I was going to make this a little more chronologically in order, but I thought about and I thought about it... then I stopped thinking about it. Then I thought about it again. In the end, I decided not to change the review.
Hey, shouldn't the European be the first belt on the line? Anyway, good showing by these three, with their jazzy technical moves, and by saying that, I secure my overness on the Internet. These three went at it for about seven or eight minutes, and Angle tried his new finisher, the Cross Face Chickenwing.
*Heat Flashback*
On Heat, Bob Backlund talked about himself being the conspiracy behind Angle having to defend both belts. The gist of it was he's not tough enough, or something. Angle responded by putting Backlund in the Cross Face Chickenwing.
Croooooow: Doesn't it take at least three people to start a conspiracy?
Me: I don't know. Let's see if we can start one tomorrow and find out.
Croooooow: What should be our subject of conspiracy?
Me: (after thinking) Well, I guess it does take three people!
Tangents. Gotta love 'em. Meanwhile, in the match, Benoit and Angle go outside where Angle is thrown into the screeching vultures (the fans). Benoit hit his swan dive headbutt on Jericho and pinned him for the IC title. He immediately covered Jericho again, but Jericho kicked out. Angle re-entered the fray, and proceeded to miss a moonsault. Jericho slapped on The Walls of Jericho, but Benoit stopped it. Somewhere in the middle of this, the ref disappeared. Benoit cinched in the Crippler Crossface on Jericho, who tapped, but the aforementioned ref must have had something more important to do. Jericho was released, and he managed to get Benoit in the Walls of Jericho, but Angle hit him with the European belt. He covered Jericho, but Benoit grabbed Angle and pulled him to the outside. After beating him down, he threw Angle back in, and attempted his swan dive headbutt. Angle moved, and Jericho hit a springboard moonsault on Benoit and pinned him for the Euro belt. As much as I loved this match, it was a pain to review, because I don't have access to the videotape, and I can never remember who did what to who in a Triple Threat. That, and my fingers keep wanting to type 'ANgle.'
Rating: ***1/2
Great, ANOTHER Triple Threat Match! Kidding aside, this was another sweet match, though a spotfest, as I knew it would be. At least highspots will be easier to remember. They started off brawling. Jeff attempted a 450 splash on Bubbalicious but missed. As Buh Buh Ray and Matt were brawling on the floor, Christian climbed one of the ladders and dove on top of them. Meanwhile, Jeff was climbing a ladder, but Edge came off the top rope with a spear, and speared him right off the ladder! Christian re-entered and went for the gold, but Buh Buh Ray stopped him, giving him a Buh-Buh Cutter from the middle of the ladder. Buh-Buh sold the move like it hurt him as well, giving the Hardys time to each scale a ladder and hit the splash/legdrop combo on Buh Buh. The Dudleys were taken care of for a few moments, and Edge, Christian, Matt, and Jeff climbed up two of the ladders, but a facebuster and a neckbreaker brought them off. Poor Matt looked to have caught the bottom rope on the back of his head as he fell. Edge and Christian got back up a ladder, but were pushed off all the way to the floor! Buh-Buh Ray went for a few tables, which he slid into the ring. The Dudleys set a sturdier looking table across the tops of two of the ladders to make a platform, and set up another one at the bottom. Jeff brawled with Buh Buh Ray on the outside, while D-von was being taken care of. Buh Buh set up a table in the aisle and went for a much taller ladder (there were ladders strewn all down the barricades in the aisle). Jeff recovered and laid Buh Buh across the table, scaled the ladder and delivered the Swanton Bomb!
Croooooow: HOLY SH--!
The Crowd: (chanting) Ho-ly sh--! Ho-ly sh--!
Meanwhile, Edge, Christian, and Matt were climbing the ladders and stood on the platform the Dudleys made just under the belts. Matt reached up and touched them, but Edge gave him a hit to the midsection, which caused him to fall off the platform and through the table at the bottom. Edge and Christian then unhooked the belts and we had new champs! Great match, but I could live without these six trying to commit suicide every PPV. Take it easy, guys. You'll have a longer career.
Rating: ***1/2
This was a pretty good match. Eddie lost a few points with me by starting this "Latino Heat" thing, which had Lawler repeating it many times throughout the match. Lawler, shut up! The match mostly focused on Eddie being afraid of Chyna, and Malenko barely got to display anything worthwhile. The end came when Chyna reversed an Eddie Bomb and countered with one of her own. Then she gave him a sleeper neckbreaker and got the duke for her team.
Rating: **3/4
If I had trouble calling a Triple Threat, I have no chance in a Four Way. This match gets extra points just because the crowd was way into it. The Big Show was the first out, as he was Rock Bottomed and pinned by The Rock. Triple H tried making an alliance with The Rock against Foley, but he would have none of it. He tried the same thing with Foley, only Foley double crossed him. Foley found his 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire, but got it used against him. Foley gave HHH the Mandible Claw, but dropped him to give it to The Rock. Triple H then low blowed both of them. They went to the outside, where Foley laid Rock out on the Spanish announcing table and climbed to the top rope. He didn't jump far enough, and only got a little bit of the Rock with his elbow. HHH then jumped off the railing and Oh Dios mio! Mataron al vector espaoñol de la anunciación! Tú bastardos! HHH and Foley got back in the ring, where they wrestled for several minutes. HHH Pedigree'ed Foley, but he kicked out! HHH then got a chair, Pedigree'ed Foley on it and scored the three count. Foley rolled out of the ring, raised one arm in the air, and walked off to a standing ovation, having realized his dream. HHH and The Rock battled back in forth for several minutes, until they rolled to the outside, where Rock rammed HHH into the steps and suplexed him into the ENGLISH announcing table! Oh my God! You killed the English announcing table! You bastards! Vince McMannequine got involved by attacking HHH. Shane McMannequin came back out to attack Vince, hitting him with a television monitor. As they carried Vince out, The Rock hit the Rock Bottom on HHH. However, Vince came back in, grabbed a chair, and hit The Rock over the head with it! Triple H covered The Rock and got the win. Holy crap! The face has never come out of the last WrestleMania match a loser! Vince and Stephanie McMannequin hug, while the fans give them a good soda shower. The Rock came back to the ring and delievered Rock Bottoms to Vince and Shane. Stephanie slapped him, so she got one, as well as a People's Elbow. Pretty average match, but the surprise ending made it worthwhile. What I don't like is having a big swerve like this to entice us to watch Raw the next night.
Rating: **1/4
Despite being a hardcore match, there was much happening in the match, which made it better than usual. Don't I say that every PPV? The rules were you had to pin the Champion to win the title, and the man with the title when the bell rings is the winner and Champ. At one point, Tazz, Mabel, Funaki, all tree uh duh Mean Street Posse, Thrasher, and Hardcore Holly won the title. In the last ten seconds, Crash was again the Champ, but Tazz had him in the Tazzmission. Hardcore came in and nailed them both with a candy jar, and covered Crash. The clock was supposed to run out before the ref could count to three, but it didn't, so he was forced to count to three and award the title to Hardcore Holly.
Rating: **
A pygmy midget came out in a cheese suit to beat his butt cheeks in Al Snow's latest goofy idea. The timing in this match was way off, but there were a few good points. Test and Albert hit a double ten story powerbomb on Al Snow. The backbreaker/legdrop combo on Test was pretty sweet too. Test eventually hit Blackman with his elbowsmash to score the pin. Afterwards, Steve Blackman and Al Snow did their backbreaker/legdrop combo on a block of cheese. I can't believe I just typed that!
Rating: *1/2
Jesse James must be desperate for new lines, because this had to be the worst yet. Nothing much evenful happened in the match, except Tori getting the ass in the face from Rikishi. Kane eventually Tombstoned X-pac and pinned him. There! That feud is OVER, WWF! Too Cool came out to celebrate, but the San Diego Chicken came out to dance with them. The overselling that Pete Rose was inside the Chicken Suit convinced me he wasn't.
Ross: After the dancing's over, this may be the last time we ever see Pete Rose.
Kane was watching the Chicken warily. Pete Rose then entered the ring and tried to hit Kane with a baseball bat. Kane spoiled his plans by chokeslamming him. Pete then got Rikishi's ass in his face! But who was in the Chicken Suit? Did he raise the briefcase?
Rating: *1/4
This match lost big points, as if it were going to get any, by their theme song being sung by Ice T. D'lo definitely deserves better. This match didn't even belong on this PPV. It was more like a Jakked main event. Stuff happened, and Bossman hit the Bossman Slam on D'lo and Bull hit a guillotine legdrop for the three count.
Rating: *
This "catfight" was really a two person battle royal. Really, if no one was going to get naked, what was the point of this? Val Venis made it slightly humorous as a ref, wearing a striped towel to the ring and doing everything in his power to keep the fossils out of camera view. Eventually, someone won, and someone's clothing got ripped off.
Rating: *
Overall PPV Rating: ***1/4
Pretty average for a WrestleMania. I would expect better for the WWF's biggest show of the year. Two spectacular matches, followed by a few average matches, followed by sh-- that didn't deserve to be on the PPV. The Acolytes could have been used WAY better. Bull Buchanan needs to be sent back to the bush leagues.
Sign of the Night: CONDOMS PREVENT DUDLEYS
Random Sound of the Night: Some fan who kept screaming, "Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" in a high-pitched voice throughout the show. And I swear, it wasn't Cheesecake!
That's all for now!