref was still out. Austin tried to bring the ref into the ring, but HHH blindsided him, knocking the ref off the apron. HHH hit the Pedigree, but there was still no ref. After about eight seconds, Earl Hebner ran in to make the count, but Austin kicked out. Austin tossed HHH out of the ring, where he was rammed into the steel steps. HHH was busted open, and Austin slammed him on the (English) announcer's table to open it up some more. Then he took him over to the (Spanish) announcing table. The table's impending doom never came, although HHH suplexed Austin onto it. Back in the ring they went, where HHH worked on Austin's knee. A chair came into play, and Austin kaboshed HHH with it. Austin worked on HHH's knee with the chair just like he did to him at SummerSlam. Triple H got a low blow in, and down came The Rock with the sledgehammer! He tried to nail HHH for nailing him earlier, but he missed and hit Austin in the midsection. HHH hit the Pedigree on The Rock and covered Austin for the win.
Rating: **

Chyna: Warrior Princess vs. Jeff Jarrett- Good Housekeeping Match for the Intercontinental Title

They used all kinds of household weapons on each other in this match. An impressive spot saw Chyna try to elbow drop Jarrett through a table, but he moved and she took the table bump. Jarrett and Miss Kitty stopped everything to bake a cake. Back in the ring, Jarrett hit Chyna with a fish... no, I'm not making that up. Chyna came back and went for Miss Kitty, dumping the contents of the mixing bowl on her head. Jarrett chopblocked Chyna's knee and slapped on the Figure Four. Chyna was able to reach the ropes after a couple of minutes. Just to add to the silliness, Chyna hit Jarrett with two pies and hit him with nothing but the kitchen sink. She went for the Pedigree, but Jarrett blocked it. Kitty handed him the IC belt, and Jarrett clocked Chyna with it and got the three count. However, another ref came down and said that the belt was not a household object, and therefore, the match would continue. Jarrett slapped the Figure Four on the ref, which allowed Chyna to swipe the gee-tar and kabong Jarrett over the head with it. Chyna covered Jarrett for the win. Well, I guess a gee-tar is a household object... sort of. I guess it's not every day you see someone wearing the IC belt around the house. Kudos to Jarrett for doing the job before he left for WCW (against a woman, no less) and wasn't even under contract. Take notes, Bret. That's what a real class act looks like. The match was still watchable, despite the bake-off in the middle of it.
Rating: *3/4

The Rock vs. The Porcester Poodle

This match wasn't exciting at all. The Bulldog is a shell of his former self, and The Rock couldn't carry a match in a bucket. It started on the outside, but soon went in, where the Bulldog hit his vertical suplex. Then we had a resthold marathon. The Rock came back and back bodydropped the Bulldog for a two count. The Bulldog did a flip into the ropes, and the Rock hit a DDT for another two count. The Bulldog countered somehow, and hit the Running (Take two steps) Powerslam. The Rock got a foot on the ropes. He went for it again, but the Rock slid off the Bulldog's shoulders and rammed him into the turnbuckles. Rock hit the Rock Bottom Special for the win.
Rating: *1/2

Fabulous Moolah vs. Ivory- WWF Women's Title Match

Ugh. Do you really want me to describe this? Well, I can't, since I was looking at pictures from Heat Wave '98 during the match, so there. All I know is Moolah won, guaranteeing that the suckiness will continue.
Rating: *

The Goodfeather vs. Mid-e-i-e-i-o-n

These two started out with a series of reversals that ended up sending the Godfather on the outside, where Mideon executed a quebrada to perfection. Back in the ring, Godfather hit a variety of suplexes, and finished off with a Liger Bomb. Mideon fought back with a flying headscissors and hit a split-legged moonsault. However, The Godfather countered Mideon's offense with a missile dropkick for the win. By the way, I was lying. This match stunk to high heaven too.
Rating: *

Overall Rating: **1/2

Not a bad PPV, considering it had two * matches, but it did have the ladder match to compensate for the suckiness at the beginning. I'm glad the Bossman-Big Slow match was nixed. That's all for now!

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