(When we last left the PPV Squad, they had just busted Huh out of the US Army and were set to take their last test in getting into the WWF. However, Vince McMahon found some impressive youngsters by the name of the PPV Crew and replaced the Squad. Little did Vince know that the Crew was really working for Shane McMahon and WCW.)
Vince: So there you have it… you've been replaced. See ya!
Huh: Vince… you replaced us?
Vince: I already said that. Shut up!
Rykk: Vince, you're so naïve.
(Vince looks oddly at Rykk.)
Vince: What do you mean?
Servo: Do you honestly think that such a blatant rip-off of a WWF-affiliated product, in this case the PPV Squad, was the work of something other than the company that has been blatantly ripping you off for years?
YBlueJay: Yes. Let's introduce our real boss… Shane McMahon!
(Shane walks out while the Crew applauds.)
Shane: Yeah, yeah, buddy, hey, hey, hey, whoa! That's right, Vince, I'm matching you on every level, even the level that includes "Prospects that don't have a chance in Hell of making it." Yeah, yeah, whoo!
Vince: I will not let this go unpunished! I'm making a special tag team match for tonight's event in… that… very… ring. On one side it will be the PPV Squad: Nykk, Croooooow, Cheesecake, Huh, Y2Jay and Cynric vs. the PPV Crew: Rykk, Servo, Shortcake, Eh, YBlueJay and Cerdic!
Nykk: Hey, he's talking like we're going to be on TV!
Croooooow: Are we going on TV, Vince?
Vince: No, it's a dark match.
Nykk: But you were in character.
Vince: Character? That's the way I talk.
Shane: Anyway, enough of that, biggity-bam. Tonight, the PPV Crew is going to dismantle the PPV Squad on behalf of WCW Prospects who don't have a chance in Hell of making it up and down the roster! Boo-ya!
(Shane and the PPV Crew make an exit.)
Huh: So we're going to be on Raw?
Y2Jay: No.
Huh: Jakked?
Y2Jay: No.
Huh: Metal?
Cynric: It's the same show, Nathan.
Huh: Oh. Smackdown?
Cheesecake: What? That's tomorrow night, you idiot!
(Cheesecake's hand balls into a fist and shakes up and down.)
Nykk: Well, we've got a match to…
Cheesecake: Oh no you don't! You've been doing this for three episodes. We're not continuing until we find out what's with my hand. I don't care if there's the PPV Crew, the 65,536…
Nykk: Shhh! Don't give it away!
Croooooow: Okay. Let's see what we know. Art's hand does that every time we call Nathan an idiot. Logic would dictate that Art's hand is possessed by a spirit that does not like Nathan.
Cynric: You got all that from logic?
Croooooow: No, I skipped ahead a few pages.
Cynric: Where did you get that script from?
Croooooow: Nathan.
Huh: Heh… just a little something I picked up somewhere.
Nykk: (snatches the script) No more of that. There's only one way to be sure. We find a Ouija board and see what happens.
Vince: Yeah, whatever. By the way, if you win your match, you'll have passed your final test and will be signed to contracts that I'll probably release you from next week.
PPV Squad: Dangan!
Croooooow: Shouldn't you be getting ready for the show, Vince?
Vince: Well, I COULD go and watch Patterson frighten the WCW guys, but this is far more interesting.
Cynric: So where are we going to find a Ouija board?
(A few minutes later, the Squad walks in to the Undertaker's locker room, where he's sitting with his wife.)
Nykk: Hey Undertaker, we have a question.
Undertaker: (stands up) Did you ever introduce yourselves to me?
Nykk: Uh, yes, I'm sure I did at some point. Why?
Undertaker: I sure hope so. You don't want to wind up like the last guy who didn't introduce himself in a timely, courteous and otherwise gentlemanlike manner.
Croooooow: Who was that?
Undertaker: You know that Sean O'Haire guy?
Y2Jay: (gulps) Yeah. What happened to him?
Undertaker: You know how he's teaming with Chuck Palumbo?
Nykk: Yeah…
Undertaker: You know how he's STILL teaming with Chuck Palumbo?
Nykk: Ah. I see your point.
Undertaker: (sits back down) So… what do you guys need from the ol' Dead Man?
Croooooow: Well, seeing as how you used to be Satan before Dusty took the job, we figure you might have a Ouija board somewhere around here.
Undertaker: Yeah. How else am I supposed to contact the ethereal plane from this dimension of existence?
Croooooow: Uh… yeah. Anyway, can we borrow it?
Undertaker: Sure. This brings back memories.
(He reaches into his bag and brings out a Ouija board, which he hands to Croooooow.)
Croooooow: Thanks, Undertaker.
Undertaker: Don't mention it, but I cannot seem to recall your names. Are you SURE you introduced yourselves?
Nykk: Uh… we have to go now. Bye!
(The PPV Squad makes a hasty exit. A few minutes later, they find a table to place the board on. They put the pointer on the board and Nykk, Cheesecake, Croooooow, Y2Jay and Huh put a couple of fingers on it.)
Cheesecake: Can anyone hear us?
(The pointer slowly moves over to 'YES.')
Huh: Does Taylor like me?
(The pointer moves around in circles as if confused.)
Nykk: What kind of a dumbshit question is that?
Huh: Sorry, I'll ask a different one. Am I going to star in my own music video?
(The pointer moves about randomly again.)
Cheesecake: Where are you getting these stupid questions, Nathan?
Huh: From the back of the box. Tell it to answer! I really want to know.
Y2Jay: It's a spirit, not Miss Cleo.
Cheesecake: Is Nathan an idiot?
(The pointer moves quickly to YES.)
Cheesecake: What is your name?
(The pointer moves and spells out N-A-M-O-I.)
Croooooow: Namoi?
(The pointer moves to YES.)
Cynric: Is this a male spirit?
(The pointer moves to NO.)
Nykk: What's a female spirit doing possessing Art?
(The pointer spells out I-L-O-V-E-A-R-T.)
Croooooow: First time for everything, I suppose.
Nykk: Okay, then. We wondered, and now we know why.
Huh: How can we beat the PPV Crew?
Y2Jay: Nathan, for the last time, she's not a…
Cheesecake: Wait, she's answering.
(The pointer spells out something, but doesn't make it past the third letter.)
Cheesecake: Let… me…
(They all stare at him.)
Nykk: What did you say, Art?
Cheesecake: It wasn't me. (voice changes slightly) Let… me… control…
Cynric: She wants you to let her take control of your hand.
(Art nods.)
Nykk: But not too soon. Save that for our big comeback.
(Meanwhile, the PPV Crew enters the area.)
Rykk: Frickin' at last, we've found you.
Nykk: 'Frickin' at last?' You couldn't come up with a catchier rip-off than that?
Rykk: Never mind that. We just came by to wish you luck, that's all.
YBlueJay: I'll see you guys out there. I have to drop by work real fast.
(He walks away.)
Y2Jay: Where does he work?
Servo: Steak 'n Shake.
Y2Jay: That BASTARD! He's the one that took my job!
Cerdic: Jayson got that job through perfectly legitimate means. Anything else you heard was probably made up by my brother Jamie here.
Servo: Hey, this is an Adventures of the PPV Crew episode, not PPV Crew Outlaw! Talk to Rykk.
Nykk: No it isn't! I wrote this thing! He's just riding on my coattails. What a bunch of copycats!
Cynric: Pssh. More like sloppycats.
Croooooow: (laughing) Your name's Jamie!
Shortcake: (sizing up Cheesecake) Hey! We're th'exy bitches!
Cheesecake: Well, I won't argue there.
Cerdic: I've heard of being in love with yourself Bart, but this is ridiculous!
Eh: Eh?
Huh: Don't even try ripping off my line again you fat *%*(%%$*&!
(They all stare at him, amazed at the conviction in his voice.)
Huh: Heh… just a little something I picked up somewhere.
Rykk: Anyway… Marv, tell them why we came over here.
Cerdic: We just wanted to stop by and shake your hands.
(They all move in to shake hands.)
PPV Crew: We will break you.
(The WWF Live Event music cues up and the crowd starts to cheer. The Crew grins maliciously and walks away.)
Servo: Where in Hades is that instrumentation coming from?
Croooooow: Really now! That was just a plain awful rip-off!
(They hear Howard Finkel announcing the PPV Crew.)
Y2Jay: It's time, Nick.
Nykk: Don't call me that! It's Nykk!
Y2Jay: Whatever.
Nykk: I think we're supposed to be WALKING, right now.
Croooooow: Right. Time to wander around… aimlessly.
(They get up and head toward the ring. Meanwhile, the PPV Crew makes their entrance. Soon, the Squad emerges and gets the same dead silence from the crowd that the Crew did.)
Croooooow: Okay, Art. Remember… try to hold it in.
Cheesecake: All right.
(They face their rivals across the ring.)
Huh: (to Eh) Hey Tubby, did you decide to eat three buffets on your way to the ring? Cause you are FAT!
Eh: You're fat too, Pudgy.
Huh: Am not!
Eh: Are too!
Huh: Am not!
Croooooow: Shut up, Nathan!
Servo: Shut up, Nathaniel!
Nykk: Nathan, shut up!
Rykk: Nathaniel, shut up!
Y2Jay: Shut up, fatboy!
YBlueJay: Shut up, fatboy!
Cheesecake: (to Nykk) Shut Nathan up!
Shortcake: (to Rykk) Shut Nathaniel up!
(They all eye each other with hatred.)
Nykk: Attack!
(A brawl erupts with Squad members duking it out with their Crew counterparts. Eventually, it settles into a regular tag match. Nykk dropkicks Servo, but it's brushed away. Servo misses an elbow drop and Nykk hits a legdrop. He tags Cynric, who takes down Servo with a combination of martial arts kicks. Servo tags YBlueJay, who gets clotheslined by Cynric, and Nykk quickly hits a frog splash before scurrying out of the ring. Cynric tags Huh, and they land a double DDT on YBlueJay. Huh lifts him up and hits a reverse shoulderbreaker and tags Croooooow.)
Croooooow: Come on, Nykk! Let's show Vince what we've got!
(He suplexes YBlueJay and tags Nykk. They whip YBlueJay into the ropes. As he rebounds, he's hit at the same time by a high cross body from Nykk and a clothesline from Croooooow. Nykk falls on top of him and gets a two count.)
Cynric: Nice double team, brother!
Croooooow: Thanks. All those moves we made up are suddenly coming in handy.
(However, it's obvious the PPV Squad is tiring. The Crew's stamina kicks in and YBlueJay is able to kick Nykk in the midsection execute an inside cradle for two. YBlueJay tags Servo, who hits a spinning heel kick and a falling headbutt. He goes to the second rope but misses a legdrop when Nykk rolls and gets to his corner.)
Nykk: (tags Croooooow) We're in trouble. It looks like these guys have had some wrestling training.
(Servo runs to avoid confronting Croooooow and tags Cerdic. Croooooow executes a flying head scissors, but gets caught with a back bodydrop.)
Nykk: We need a big distracting thing.
(They wince as Cerdic plants Croooooow with a brainbuster. He gets a two count, but Croooooow scrambles and manages to get to his corner.)
Y2Jay: (gets the tag from Croooooow) I still have that number on my cell phone, remember?
(He gets in the ring only to be met with a vicious clothesline from Shortcake.)
Nykk: Yeah, I forgot about that!
(Y2Jay throws his cell phone back to Nykk, who catches it. A few moments later, the Hardcore Hamster emerges from under the ring.)
Hamster: Does someone need a smackin'?
Nykk: (points to the PPV Crew) Yeah. Them! They're trying to steal our gimmicks! Flaming Smack, Dusty!
Hamster: I don't think so.
Huh: (perplexed) Huh?
Hamster: Where's the threat ta me? Whaterya 'fraid of? Some half-wit tries ta steal your thunder, and you cry like a bunch of pussy whipped bitch-boys? I'm tired of doin' stuff for ya. If ya don't come up with a reason why I should smack 'em in the next few seconds, I'll smack YA!
Cheesecake: (points) Look!
(An odd character that looks like the Hardcore Hamster emerges from under the ring, except that he's wearing all white instead of all black. The Hardcore Hamster gets in the ring and they stand face to face.)
Hamster: Who the hell are you?
Squirrel: Hi! I'm Rusty, the Softcore Squirrel. You're going to try and hurt my friends aren't you? That wouldn't be very nice. We should all just get along since there's only one race of intelligent beings on this planet, which we constantly pollute with our…
*SMACK!*
(The Softcore Squirrel drops unconscious to the ground courtesy of the Hardcore Hamster.)
Hamster: Well, that was easy. Later!
(He gets out of the ring and walks up the aisle. Meanwhile, Y2Jay counters a bodyslam from Eh into a reverse DDT and crawls toward his corner.)
Huh: All right, Jay's making a comeback!
(They all reach their arms out to tag Y2Jay, but Eh runs in and clotheslines Nykk and Cynric. Angered, they dash into the ring only to be held back by referee Tim White. Meanwhile, Eh and Servo double-team Y2Jay.)
Nykk: Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em!
Cynric: They'll pay for that!
Tim White: No, no, no! Get back in your corner!
Nykk: Wait a second. Are we falling for one of the oldest heel tricks in the book?
White: Yes. Yes you are.
(Disappointed, Nykk and Cynric get back in the corner while Rykk applies a figure four leglock to Y2Jay.)
Cheesecake: He's fading fast! We've got to do something!
Cynric: Come on, guys! It's time to clap rhythmically!
(They start a steady clap to encourage Y2Jay and the crowd eventually joins in. Y2Jay somehow manages to reverse the figure four and force Rykk to break it. However, Rykk goes right back to work on the knee. He lifts Y2Jay by the leg, but Y2Jay responds with an enziguri kick to Rykk's head. They both fall and crawl toward their corners. The Squad members reach out with their hands and Y2Jay tags Cheesecake at the same time Rykk tags Servo.)
Cheesecake: Here'th what I like to call 'The Nutstacker!'
(He executes a drop toehold on Servo, who rolls to his back. Cerdic runs in and gets DDTed between Servo's legs and lays limp. Shortcake runs in and gets flapjacked right on top of Cerdic in a… very graphic position.)
Cheesecake: Like my ma'th'terpiece?
(The PPV Squad applauds, but as Cheesecake bows, Eh and YBlueJay attack him from behind. Another brawl erupts, but the PPV Crew starts to get the better of the PPV Squad.)
Nykk: I think it's time for our secret weapon!
Cheesecake: (nods) Right!
(Namoi takes control of his hand, which starts to wave about randomly. Finally, firmly in control, Art's hand grabs Shortcake by the nuts and rams him into Rykk. Rykk is knocked out of the ring, but as Shortcake bounces back off the ropes, Cheesecake lands a low blow from behind. He turns around to clothesline YBlueJay, allowing Huh to hit a moonsault from the top rope.)
PPV Squad: HUH?
Huh: Heh… just a little something I picked up somewhere.
(Cheesecake runs and hits Eh from behind with a forearm. As Eh staggers forward, Cynric nails him with a big boot. On the outside, Y2Jay hits a Tombstone on Cerdic. Rykk climbs back in the ring, but is dropkicked by Croooooow while Nykk hits a high leg clothesline on Servo. Croooooow applies an STF on Rykk while Nykk applies a Texas Cloverleaf on Servo. The Crew members soon tap out and Tim White calls for the bell.)
Howard Finkel: Here are your winners… the PPV Squad!
(The crowd cheers and the Squad celebrates. However, out of nowhere, Rhyno runs in and gores Croooooow. The PPV Crew gets back in the ring and continues to fight. The brawl spills to the outside and into the backstage area. They fight all the way to an exit, with Rhyno and Y2Jay fighting it out. Eh headbutts Cheesecake, who slumps against the door. Rhyno seizes the opportunity and charges, but Cheesecake steps aside and Rhyno crashes into the door, opening it in the process.)
Y2Jay: DOOR! DOOR! DOOR!
(The PPV Squad manages to kick the PPV Crew out of the building and shut the door behind them. As the Crew gets up, they notice Tazz standing nearby.)
Rykk: Hey, Tazz. You're on our side. Help us bust down this door!
Tazz: (takes a good look at them) Ay, I rememba you's guys. You're da ones that tried to blast me into out-uh space, right?
Servo: What? No, that was…
Tazz: (shakes his head) Naw, I rememba exactly what you looked like. You like ta make fun uh da way I tohlk, too, dontcha?
(An army of 65,536 Tazzes walk around the side of the building.)
Tazz 30,545: Yeah, whaddya mean by DAT?
Tazz 2,091: You sayin' we ain't good at gettin' our point across?
Cerdic: No, that's not what we're sayin'…
Tazzes 1-65,536: Dat's it! Come 'ere!
(The Tazzes crowd around until only the PPV Crew's shadows are visible on the arena wall. As they try to retreat, several Tazz shadows pounce on them and screams of pain are heard. Meanwhile, the PPV Squad is celebrating in their locker room.)
Croooooow: Yes! We're in the WWF, guys!
Nykk: Freakin' FINALLY!
Y2Jay: Cheers!
(They realize that they don't have anything to drink.)
Cheesecake: Dammit. Nathan, did you forget the champagne?
Huh: Huh?
(Without warning, Paul Heyman breaks through the locker room wall, sending bits of plaster and drywall everywhere.)
Paul Heyman: Oh yeah!
Nykk: What's wrong with you, Paul?
Heyman: Nothing, nothing. I assure you that everything is fine. Or can I?
Cynric: What do you mean?
Heyman: With Vince McMahon's history of screwing you over, how can you sign contracts to work for him? If you come over to the WCW/ECW Alliance, I guarantee that your work and effort will be appreciated.
Y2Jay: But we hate WCW. We always have.
Heyman: But you liked ECW, right? You bought our PPVs, reviewed them, said good things about our live shows?
Croooooow: Yeah…
Heyman: So why not go with an organization that emphasizes the wrestlers over Sports Entertainment? Let's say the PPV Squad gets EXTREME!
(The Squad huddles and soon comes to a decision.)
Nykk: Sorry Paul, but it's been our lifelong dream to work here, and we're going to make the most of it. As tempting as your offer is, we'll always like the WWF the best.
Heyman: Hey, that's OK. You should be proud of your accomplishments.
(He reaches behind him and holds up a tray holding cups with red liquid in them.)
Heyman: I noticed you don't have anything to drink to celebrate. How about some nice Kool-Aid? I made it myself!
Huh: All right, Kool-Aid!
(The Squad snatches the cups and begins chugging them one after another.)
Heyman: Hey guys, come on, save some for the rest of the boys.
(All of a sudden, the Squad members' eyes glaze over and Heyman starts to laugh maniacally.)
Nykk: Must… get… extreme…
Croooooow: And hardcore…
Cynric: Must… join… ECW!
Huh: Braaaaaaiiins!
(They slap him in the head to shut him up.)
Heyman: (laughs) Perfect. This Invasion has just been taken down a level. To ECW's level!
To Be Continued…