(In the town of St. Louis, at the Keel Center, the WWF gears up for Raw is War. Fans file into the arena expecting a spectacular show like only the WWF can provide. In the sitting room of the arena, Vince McMahon nervously paces back and forth.)
Vince: What am I going to do? Raw’s only a couple of hours away, and we can’t advance the angles because of these fans. I only promised one episode, but I know this PMS Squad is hell bent on becoming a regular fixture around here.
Jim Ross: Don’t call them that! It’s the PPV Squad.
Vince: Whatever.
Ross: Besides, I’ve been researching their historical documents, and they pinpoint the fact that they fail at everything they attempt to do, from assaulting a building to buying food at Wal-Mart. I don’t think we have anything to worry about.
Vince: Historical documents? Jim, have you been watching Galaxy Quest again?
Ross: Yes. (hangs his head)
Vince: We’ll get that treated later, but first we need a plan for tonight.
Ross: I’ve been thinking about that. They all think that wrestling is fake. What if we show them that it’s not fake?
Vince: But it IS fake!
Ross: Not tonight it won‘t be.
Vince: I see. We’ll make them not want to ever come back to Raw again!
(They laugh maniacally.)
(Two hours later, most of the PPV Squad are outside the building.)
Cheesecake: Where’s Jay? Did he have to work again?
Nykk: No, even he wouldn’t miss this. He’s going to be late, though.
(They come to a double door bar with WWF logos on each one.)
Croooooow: I guess we should ring the doorbell.
(He rings the doorbell. Suddenly, one of the WWF logos opens up and the Kat peeks through.)
Kat: Who rang that bell?
PPV Squad: We did!
Kat: Can’t you read?
Nykk: Read what?
Kat: The notice!
Cheesecake: What notice?
Kat: It’s on the door as plain as the nosejob on my face. (She shuts the WWF logo.)
Cynric: (reading) Doorbell out of order. Please knock.
(They knock and the Kat opens the logo again.)
Kat: That’s better. Now state your business.
Cheesecake: We want into the backstage area.
Kat: Uh... the backstage area? But nobody can see the backstage area. Nobody’s ever seen the backstage area! Not no one, not no how! Even I’ve never seen the backstage area!
Huh: But you work here.
Kat: Well... uh... um... you’re wasting my time! (She slams the logo shut.)
(They knock again, and the Kat opens the logo.)
Nykk: Oh come on, Kat, we’re performing tonight. Vince McMahon okayed it.
Kat: Prove it!
Croooooow: See this canister I’m holding? It contains one of Nathan’s farts. Vince said to present it at the door.
Kat: (looks) Oh, so you are! Why didn’t you say so in the first place? That’s a hair of a different color! Come on in! (She opens the door and the PPV Squad walks in.)
Cynric: So, have you guys figured out how to get your memories back yet?
Croooooow: Yep. All we have to do is release Nathan’s fart, and all will be remembered.
Cynric: So why haven’t you done anything about it yet?
Croooooow: Vince said to bring it along, and we may use it in some storyline or something.
(Cynric doesn’t bother to point out the fact that they could have taken care of it and just pretended that they didn’t remember anything, like utilizing that thing called ACTING.)
Huh: Huh?
Nykk: Nobody said anything, Nathan.
Huh: Oh. I must be hearing things.
(A cameraman, who is carrying a remote camera on his shoulder, enters the hallway and begins filming.)
Cynric: Why the hell are we being filmed?
Croooooow: We must be on the air. Just do what people normally do while being filmed backstage.
Cheesecake: What’s that?
Croooooow: Walk!
(The PPV Squad starts walking, while the production truck puts chyron under them that reads:
Huh: Where are we going?
Nykk: To where people usually congregate on a wrestling show.
Cheesecake: (lisping) Down to the ring, Cheesecake’s playground!
(In the ring, Jim Ross is standing in the center, holding a microphone. Though he doesn’t usually do interviews anymore, he’s overseeing this operation personally.)
Ross: Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce the PPV reviewers you’ve never heard of, the PPV Squad!
(Meanwhile, the Hardcore Hamster wanders to the pyrotechnic table. He glances at all the explosive triggers and his eyes glaze over.)
Hamster: I’m home!
(The PPV Squad come out to a "the hell are these guys?" reaction from the crowd. They have no entrance music, but as they’re about halfway down the ramp, all the pyro goes off at once. The Raw rockets thunder to the stage as the corners explode with flame and fireworks, and is combined with Jericho’s, Kane’s, Angle’s, Tazz’s and the Dudleys’ trademark pyro.)
Ross: Good goddamn!
(The crowd pops for the pyro as the PPV Squad enter the ring. Seeing the crowd cheer, they mistakenly believe the crowd is behind them and stop to pose.)
Ross: Gentlemen, to get to the point, you’re just here to waste our time, aren’t you?
Cynric: Damn straight!
Ross: Why don’t you introduce yourselves? (to Nykk) Who are you?
Nykk: I’m Nykk.
Ross: Nick?
Nykk: Don’t call me that! It’s Nykk!
Ross: That’s what I said!
Nykk: No, you said Nick. I said Nykk!
Croooooow: You have to spell it N-Y-K-K. Otherwise, you won’t get anything out of him.
Ross: My apologies, Nykk. Who are the rest?
Nykk: The two that look alike are Croooooow and Cynric, the gothic one is Cheesecake, the fat one is Huh, and the one that’s not here is Y2Jay.
Ross: Why isn’t he here?
Cheesecake: He had to work, but he should be here shortly.
Huh: I think he flew USAir.
Ross: Ah. We’ll be lucky if we see him tonight, then.
(Suddenly, Triple H’s music starts up, and he walks to the stage area with Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley.)
HHH: Okay, I’ve had enough of this!
Stephanie: Yeah, what’s your purpose for being out here?
(Nykk looks like he’s about to respond but realizes he has no response. The PPV Squad huddle and then break.)
Nykk: To improve the workrate on this show!
HHH: Yeah, I’ve read your reviews. You used to think I was a bad worker. True, your reviews led me to a change of heart to realize that wrestling matches are an art form and I must try harder to have better ones, but still, I’m not going to let you get away with those bad reviews! So tonight, in........... this............. very........... ring.........
Nykk: Well, what OTHER ring would you be challenging us in?
HHH: It sounds more intimidating that way. Now, quit stalling and let me make my challenge! I want all your asses at once!
Stephanie: (screeching) Yeah, and who do you think you are, to walk in out of nowhere and taking up time on our show? This is the McMahon-Helmsley Faction, and we’re not going to put up with... (she notices the PPV Squad holding their ears) What are you doing?
Cheesecake: Stop talking!
Croooooow: Anyway, we know that a handicap match is a recipe for workrate disaster. Triple H, you ARE the Game... as the front of your T-shirt says... and you ARE that DAMN good... as the back of your T-shirt says... and you’re a former 4x WWF Champ, Intercontinental Champ, and European Champ, and not one of us is stupid enough to face you one on one...
Huh: I accept!
(The rest of the PPV Squad groans.)
HHH: Fine. I get the fat one. But don’t think the rest of you are getting off easy. We have a number of allies who would love to kick your asses!
Cheesecake: (lisping) Bring it, bitch!
HHH: All right, since it seems like you like men so much, I’m going to give you a really big one... The Undertaker.
Cheesecake: (lisping) I just think biker men are so sexy!
HHH: Cynric is going to take on X-pac, and Y2Jay, if he ever shows up, is going against the real Y2J! We’ll let them destroy each other!
Croooooow: Well, what about me and Nykk?
HHH: I’ll think of something real good for you. But for now, get lost! I can’t stand the sight of you!
Nykk: Hey, we’re in the ring, and you’re on the stage. Why don’t YOU get lost?
(HHH starts to respond, but realizes he has none, and angrily walks off. The show goes to commercial. When it comes back, the PPV Squad are being filmed in the locker room. They’re just shooting the breeze when Viscera walks in.)
Cynric: Hey, Nykk, there’s Mabel over there. Here’s your chance to tell him what a bad worker he is!
Nykk: (takes one look at Viscera) Uh... why don’t you take this one, Croooooow?
Croooooow: Are you kidding? He’ll eat me!
(Huh, however, is already walking over to Viscera. He whispers something in his ear, Viscera stands up.)
Viscera: What the hell did you just say!?
Cheesecake: Run! (They exit the locker room promptly)
Viscera: I pity da foo’ who don’t know Mista V!
Cynric: Split up! He can’t go after all of us!
(They all run in opposite directions. Viscera takes a couple of steps to go after them but walks back to the bench and sits down, already blown up.)
Viscera: Ah... *HUFF* The hell with it.
(The camera pans in on the canister, which is lying on the floor where Huh dropped it when he hightailed it. In the background, 32 Tazzes wander into the locker room and start fighting.)
[Writer’s Note: Hey, I don’t like to break tradition, so I had to put them SOMEWHERE.]
(The camera then cuts to the arena, where Kurt Angle’s music starts playing. Angle walks out with a microphone to a resounding boo.)
Kurt: You know what really makes me cringe as an American hero? This town of Dayton! (Crowd boos) It’s true! It’s true! There are so many potholes in this town, I didn’t need special engine treatment to make my car a lowrider! (Crowd boos) I know! I’m just as upset about it as you! Another thing, is that this arena smells so much like smoke that I.... Oh my God! My back is on fire!
Ross: Oh my God! Angle’s back is on fire!
Lawler: He just said that, Ross!
(Angle runs down the ramp with his wrestling tights ablaze. He has enough sense to stop, drop, and roll to put the flames out. The Hardcore Hamster walks out of the backstage area carrying a flame thrower.
Hamster: I’ll teach ya to break my cousin’s arm!
(He walks down the ramp and throws Angle into the ring, where he pounds on him with right hands
Ross: Oh my God, this Hardcore Hamster, who my instincts tell me is connected somehow with Hardcore Holly, is pounding the living hell out of Angle!
Lawler: Good call, Ross.
(The Hamster backs Angle into the corner and beels him across to the other side. He then takes a can of lighter fluid out of his black pants and covers his right hand in it. He then lights it on fire with his Zippo.)
Hamster: Time for the Flaming Smack!
Ross: My God! That man’s hand is on fire!
Lawler: Will you stop pointing out the obvious?
Ross: Ladies and gentlemen, in my 26 years of broadcasting, I’ve never seen anything like this!
(He swings for Angle, but Angle has the foresight to duck, and catches the Hardcore Hamster in the American Suplex. The Hamster lands on his arm really hard, and the crowd "ooh"s at the impact. Angle covers for the three count.)
Ross: We may need a paramedic in here to tend to this pyro!
Lawler: He may have suffered the same fate as Hardcore Holly!
(Several EMTs enter the ring, but the Hamster raises his arm and weakly swings it from side to side.)
Hamster: Smack ya... smack... oughta smack...
(The crowd applauds his vicious bump, glad to see he’s okay.)
Ross: Good, this young man is all right. What heart!
(The camera cuts to the backstage area, where Chris Jericho is walking toward the ring.)
Ross: Well, it looks like Y2J will take on the as-yet-to-be-seen Y2Jay next!
*Ad break*
(The camera comes back with Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler reading the sponsors.)
Ross: Tonight’s Raw is brought to you by Skittles bite-sized candies: Taste the Rainbow!
Lawler: And by Stridex medicated pads. Look for the new Godfather commercial playing now, because as you know, Pimples Ain’t Easy!
Ross: And by Burger King. The Rock says that those are the best damn chicken sandwiches there ever was!
[Writer’s Note: This is what it’s like when parodies collide.]
Lawler: And by Hugh Jass Unlimited, the official... HEY! Who put this on the format!?
(The Y2J countdown starts as the crowd pops. Pyro explodes and Chris Jericho makes his usual entrance.)
Lawler: What does Y2J have to be thinking about, having to face a virtual nobody?
Ross: And he hasn’t even been spotted in the arena yet!
(Another countdown begins, except it says Y2Jay on the TitanTron this time, and it counts up instead of down. At :09, there is still no Y2Jay.)
Lawler: Where the hell is this guy?
Ross: His friends said he had to work.
(At 4:50, there is still no Y2Jay.)
Lawler: Are you sure this guy exists, Ross?
Ross: How the hell should I know, King? He’s not under contract, I don’t have any background info of him, and the same goes for the only other people that know him.
Lawler: I was just asking!
Ross: Ladies and gentlemen, in my 63 years of broadcasting, I’ve never seen... or not seen... anything like this.
(Finally, at 21:45, the count stops and Y2Jay makes his entrance. The crowd, having fallen asleep, slowly begins to wake up.)
Ross: Well, finally! Here we go!
(Y2Jay runs to the ring and crouches down into what looks like some sort of football pose for the crowd. The bell rings and the match begins.)
Y2Jay: (to Y2J) Sorry, I had to work.
Y2J: Where do you work anyway?
Y2Jay: Um... I’m not sure I can tell you where since they don’t sponsor the WWF.
Ross: They’re just trying to psyche each other out early on.
Lawler: Are you sure? They look to be on friendly terms.
Ross: I’m positive, King! There’s a reason I’m a respected wrestling announcer!
Y2J: So, you wanna grab a burger there after the show?
Y2Jay: Sure! I can hook you up with some free food.
Y2J: Jay, I think this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!
(Meanwhile, the camera shows the rest of the PPV Squad at ringside. They have their own couch set up, and Huh has his own bag of popcorn to munch on.)
Ross: There’s the rest of this mysterious band of strangers. The fat one apparently is going to wrestle Triple H in the main event tonight.
(Suddenly, Triple H’s music cues up, and he walks out onto the stage.)
Lawler: Speak of the devil!
Hamster: (appears behind him) What?
Lawler: Just an expression.
Hamster: (disappointed) Oh. (walks away)
HHH: Okay, this is just plain stupid. I set you two up so you’d destroy each other, but you just won’t fight. That’s okay... I’m making this a tag team match. Road Dogg, Buchanan, get them!
("Road Dogg" Jesse James and Bull Buchanan run down to the ring and attack Y2J and Y2Jay. Meanwhile, Nykk gets up to go to the bathroom. Back in the ring, Buchanan and James team up on Y2Jay, who they know has no experience in wrestling. Y2J is eventually tagged in and disposes of the heels. However, when he goes for the Walls of Jericho, Y2Jay stumbles into him and they get tangled up. Road Dogg rolls Jericho up and gets the three count.)
Y2Jay: Sorry, man.
Y2J: That’s okay. The free food will make it all worth it. Just don’t make me look like that guy. (points to Huh)
(They get out of the ring.)
Croooooow: Hey, Jay, nice match. You didn’t really perform that well, but you tried.
Y2Jay: Dude, that’s because I was trying to survive! The matches... they’re real!
Cynric: What? I thought they were fake!
Y2Jay: I thought so too, but they were really pounding on me. And when the Road Dogg went for the Pumphandle Slam, he tried to pull a Patterson!
PPV Squad: EWW!
Ross: Folks, this is just a bizzare night. We’ll be back after this.
*Ad Break*
(The camera pans in on Nykk desperately searching for the bathroom.)
Nykk: Do we really have to film this? I’m not sure this is something you can show on national TV.
(Getting no response from the cameraman, Nykk continues his search. Eventually, he happens upon a closed door. He opens it, and sees a room with sinks and mirrors and several skimpy outfits laying around.)
Nykk: Hmm... this looks like a bathroom...
(He walks toward what he thinks are stalls, but Terri walks out wrapped in a towel.)
Nykk: Yiy!
Terri: Oh my God! It’s a man!
Nykk: What’s the matter, do you have Godfather syndrome or... (realizes where he is) Oh...
(Jacqueline, Lita, and Trish Stratus join Terri.)
Trish Stratus: Get out of here! (throws a towel at him)
Nykk: All right, all right, I’m going! Yeesh!
(He exits, and the camera cuts back to the arena where X-pac is making his entrance to face Cynric.)
Cynric: (calls to the Squad from the ring) So what should I do, guys?
Y2Jay: Kill him!
Hamster: Burn ‘im!
Y2Jay: Stab him!
Hamster: Shoot ‘im!
Huh: (eating bananas) Sit on him! (belches)
Hamster: Smack ‘im!
Cynric: (sarcastically) Thanks.
Ross: It looks like the PPV Squad are shouting encouragement to the their companion in the form of felonious threats.
(X-pac stares across the ring at Cynric with murder in his eyes. Just as Cynric gets an idea, the Mentos commercial theme starts up. X-pac takes him down with a number of kicks, and Cynric’s attempts at counters don’t work. Cynric exits the ring and pops a Mentos in his mouth, which gives him an idea. He grabs a few of Huh’s banana peels. He walks back in the ring and strategically drops them as X-pac beats him around the ring with various martial arts kicks. When they get back to where they started, X-pac can no longer use his educated feet because he slips on the banana peels, falling to his back. Cynric quickly covers him for the three count.)
Cynric: Yes! I actually beat a WWF Superstar!
X-pac: I lost. What a... new feeling. Wait a second... I don’t job! Vince! Vi-hince, they made me j-ahhhh-b!
(X-pac runs backstage, weeping like a newborn while Cynric celebrates.)
Ross: Wow. I didn’t actually expect any of these guys to win a match... ladies and gentlemen, in my 98 years of broadcasting, I’ve never seen anything like this!
*Ad Break*
(Backstage, Croooooow is getting ready for his and Nykk’s big match. Suddenly, Nykk walks in.)
Croooooow: Hey, Nykk, I just learned who we’re facing tonight.
Nykk: Who?
Croooooow: T & A.
Nykk: What are you talking about? I just took a trip through the freakin’ silicone valley...
Croooooow: No, no. T & A. Test and Albert.
Nykk: Oh yeah! Hey, they’re a pretty big profile tag team. If we do well against them, we’ll definitely prove our worth to Vince...
Croooooow: Nykk! The wrestling is real! We’re in trouble!
Nykk: Oh my God! We’re going to get our asses kicked! We have to think of something!
Croooooow: No time. We have to go to the ring NOW.
(The camera cuts back to the arena where Croooooow and Nykk are already halfway down the ramp.)
Croooooow: How did we just break the laws of time and space like that?
Lawler: They look a little apprehensive, Ross.
Ross: Who wouldn’t be? They’re facing the tandem of Test and Albert.
(Meanwhile, T & A make their entrance.)
Trish: (points to Nykk) That’s the one that invaded my privacy!
(Test and Albert have looks on their faces like they’re about to destroy Nykk, but Croooooow grabs a mic.)
Croooooow: Hey! If you guys have any testicular fortitude at all, you’ll accept our challenge to make this match no holds barred!
Nykk: Are you f*cking nuts!? First of all, garbage matches suck. Second, we’re going to get our asses kicked anyway, and I’d rather not be hit with blunt objects tonight.
Croooooow: Trust me. I have a plan.
(The match starts and immediately, Test and Albert lunge for Nykk and Croooooow. However, Nykk and Croooooow scramble from the ring and look under it for weapons.)
Croooooow: Forget good matches, let’s just try and survive! What do you want as your weapon, Nykk?
Nykk: The Cookie Sheet of Doom, of course!
(Nykk takes the cookie sheet, and Croooooow takes a STOP sign. They climb back in the ring and get to work. Nykk whacks Test over the head with the sheet, but Test just stands there.)
Test: Oh please, you think those things actually hurt? (He drives a knee into Nykk’s midsection.)
Nykk: Lucky for me, I have a secret weapon... (he rolls out of the ring and reaches under it, producing a pair of boxing gloves.)
Test: Oh yeah? Two can play at this game. (produces his own pair of boxing gloves, and they start wailing on each other.)
(Meanwhile, Albert pounds on Croooooow, who drops the sign in the corner. Test throws Nykk into Croooooow, smashing him into the turnbuckles. Nykk rolls out of the ring as Albert charges. Croooooow, however, picks up the STOP sign and holds it in front of him.)
Croooooow: STOP!
Albert: (screeches to a stop) What?
Croooooow: Um... yeah. (He hits Albert over the head with the stop sign. Albert staggers around as Croooooow hits him over and over again with the stop sign.) Never doubt the power of the STOP sign.
(Meanwhile, Test and Nykk have cleared the underside of the ring of all tables, which they’ve used to make forts. They are busy shooting at each other with colorful, plastic weapons, containing deadly assortments of Nerf balls.)
Albert: T, what are you doing? Kick his ass!
(Croooooow uses Albert’s momentary distraction to kick him in the nuts.)
Cheesecake: That was a masterpiece, Jim!
Y2Jay: Yeah, couldn’t have done it better myself!
(Meanwhile, Test and Nykk have run out of ammo and are shooting rubber bands back and forth.)
Croooooow: Nykk, what are you doing? Kick his ass!
(Test finds that statement hysterical and starts laughing. Unfortunately for him, he takes a rubber band RIGHT IN THE EYE!)
Ross: Ladies and gentlemen, in my 110 years of broadcasting, I’ve never seen anything quite like this.
(Meanwhile, Test and Nykk have abandoned their fortifications and are viciously pummeling each other with pillows.)
Ross: This has turned into a circus, King!
Lawler: A circus? I don’t ever remember seeing a pillow fight at a circus!
Ross: It’s just an expression.
Lawler: Or Nerf fights... or boxing...
Ross: All right! We get the point!
(Croooooow is having some luck with Albert, hitting him relentlessly with the STOP sign. However, as he raises the STOP sign once more, Albert kicks it into his face. Croooooow slumps to the ground as Albert covers and scores the win.)
Nykk: (diving in the ring) Jim! Are you okay?
Croooooow: I see dots!
Ross: That was a brutal beatdown if I ever saw one. We’ll be right back!
*Ad Break*
(Backstage, cameras show Triple H warming up for his match by doing a few light exercises. The camera then cuts to ringside where Huh is still sitting on the couch eating popcorn.)
Ross: Good Lord, he’s been eating non-stop for the past hour and a half!
Lawler: He better get serious if he wants to stand a chance against Triple H later tonight!
("American Bad Ass" cues up and The Undertaker rides his motorcycle to ringside. The crowd cheers loudly.)
Lawler: The Undertaker looks annoyed at having to face a nothing from some PPV Squad.
Ross: Hopefully, Cheesecake won’t do anything to incur the Phenom’s wrath.
(Cheesecake walks down the aisle but never takes his eyes from the Undertaker out of fear. He promptly trips over the Undertaker’s motorcycle, tipping it over and sending them both to the concrete.)
Ross: Uh oh. Undertaker’s not gonna like this, folks.
Lawler: No sh--, Ross.
Cynric: (listening to the commentary on headset) Hey, what happened to the censors?
Y2Jay: I think they’re at the pyro table, along with... uh oh.
(The Undertaker glowers at Cheesecake, who’s so scared that he quits pretending to be gay. He gets in the ring, takes one look at the pissed off Undertaker, and just lays down.)
Cheesecake: Pin me! Win the match! Just don’t hurt me!
(The Undertaker walks over and steps on Cheesecake’s groin. Cheesecake sits up in pain and gets punched in the head, sending him back down. The Undertaker repeats this about ten times.)
Ross: Ladies and gentlemen, in my 540 years of broadcasting...
Lawler: Will you SHUT UP already!?
Croooooow: We should save him!
Nykk: I’m not getting in there!
Cynric: Me either, and Nathan has an important match coming up.
Huh: Huh?
(Finally, the Undertaker picks Cheesecake up by the throat and chokeslams him. The cover is a mere formality. As the Undertaker poses, Cheesecake rolls painfully out of the ring.)
Y2Jay: Oh well, Art. At least you gave it the old college try.
Huh: So, was it good for you?
Croooooow: Shut up, Nathan!
Nykk: Nathan, shut up!
Y2Jay: Shut up, fatboy!
Cheesecake: (to Cynric) Shut Nathan up!
*Ad Break*
(Backstage, Triple H walks toward the ring with Stephanie at his side. They cut to Huh, who is leaning against a wall.)
Y2Jay: (from off-camera) Psst... you’re supposed to be walking, Nathan.
Huh: I’m too tired to walk.
Cheesecake: Then how are you getting to the ring?
Huh: Uh...
(Out in the arena, Triple H makes his entrance. However, a song everyone thinks is "American Bad Ass" starts up. Except, it’s not The Undertaker, it’s Huh, with his version, "American Fat Ass." He comes out driving a golf cart.)
Nykk: (sitting at ringside) Where did he find a golf cart at an arena anyway?
Croooooow: Beats me, but it advances the plot.
(Huh manages to drive the golf cart right off the stage, taking out a buffet table set up for the ring and tech crews. Huh walks to the ring, pausing to rest on the post for a moment. Meanwhile, Triple H’s music cues up, and the Game makes his entrance. He grabs a mic.)
HHH: Now, I realize that you’re all a bunch of imbeciles, especially you, American Fat Ass! But I have something that may be some incentive for you... (holds up the canister containing Huh’s fart)
The Crowd: HUH?
Nykk: What? How did he get that!?
Croooooow: Where did you leave it, Nathan?
Huh: Huh?
HHH: Anyway, if you manage to beat me, you can have it back. When I beat you, you all have to stay away from the WWF FOREVER... or until the next plot twist brings you back.
Huh: (grabs a mic) Okay, when you deal with my fumes, you make business PERSONAL!
Ross: Triple H just made business PERSONAL!
Nykk: Uh oh, guys! It’s PERSONAL!
Croooooow: So you think it’s PERSONAL?
Cynric: I do think it’s PERSONAL!
Cheesecake: Are you sure it’s PERSONAL?
Y2Jay: I’m sure it’s PERSONAL!
Hamster: And if you don’t believe me, I’ll smack ya!
Huh: Come here so I can kick your ass all over St. Louis!
(The crowd pops until they realize that they're in Dayton and the opener was just a typo. Triple H walks down to the ring and tackles Huh, punching him relentlessly.)
Ross: He’s whipping him like a government mule!
Lawler: What the hell IS a government mule anyway, Ross?
(Huh fires back with fists of his own. At ringside, Nykk sneaks up behind Stephanie, who’s holding the canister. She sees him and throws it to Triple H. Triple H catches it but Huh tackles him. Triple H throws it to X-pac on the ramp, who is quickly smacked by Dusty. X-pac manages to throw it to Road Dogg, who is now cornered by the rest of the PPV Squad. Road Dogg makes a run for the ring, and soon, everyone is in fighting over the canister. A missile dropkick from Croooooow flattens Road Dogg and he fall on the canister, which breaks open, spewing noxious fumes.)
Ross: Ugh! He took it right in the face! Ladies and gentlemen, uh... (looks at Lawler)
Lawler: Don’t say it, or I’ll kick your ass myself!
(Triple H pedigrees Huh and pins him. DX then takes care of the rest of the PPV Squad with their finishers, until The Rock, Rikishi, and Chris Jericho run in to make the save. The PPV Squad limps out of the ring, leaving the faces to send the fans home happy.)
Cheesecake: Hey! I remember! I dressed up as one of the Godfather’s ho’s and got a blood bath!
Huh: I wrestled Val Venis as The Blue Meanie!
Croooooow: Me and Jay got beat up by Mankind!
Y2Jay: I kicked a security guard in the balls!
Nykk: And I was behind GTV!
Cynric: Good. Now that that’s settled, maybe we can move on with our lives and they’ll get back to normal.
PPV Squad: Nah!
(They walk off through the crowd while the faces clear the ring of DX and send them back to the ramp.)
X-pac: Hey, Dogg, are you alright?
Road Dogg: I think so... but I have this sudden urge for bacon!
HHH: Shut up, Road Dogg!
X-pac: Road Dogg, shut up!
Stephanie: (to X-pac) Shut Road Dogg up!
The End