(Nykk silently makes his way into the tech area. He hides behind a television truck and grabs the first person who walks by, who just happens to be Max Mini.)
Nykk: (lifting up Max so they’re eye to eye) You! Who’s the man in charge?
Max: (scared out of his mind) Estoy pesaroso, señor, no se mata a mi, por favor!
(Nykk grunts in frustration and dumps Max in the nearest garbage can. Then he walks up to the closest man and taps him on the shoulder. The man that turns around is The Undertaker, who stares menacingly down at Nykk.)
Nykk: (in an authoritive voice) You there, I demand that you take me to your leader.
Undertaker: And what are you going to do if I don’t?
Nykk: (in a Mr. Burns voice) I’ll give you the beating of your life! (He starts punching rapidly at the Undertaker’s mid-section, but has no effect.)
(The Undertaker sighs and snaps his fingers. Mideon and Viscera appear on the scene, lift Nykk by his arms and carry him away. They set him down about thirty feet away from the Undertaker.)
Viscera: Stay! (He and Mideon walk away.)
Nykk: How embarassing. Carted away by the two crappiest foot soldiers in the business. Fear not, however, for I am persistent to the point of annoyance!
Mysterious Voice: (whispering) Hey, buddy...
(Nykk turns around to see Shane McMahon crouched behind a sound board.)
Shane: You want to see the big man, huh?
Nykk: First of all, my name’s not Buddy. Secondly, f’n Mabel just dragged me over...
Shane: No, the big man... the big cheese, the head honcho, the higher... I mean, Greater Power?
Nykk: You know him? I demand you take me to him at once!
Shane: Follow me. (He sneaks through the tech area.)
(Nykk follows him until they reach a door that is clearly marked ‘Secret Room’. Shane opens the door and Nykk enters. Inside is a desk with the back of a huge chair facing the door. On each side of the desk stand Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco with their arms folded. The chair swings around and Nykk finds himself staring at the owner himself, Vince McMahon.)
Vince: (in an Italian gangster voice) I am pleased that you have come on the day of my daughter’s best friend’s roommate’s brother’s circumcision.
Nykk: What?
Vince: Was I not to you being clear? Please forgive me.
Nykk: Wait a second, Vince, you’re Irish, not Italian.
Vince: (in his normal voice) Well, I knew it started with an ‘I’, but most all Europeans sound the same anyway, so I guess it doesn’t matter. I have been watching your progress from afar, General Nykk... well, actually from right here. (He presses a button on his desk and a TV lowers from the ceiling. Vince rewinds a tape, and Nykk sees himself sneaking into the building with the rest of the PPV Squadron.)
Nykk: That’s a useful thing to have around, isn’t it?
Vince: You like it? I’m thinking of putting it to use in an angle, but I can’t figure out what to call it... any suggestions?
Nykk: (shrugs) Gee, I don’t know.
Vince: That’s it! GTV! (He motions for Shane to come over, scribbles something on a notepad, and puts it in Shane’s shirt pocket. Then he smacks him on the shoulder.) Go! (Shane bolts from the room, and Vince turns his attention back to Nykk.) Now, why have you and your friends blundered your way through the arena? What did I ever do to you?
Nykk: Ambassador Hendrix said you were invading the Nutter Center. Did you expect us to sit idly by while you took over?
Vince: (sighs) I’m so misunderstood. The WWF is only step #812 of my evil plan to take over the world. Why can’t people understand that?
Nykk: Anyhow, I must now demand for your unconditional surrender. (shakes a finger at Vince) I’m demanding!
Vince: I see now that you are no serious threat. If the U.S. Government couldn’t stop me, I don’t see how some boob from Ohio could. (to Pat and Gerald) Boys, take care of him.
Gerald: I think I’ll leave this one to Pat, Mr. MacMahon. (He glances at Pat Patterson, who is wiggling his eyebrows and licking his lips.)
Vince: (sighs) I don’t mean THAT way.
Nykk: I see... you plan to make me talk by threatening me with a fate worse than death. If I were a better person, I’d ignore this idle threat... but I’m not, so have at you! (he takes off a glove and smacks Mr. McMahon across the face with it)
(Vince gets up and snaps his fingers. Gerald Brisco, Pat Patterson, Tony Garea, Bruce Pritchard, and Sgt. Slaughter suddenly circle Nykk, as the fighting theme from the Batman series from the ‘70s starts. Slaughter lunges at him, but is met with a kick to the gut *POW*. Gerald swings his fist, but Nykk catches his arm and swings it around to knock over Pritchard *BAM*. Garea lunges, but Nykk easily sidesteps him so that he crashes into Patterson, and they both go down *SPLAT*. Nykk retaliates with a crescent kick to Brisco’s face, and Gerald collapses *DESTRUCITY*. Lastly, he executes a drop toe-hold on Slaughter, who headbutts Patterson in the balls on the way down *SELF-EXPLANATORY*.)
Vince: Curses! Foiled again!
Nykk: All right, McMahon... (he turns and looks at McMahon’s chair, but it’s now empty. Looking around, he sees that Vince is nowhere to be found.) Damn, he got away. Fear not, however, for I will go through every one of McMahon’s cronies until I... (He looks behind him and sees a regiment of police officers) Ah, sh--...
(Nykk suddenly comes flying out of the exit, startling the rest of the PPV Squadron)
Jay: Yes! I win! (He collects his winnings from all his friends)
Croooooow: Nykk, what happened?
Nykk: There was too many of them. I had no choice but to retreat.
Cheesecake: So, what now?
(All at once, the haze in their minds wears off, and they all stare at each other, confused.)
Huh: Where are we?
Nykk: I don’t know.
Croooooow: It looks like the Nutter Center.
Cheesecake: Yeah, but what are we doing here?
Croooooow: And why are we wearing fatigues?
Nykk: (shrugs) Oh well. Come on, guys, let’s go get a slice of pizza.
(They all walk off into the night.)
Jay: Just as long as I don’t have to smell what Nathan’s cooking after he eats some.
Huh: Bacon?
Jay: Shut up, fatboy.
Croooooow: Shut up, Nathan.
Nykk: Nathan, shut up.
Cheesecake: (to Croooooow) Shut Nathan up.
*So ends our tale. However, some of life’s great questions still remain unanswered, like how far is up? How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a man? And whatever happened to the Blue Meanie?*
*Elsewhere, USA: In the middle of the desert, the Blue Meanie is walking down an old dirt path.*
Meanie: (voice echoing) Hello? Vince? It’s the Meanie... I’m ready to lose that weight now... (a tumbleweed blows by) Where is everyone?
--The End