(Some time has passed and the PPV Squad is now on the road with the WWF on a trial basis. Though they have managed to one-up Vince McMahon, they soon figure out why he let them. The travel schedule is grueling, and the Squad is soon almost too exhausted to get in the ring, set up the ring, design costumes or anything else. We catch up with the Squad in some arena somewhere, where they are sprawled out over some chairs and tables in the back, fast asleep. Only the intervention of a timely Hardcore match manages to wake them as Rhyno is suplexed through one of the tables.)
Nykk: (yawns) Does anyone know where we are?
Rhyno: (hits a low blow on Test) We're in Long Island, New York.
Nykk: Thanks, Rhyno.
(Rhyno takes some time to gore Nykk out of his chair.)
Rhyno: Don't mention it. EVER.
(The hardcore match moves on.)
Croooooow: Hey, there's something taped to Nathan.
(Cheesecake removes a piece of paper from Huh's back.)
Cynric: What does it say?
Cheesecake: It's from Vince. It says, 'PPV Squad, your assignment for tonight is to go to WWF New York and host Raw. Signed, Vince. P.S. You're late!
Y2Jay: Guess we'd better get down there then.
Huh: Why are you here?
Y2Jay: (shrugs) I'd be at work, but I don't have a job anymore.
(They rush to Manhattan and take a cab to WWF New York. They arrive to loud cheers in the packed restaurant.)
Cheesecake: I didn't know we were so popular.
Nykk: They're just happy to see anyone affiliated with the WWF. No matter if our names are Stone Cold Steve Austin or Essa Rios.
(Security guides them to the stage, where they're given microphones.)
Cynric: Uh, guys…
Croooooow: What?
Cynric: What are we supposed to do?
Croooooow: Just follow my lead.
(He raises the microphone.)
Croooooow: Hello fans of New York City!
(The crowd cheers.)
Croooooow: Are you ready to have some fun?
(The crowd cheers.)
Nykk: Are you ready to have a blast?
(The crowd cheers louder.)
Cheesecake: (gyrates) Are you ready to get it on?
(The crowd falters a bit before cheering loudly again.)
Y2Jay: Uh…
(There are a few seconds of uncomfortable silence.)
Cynric: Now what, geniuses?
Nykk: Hmm…
Croooooow: Uh… Shut up, Nathan!
Nykk: Nathan, shut up!
Y2Jay: Shut up, fatboy!
Cheesecake: (to Cynric) Shut Nathan up!
Cynric: Wait a minute. Nathan didn't even say anything stupid.
Nykk: Matter of fact, where is Nathan?
(They look around but don't see him anywhere. Meanwhile, a tech guy motions to them that they're about to go on the air for the obligatory WWF New York plug.)
Croooooow: Any ideas?
(The cameras switch on, showing the inside of WWF New York instead of Raw.)
Jim Ross: (voice cuts in) …fans in WWF New York. And hosting Raw live from WWF New York is the PPV Squad! Guys, how's it going?
(The Squad is still looking around.)
Nykk: Uh… great.
Croooooow: Yeah… we're having a ball here in… in…
Ross: WWF New York?
Cheesecake: Yeah.
(They keep looking around.)
Ross: You guys lose something?
Nykk: Yeah, Nathan. We don't know where he went.
Ross: Did you check the kitchen? Maybe he wants to try some of the delicious JR's Imaginary Barbeque Sauce, on sale wherever my personal fantasies are sold!
Croooooow: (smacks himself in the forehead) Of course. The kitchen. Thanks, JR.
Huh: Help!
(They look toward the sound of Nathan's voice, and see him being carried out of the building by men in fatigues. He kicks and screams all the way out the door.)
Y2Jay: Hold on, fatboy! We're coming!
Nykk: Sorry JR, but we have to go.
Ross: All right, you boys have a nice night.
(Cynric grabs the tech guy.)
Cynric: Who were those guys?
Tech Guy: The US Army owns a pizza parlor next door. They use the place to try and find new recruits.
Nykk: Uh oh. You know what this means…
PPV Squad: An Episode.
(They follow Huh out of the building just in time to see him get stuffed into the back of an army truck. Right before the truck starts moving, the PPV Squad jumps on top and hitches a ride. Hours later, they arrive at boot camp. They wait until the recruiters drag Huh from the truck before revealing themselves.)
Cynric: (to Nykk) Now what? I assume you have some sort of plan that will inevitably fail.
Nykk: Of course. We wait behind this truck. When five recruits walk by, we drag them behind the truck and beat the crap out of them, stealing their uniforms in the process.
Croooooow: Good a plan as any, I guess.
Y2Jay: Nathan really is an idiot for getting himself into this.
(Cheesecake's hand balls into a fist and shakes up and down.)
Cheesecake: Okay, what's with the hand? This is beginning to freak me out.
Nykk: Never mind that now. Let's just carry out our plan.
(They wait behind the truck and eventually six recruits walk by. The Squad drags them behind the truck and sounds of scuffling are heard. A few moments later, the recruits walk out and continue on their way as if nothing happened. The Squad emerges, rubbing the bruise marks on their faces.)
Cynric: Nice plan.
Nykk: Do you have any better ideas?
Cynric: As a matter of fact, I do.
(They locate Huh, who is being marched along with the other recruits. One by one, the Squad sneaks along behind anything that can hide them until the platoon comes to a stop.)
Drill Sergeant: Push-ups! Now!
(The recruits all drop and do push-ups, except for Huh, who's staring off into the distance. The female drill sergeant walks over to him.)
Drill Sergeant: Why aren't you on all fours with your butt in the air, maggot?
Huh: Huh?
Drill Sergeant: (gets in Huh's face) Do you wanna mess with me?
Huh: What?
Drill Sergeant: You will obey my orders. Do you understand me?
Huh: Yes sir… ma'am!
Drill Sergeant: What did you say!?
Huh: Yes ma'am… sir!
Drill Sergeant: What!?
Huh: Yes sir… sir, ma'am!
Drill Sergeant: You get down and give me fifty right now, or you won't eat for three days!
(Huh squeals in fright and starts doing push-ups like there's no tomorrow. The drill sergeant counts them off as he does them, while the PPV Squad sneaks up.)
Cynric: Grab him!
(They grab Huh and drag him to the nearest Army truck. They get in with Y2Jay taking the wheel.)
Nykk: Step on it, Jay!
Y2Jay: Um, Nick… there's no keys!
Nykk: Don't call me that! It's Nykk!
Y2Jay: Whatever.
(Several privates jump onto the truck but Croooooow locks the doors.)
Nykk: Well, check around for some!
(They search frantically until Y2Jay pulls them out of his pocket.)
Y2Jay: Ah, had 'em the whole time! Just messing with ya.
(They give him an annoyed stare as he turns them in the ignition. As soon as the truck is started, he peels out. Meanwhile, one of the privates breaks the window and grabs Huh by the throat.)
Soldier: Where ya think yer goin'?
Croooooow: We're liberating our friend, so back off!
Soldier: This is the US Army! We don't know the meaning of the word 'liberation!'
(Huh belches in his face and the private releases his grip to hold his nose, falling off the truck. A private on the other side breaks the driver's side window and is just barely slapped away by Y2Jay.)
Y2Jay: Come on, guys. Do something about those other three, will ya?
Croooooow: No sweat. Come on, Nykk. Let's go out there.
Nykk: I'm not going out there!
Croooooow: We've played tons of action video games with situations like this. We'll be fine.
(They open the door and jump onto the roof of the truck. The privates close in and proceed to beat the crap out of them.)
Cheesecake: (climbs up) Nykk, don't tell me you forgot.
Nykk: Oh yeah!
Nykk and Cheesecake: (join fists) PPV Squad powers activate!
(They become Hack "Big Mac" Manhouse and Big McLargeHuge, otherwise known as the mighty Slamcheese. Their girth forces Croooooow and one of the other privates into the bed of the truck where they collapse the canvas cover.)
Slamcheese: Come on, big th'exy! Let'th take out the tra'th!
Manhouse: Don't call me by Kevin Nash's nickname. Ever.
(They each pick up a soldier and throw him off the truck. Meanwhile, Croooooow is still getting the crap kicked out of him. A right hand sends him reeling and he falls into an open box, getting stuck. Slamcheese and Manhouse revert back to Cheesecake and Nykk.)
Nykk: Jim's all boxed in! Let's help him!
(They jump down and take hold of the private's arms while Croooooow kicks him in the nuts. Out of nowhere, Huh comes in with an M-16 and nails the soldier, who falls out of the truck.)
Huh: That's for trying to make me perform a patriotic duty!
PPV Squad: (chanting) U-S-A! U-S-A!
(However, another truck pulls up behind them, this one containing Huh's drill sergeant. They open fire on the PPV Squad's truck.)
Drill Sergeant: You won't get away!
(The PPV Squad hides behind some boxes.)
Cheesecake: Any ideas?
Huh: This box has live grenades in it.
Cheesecake: Then pick one up and throw it at them!
(Huh picks up a grenade and throws it at the truck without bothering to pull the pin. It cracks the windshield but otherwise doesn't harm anyone.)
Drill Sergeant: Ha! You think a mere projectile will stop the US Army! We're all we can be! We're… oh sh-t!
(At that moment, it starts to rain grenades as Croooooow and Nykk dump the entire box overboard. The drill sergeant's truck swerves and hits a tree.)
Huh: Yeah! Take that, you big meanie!
Y2Jay: Hey guys, get back in here! I think we're out of the camp's perimeters.
(When they finally catch up with the WWF, they're in Greensboro, North Carolina at a Smackdown taping. As they walk in through the door, the APA and a few other midcarders stop them.)
Faarooq: Not so fast. We've never seen you around here before.
Nykk: We work for the WWF, so would you please let us in?
Bradshaw: Naw, he's right. I ain't ever seen you younguns. You ain't spies for WCW are ya?
Croooooow: WCW?
Hardcore Holly: Yeah, those WCW boys have been invadin' us so we're gonna put a stop to it. Now prove that you aren't WCW or I'll smack ya!
Cynric: Look, we have no way of proving that we aren't WCW…
K-Kwik: They're from WCW! Get 'em!
(They lunge for the Squad but they manage to duck and dodge and get past everybody. However, before they're in the clear, they encounter Kaientai.)
Taka: Ah, WCW, we meet at last. Prepare to DIIIEEEE! HA HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Wait a minute… where have you vanished to?
(The PPV Squad had already run past them and disappeared into a locker room.)
Funaki: InDEED!
Croooooow: That was a close one.
Nykk: Yeah, things must be really tense around here right now.
Cheesecake: Oh I don't know… being pounded on by a half a dozen, strong, burly, th'exy men in th'pandex'th really get'th my blood…
(Y2Jay kicks him in the ass to shut him up before he even gets started. They search for Vince McMahon and they soon find him by a water cooler.)
Vince: You're…
Nykk: Yeah, late. We know.
Vince: It's serious this time. I'm going to have to fine you $30,000.
Croooooow: $30,000!?
Huh: Guys…
Y2Jay: We don't have that kind of money!
Huh: Jay…
Vince: Well you better come up with it soon, or…
Huh: Guys!
Nykk: Hang on one second, Vince. (turns to Huh) Nathan, what?
Huh: They gave me $30,000 for college back when I was in the Army.
(He opens a briefcase he was carrying to show them the money.)
Cheesecake: Holy…
Croooooow: So what are we waiting for? Let's pay Vince.
Nykk: Not just yet.
(He takes about $4,000 and turns to Vince.)
Nykk: Sorry about that, but we only seem to have a measly $4,000 on us.
Vince: Ah, good enough.
(Nykk holds out the money, but Vince snatches the briefcase from Huh and walks away.)
Cynric: Oh, Vince. What do you want us to do now?
Vince: Nothing. You've been replaced.
Cynric: Replaced!?
Vince: Some guys from WCW took your spot.
(Some guys who look identical to the PPV Squad walk in, except they're wearing WCW shirts instead of WWF shirts.)
Vince: Say hello to the PPV Crew: Rykk, Servo, Shortcake, Eh, YBlueJay and Cerdic.
Nykk: How come we've never heard of you guys?
Rykk: Well, we've never been on TV in WCW, but we've been reviewing their PPVs on the Internet for years and lately we've been having these Episodes where we had all sorts of adventures with the stars of WCW.
Eh: Eh?
YBlueJay: (swats him on the head) Pay attention, fatboy! Let Rick talk.
Rykk: Don't call me that! It's Rykk!
YBlueJay: Whatever.
Eh: When do we eat?
Servo: Shut up, Nathaniel!
Rykk: Nathaniel, shut up!
YBlueJay: Shut up, fatboy!
Shortcake: (to Cerdic) Shut Nathaniel up!
Cynric: Oh boy. We are SCREWED…
To Be Continued…