Royal Rumble 2000

Okay, I forgot what I was going to open with. Moving on...

People with epilepsy should not watch Triple H's entrance. This match actually started pretty slow. Standard punch-kick technical genius moves from HHH, but the bell and a chair also came into play. Jack ate a chairshot from HHH early on. They went outside and decided to take a stroll into the stands, and ended up in the aisle. HHH found some wooden pallets and laid two of them down with evil intentions for Jack. However, he countered with a suplex, and HHH went onto the pallets. And believe me, I've been dropped on a wooden pallet before... it hurts! They went back to the ring, where Jack reached under the ring and produced a 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire. The ref tried to stop him, but got shoved down. HHH grabbed the 2x4 and nailed Jack in the stomach and back with it. Jack was able to low blow him with the 2x4 portion of it, and the ref swiped the damn thing and gave it to the Spanish announcers for safekeeping.

*laughs hysterically*

Jack got angry with the ref, who ratted out the hiding place of the object. Jack went out of the ring and took it from the Spanish announcers and got back in the ring. HHH tried but couldn't fend it off. Jack kasplatted HHH right in the head with the barbed wire and tore into him with it. They went out of the ring where Jack tried to piledrive HHH through the ENGLISH announcing table, but HHH countered with a backdrop. Back in the ring, HHH worked on Jack's knee, and hit it with the 2x4. HHH took some handcuffs from Howard Finkel and handcuffed Jack's hands behind his back, just like last year. HHH threw in the steel steps, but Jack was able to do a drop toehold and send HHH crashing into them. Jack fought back with a low blow and tried to bite HHH's ear, but HHH clothelined him. Triple H got a chair and kaboshed Jack across the back and then on the head. They worked their way into the aisle where Jack dared HHH to hit him again. Before he could,

The Rock

This was another garbage match/spot fest that was way better than the norm. The rules were that each member of a tag team had to be driven through a table by one of their opponents in order for a team to win. They started out by brawling, with some powerbombs thrown in. Both teams pretty much avoided tables early on. D-von moved a table out of the way just as Matt and Jeff double superplexed Buh Buh Ray from the top rope. The Hardys got a ladder, which they used to clothesline Buh Buh over the top rope. On the outside, Buh Bun and Jeff paired off. Jeff propped Buh Buh on a table and tried to smash him through it by running the guardrail, but Buh Buh smashed the table into Jeff's head as he came flying off. Matt came out and got the upper hand, propping Buh Buh on a table. He climbed the ladder and came off with a legdrop at the same time that Jeff came off the opposite turnbuckle with a splash, and they put Buh Buh through the table. Matt tried to put D-von through a table, but he moved and Matt and Jeff both crashed through a table, but neither Dudley propelled them, so the match continued. They fought into the aisle, where Buh Buh stacked up three tables! He climbed with Matt to the balcony and tried to powerbomb him, but Matt got loose and sent Buh Buh through the tables! Meanwhile, Jeff and D-von were fighting. Matt came down to help, and put D-von on a table while Jeff climbed to the balcony. Jeff then executed his somersault diving senton from the balcony! D-von went through the table and the Hardys won the match. This was about an eighth of an inch away from being Match of the Night, but it didn't have the psychology to be on the same level as HHH/Cactus. Very, very close, however.
Rating: ***1/4

The Royal Rumble

D'lo Brown turned out to be the first one out, and was followed by Grand Master Sexay. Mosh was the third entrant. Kaientai, angry at being bumped out of the Rumble, attacked the participants but were soon eliminated. Joe C.hristian was next, followed by Rikishi Phatu, who made a difference by eliminating everyone except Grand Master Sexay. Coincidentally, the next one out was Scotty Too Hotty, and they convinced Rikishi to dance the 90 seconds away. They danced for a couple of seconds, before Rikishi turned on them and eliminated them from the Rumble! Too Cool weren't too happy, but Rikishi kept on dancing, like The Sultan of swing he is. The buzzer sounded and here comes Steve Blackman. There goes Steve Blackman. Next up was F'N Mabel (or as Cheesecake would say, "Mabel Syrup!") Mabel dominated Rikishi, but Phatu came back and made Mabel's head seem to shrink with three superkicks. He then clotheslined him out, getting rid of at least one pile of suck. Next was The Blues Brother Bossman who decided to play it smart and wait outside. After 90 seconds, Test Ease came out and threw the Bossman in the ring. The Manchester Mongrel was next, followed by Gangrel. Kaientai hit the ring again, and were once again promptly eliminated. However, Taka took a nasty spill that sent him to the hospital apparently. Kid Rock Edge was next, followed by a surprise entrant: Bob Backlund! All six guys ganged up on Rikishi and finally dumped him out. Out next was Yes 2 Jericho, who eliminated Backlund. Wow! His presence was... pointless. Crash "I started with a nickname, but I'll still smack ya" Holly was next, followed by Chyna: Warrior Princess. Chyna went after Jericho, and she got dumped over the top onto the apron. She suplexed him out of the ring, but was knocked off the apron by the Bossman. Faarooq, Faarooq, Faarooq is on Fire! was next, and The Mean Street Posse came in and ganged up on him, helping to eliminate him. They were soon tossed out themselves. Following that were Road Doggy Dogg and Al Snow. The Bulldog was eliminated by The Road Dogg, who spent most of his time in the Rumble laying in a corner. Val Venis was next followed by Funaki, who was determined to continue Kaientai's pointless activity. He was dumped once again. As The Earl of Albert hit the ring, Edge was eliminated by the Bossman. Bob "I'm Hardcore, and if you don't believe me, I'll smack ya" Holly was next, followed by The Rock. Notice how the top face always seems to get a high draw in the Rumble? A few people ganged up on the Rock for calling them jabronies a couple of weeks back. Billy's Bunns were next, and The Rock threw Crash Holly out. Next was The Big Tall Goofball, who eliminated both Test and Gangrel. Bradshaw was next, and once again the Posse attacked, allowing the Outlaws to dump him out. Faarooq came down and the Acolytes brawled with the Posse. Citizen Kane was next, and it only took him a short while to eliminate Val. The God-awful was out next, hoes and all. Kane eliminated Prince Albert. As promised, X-pac was no. 30. The Big Show eliminated Hardcore Holly and The Godfather. The Rock eliminated Snow. Billy turned on the Road Dogg and eliminated him, and was in turn eliminated by Kane. Gunn attacked Kane, drawing all the officials over. X-pac was thrown out by the Rock, but no refs saw it, so X-pac sneaked back in. He hit a spinning heel kick on Kane, eliminating him. X-pac was then thrown out by the Big Show, and only BS and The Rock were left. The Rock dropped Show and executed the People's Elbow. Somehow BS came back, and had the Rock on his shoulders. He took too much time and The Rock was able to hold on to the ropes and pull the Big Show out with him. The Show hit the floor but the Rock held on and climbed back in the ring to win the Rumble. A few reasons I had to rate this lower than the above two matches. First, anything less than two minute intervals piss me off. Second, way too predictable. Everyone knew beforehand that The Rock would win the damn thing. Third, all the good workers were wasted in the first ten numbers or so. At least it didn't totally blow like last year's.
Rating: **3/4

This was a pretty okay match, but didn't get enough time, most likely due to the length of the other matches. Kurt opened with his usual spiel, (while the crowd chanted, "We want Tazz!") but then Madison Square Garden went orange and out came Tazz. Somehow Ross and Lawler were too dense to pick up on Tazz's catchphrases over the last few weeks, yet they immediately knew to call him The Human Suplex Machine. Tazz dominated Angle while the New York crowd chanted "ECW!" but Angle fired back and hit an overhead belly to belly suplex. He worked over Tazz, but took too much time on the top rope. Tazz crotched him and gave him a hand and arm super Tazplex. Angle ate a T-Bone Tazplex and Tazz locked in the Kata Hajime. The ref did the hand-drop-thing, and Tazz was declared the winner. Later on, Angle asked an EMT if he won. The EMT said all he knew was he was choked unconscious. Angle said if he was choked, that means he still must be undefeated. This is a good thing for both guys. Angle keeps his undefeated streak and in the process gets more heat by technicality, and Tazz debuted strong. It also sets up a feud for these two.
Rating: **

Chemistry was really lacking in this one. Jericho vs. Holly might have been better than decent on its own if Chyna had been knocked out and stayed that way. But nooooo! She decided to stink up the place with her usual offense. All three got in their specialty moves in this one, with Jericho turning Holly's hurracanrana into The Walls of Jericho. However, Chyna stopped him, and she put Holly in the Pedigree. Holly kicked out, and after a couple minutes, Jericho hit a springboard moonsault on Chyna for the win.

"It didn't end in confusion!"
-Croooooow

Rating: *3/4

This was pathetically short, with The Acolytes dominating most of it, and The Outlaws showing what little talent they have by not selling the beatdown well at all. About the only good move was Bradshaw's Clothesline from Hell, which Gunn sold pretty well. X-pac interfered (big surprise) and kicked Bradshaw. While Faarooq took care of X-pac, Gunn hit the FameAsser on Bradshaw for the pin. The match pretty much sucked, and it wasn't The Acolytes fault. Stupid booking and two no-talents are to blame. Big surprise that the Outlaws had to cheat to win, and Acolytes came off looking very weak.
Rating: *1/4

I suppose some mention should be made of the Miss Royal Rumble Swimsuit Competition. There. I mentioned it.

Definitely not a bad outing. I'd say it's the WWF's best showing since SummerSlam, and a big improvement over last year's Rumble. Unfortunately, we enjoyed the event so much that we had very little to pick on, so there's no Random Sound this month.

Overall PPV Rating: ***