*Note: Due to a contract dispute between Croooooow and Cheesecake, Cheesecake a.k.a. Art, has left the PPV Squad. Although his contract with the the PPV Squad expired just before his Scenario in the last Adventures, he stuck around to finish his scene, which is a testament to the kind of human being Cheesecake is. The PPV Squad hopes to do business with Cheesecake again in the future.*
(It is a sunny October afternoon in Dayton, Ohio. At the Ervin J. Nutter Center right off of 6-75, the World Wrestling Federation is preparing for a house show later in the afternoon. Before any of the other fans show up, Nykk’s ‘81 Camaro careens into the parking lot.)
Nykk: Gotta find a space, gotta find a space, gotta find a space...
Jay: Nykk, we were the only people crazy enough to get here this early. The whole parking lot is empty.
Nykk: Oh yeah... (he makes a sharp right turn, throwing Jay, Croooooow, and Huh into the wall of the car. He finds a parking space.)
Croooooow: Nice driving, Nykk. Now I’ve got Nathan sitting on my leg. If he doesn’t get off soon, I might decide to chew it off.
Huh: Don’t blame me. It’s not like I forced you to sit next to me.
Croooooow: The car only holds four people, Nathan. Nykk had to drive, and Jay called shotgun.
Nykk: Just get out of the car, you two.
(They get out of the car. Croooooow is wearing a Celtic robe, an uncharacteristic attire for a wrestling event.)
Jay: What a day. First the Renaissance Festival, and now we’re here to see the WWF!
Nykk: You know, Jim, you could have changed clothes or something.
Croooooow: I know, but something inside told me I should wear this.
(The four almost get run over by a 4 x 4 pickup truck.)
Nykk: Hey, watch where you’re going, asswipe!
(The car brakes instantly, and a very large man gets out and walks angrily toward Nykk. Well, it’s the Big Show!)
Nykk: Um... eep.
Big Show: (in his deep voice) You godd a broblemm wid me, bod?
Nykk: (look of terror turns to look of confusion) What the hell are you saying?
Big Show: (raises his hand in the air) Aaaaaaggggggghhhhhh!
Nykk: Uh oh.
(The Big Show picks up Nykk and throws him about six feet into a nearby dumpster.)
Croooooow: Now that was really uncalled for... (Big Show picks him up and does the same.)
Jay: Yeah... well, your entrance music sucks! (Big Show picks him up and throws him into the dumpster.)
(Huh tries to run away, but Big Show holds him by the scruff of his neck. He tries to pick him up, but even the might of Wight can’t get Huh off the ground. Not one to break rhythm, the Big Show forces Huh over to the dumpster, and after a great deal of effort, unceremoniously dumps him in.)
Croooooow: Oh great, Nathan’s sitting on me again.
Huh: Huh?
Nykk: All right, I think he’s gone. Let’s get out of here.
(The PPV Squad climbs out of the dumpster.)
Jay: Hey, look. We’re over by the backstage area. We can get backstage from here.
Nykk: Well, obviously.
Croooooow: Well, let’s move before the security guards smell what we’re cooking.
Huh: Bacon?
Croooooow: Shut up, Nathan.
Nykk: Nathan, shut up.
Jay: Shut up, fatboy.
(They all wait during the space for Cheesecake’s line, and then sigh. They move to the door where several wrestlers have been going in. Suddenly, a security guard runs at them.)
Security Guard: Stop, or I’ll say stop again!
Nykk: (stops) Well, we can’t have that.
Guard: What do you think you’re doing?
Jay: We’re VIPs.
Guard: Well, where are your stickers? Let me see them.
Croooooow: (throws up the hood on his robe and waves his hand at the guard) You don’t need to see our identification...
Guard: I don’t need to see your identification.
Croooooow: These aren’t the fans you’re looking for...
Guard: You’re not the fans I’m looking for.
Croooooow: You can go about your business...
Guard: You can go about your business.
Croooooow: Move along...
Guard: Move along, move along. (waves them forward)
(They go inside.)
Huh: Wow, that was awesome! How did you rip off a Star Wars sequence so well?
Croooooow: It took years of practice, a Jedi-like robe, and a Playstation commercial.
(They continue through the backstage area.)
Jay: Why do I get the feeling we’ve been back here before?
Croooooow: I’m getting that feeling too.
Nykk: Me three.
(Meanwhile, another security guard advances on them. Croooooow scoffs, and lifts his hood again.)
Croooooow: You don’t need to see our identification...
Guard: I don’t need to see... (looks at Jay) Hey, I remember you!
Jay: Huh?
Huh: Hey, that’s my line!
Guard: (looks at the rest) I remember all of you. (Points to Jay) Especially you. You kicked me in the balls!
Jay: I have no idea who you are.
Guard: My name is Larry Montoya... you tried to prevent me from being a father... prepare to die.
Jay: Umm... (kicks the guard in the balls) Run!
(They all run. A few minutes later, they stop, exhausted.)
Jay: Why... *HUFF* do I get the feeling... *HUFF* that we’ve been through that before?
Nykk: I don’t know... *HUFF* but I’m trying to keep this story short, so let’s move on.
(They make their way backstage. They stop in awe of the famous wrestlers they’re surrounded by.)
Vince McMahon: (spots Nykk) Nykk! (Walks over and shakes his hand) So good to see you again. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have thought of one of the longest angles in the last five years!
Nykk: What?
Vince: GTV! It was your idea.
Nykk: Okay...
(At that moment, in walks Hardcore and Crash Holly. With them is a blond teenager that the PPV Squad knows all too well.)
Croooooow: Well, I’ll be damned...
Jay: It’s the Hardcore Hamster!
(They crowd around their friend.)
Huh: Dusty, what are you doing here?
Dusty: I’m visiting my cousins.
Croooooow: No way!
Dusty: (gets up in Croooooow’s face) What, you don’t believe me!?
Croooooow: (tries to prevent the inevitable) No, no, I believe you, Dusty, calm down. Sheesh, I thought you looked like Hardcore Holly, but I never thought you were related.
Hardcore: Dusty, is Carrot Top Carmen over here giving you trouble?
Dusty: No, I know him, but he’s in danger of getting smacked.
Crash: (overhearing) Did somebody mention getting smacked? I love a good smackin’!
Nykk: Dusty, do you think you’re a super heavyweight too?
Dusty: What do you mean by ‘think’, Nykk? If you don’t believe me, I’ll smack ya!
Hardcore: Let me help. (He accidentally elbows Crash in the head)
Crash: (Pushes Hardcore) Hey, watch it!
Hardcore: I’ll elbow you as much as I want, Crash! (He elbows him again)
Crash: Dat’s it! (He punches Hardcore in the mouth. Hardcore retaliates with a kick to the midsection and both start to brawl. Meanwhile, Dusty reaches into this pocket and draws a zippo lighter and a can of ether.)
Dusty: Watch this. (He lights up and sprays the ether through the flame. The flame expands, hitting both Hollys and forcing them to back up.) Heh, heh, heh... I could do this all day...
(Huh doesn’t have a line, so he belches.)
Jay: Nathan, you’re a pig.
Mideon: (suddenly appears behind Nathan) You say you’re a pig, huh? I like pigs...
Nykk: Nathan, back away from the crappy worker... quick!
(Nathan tries to escape, but Mideon grabs his arm)
Mideon: Why don’t you share some of your ham with my bacon?
Huh: Bacon?
(Suddenly, the Rock nails Mideon from behind. He then gives him a Rock Bottom on the floor.)
Rock: Take that, jabronie. (Turns to the PPV Squad) You guys all right?
Croooooow: Yeah, we’re...
Rock: It doesn’t matter if you’re all right!
Huh: Thanks, Rock. You really saved my, uh... bacon.
Rock: The Rock doesn’t need your thanks, jabronie. Just get The Rock something to drink.
(Huh runs off and comes back with a soda)
Rock: The Rock takes the soda from you. The Rock lifts the soda up to the People’s Lips. The Rock is... *chug* his soda. The Rock is throwing away the empty cup.
Huh: Wow, I got the Great One a drink. Can I get your autograph, Rock?
Rock: I’ll tell you what you can do with your autograph book...
Huh: What? (The rest of the PPV Squad groans)
Rock: You can take your autograph book... shine it up real nice... turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass!
Huh: (bends over) It would be an honor.
Rock: Are you offering the Rock a piece of your fat, out of shape poontang pie!?
Huh: Yep.
(The Rock raises an eyebrow and walks off, muttering something about monkey asses.)
Nykk: Hmm, what do you know? He was bluffing the entire time.
(From across the locker room, none other than Chris Jericho walks up to the PPV Squad.)
Chris Jericho: I’ve never seen you guys before... you must be the new go-fers!
Huh: (confused) Gopher? I thought you guys said I was a pig...
Nykk: Nathan, shut up. He said go-fer... it’s a person who runs and gets coffee and stuff. Like you just did for The Rock.
Huh: Huh?
Croooooow: Don’t try to explain it to him, Nykk. You’ll just make things worse...
Jay: That’s it!
(The rest of the PPV Squad jumps at Jay’s outburst.)
Nykk: What’s it?
Jay: I finally have my name for our squad. (Looks at Chris Jericho) I’ll be Y2Jay!
Nykk: Y2J? That name’s already taken by him. (points at Jericho)
Y2Jay: No, Y2Jay, Nick.
Nykk: (enraged) Don’t call me that! It’s Nykk! Not Nick! Nykk!
Y2Jay: Whatever.
Jericho: So you guys aren’t go-fers?
Croooooow: Nope.
Jericho: I see. Excuse me a moment. (He confers with some security guards.)
Nykk: Well, he was nice to us. Now let’s all turn our backs and look in the opposite direction, for nothing of note could possibly be happening behind us...
(They all turn their backs. The security guards walk up behind them and grab them by their shirts.)
Huh: What’s going on?
Croooooow: Where are you taking us?
(Outside, all is calm until the four remaining members of the PPV Squad come spiraling out the side exit of the Nutter Center.)
Nykk: The feeling of concrete on my ass. Feels familiar... somehow.
Croooooow: Must be that damned Deja Video. It makes everything seem familiar.
Y2Jay: Yeah, let’s just go find our seats and enjoy the event.
Huh: All right!
(They all walk off, except Nykk. He stands at the stairs that lead to the entrance and looks up at the sky. Croooooow comes back.)
Croooooow: Nykk... are you pondering?
Nykk: Yes... I have a feeling our adventures are not over... something happened in our past and I intend to find out what it is. The truth is out there...
*So ends this pointless episode*