TINY JOSEF: Drives teachers nuts
Liam: "Here, come on, I'll sing a few" Noel:"No" Liam:"Why not?" Noel:" Because then we can't do any of the new songs" Liam:"Why not?" Noel"Because you can't remember any of the lyrics to the new songs." Liam:"Yeah I will." Noel:"No, you won't." Liam:"Name a song then." Noel"I'll bet you fifty quid that if I name a song you won't be able to sing it n front of this lot." Liam:"Okay, go on then, go on. Any tune. I'll sing it. Bet ya." Both brothers dipped in their pockets and pulled out 50 pound notes. Noel:"Right, "Rocking Chair" Liam:"Okay 'Rocking Chair' it is." Noel played the opening chords, a knowing grin spreading over his face as he stared at Liam. Liam turned to his mike and started singing, "I'm older than I wish to be/This town holds...nah,nah,nah" His voice trailed off and Noel stopped playing. "Thankyou very much." Noel said then whips the money out of Liam's hands. The crowd loudly cheered, called out for more. "Here are, here are" Liam said. "Here's a song I can remember." He turned to the crowd. "You know this one, sing along." Then conducting the crowd with his hands, he sang "Kumbaya my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya my Lord, kumbaya." The crowd started singing back with great gusto, and Liam turned to his brother as if to say, "See."(from "Getting High: The Adventures of Oasis" by Paulo Hewitt. copyright 1996, pg. 40-41)
The road is long with many a winding turn that leads us to who knows where, who know where. But I'm strong, strong enough to carry him. He ain't heavy, he's my brother. So on we go. His welfare is of my concern. No burden is he to bear, we'll get there. For I know he would not encumber me. He ain't heavy, he's my brother. If I'm laden at all, I'm laden with sadness that everyone's heart isn't filled with the gladness of love for one another. It's a long, long road from which there is no return. While we're on the way to there, why not share? And the load doesn't weigh me down at all. He ain't heavy, he's my brother. He's my brother. He ain't heavy, he's my brother...
Once upon a time in London, Liam Gallagher got really upset at Patsy, Noel, and the rest of Oasis. He was mad because he didn't feel appreciated and he thought they thought all of his ideas were crap. He went to a pub to drownd his sorrows and there he met up with Mr. Angel-Bean, who Liam thought was really Guigsy. Since Liam was so drunk, he began to talk to him like Guigs, and started chatting to him how "nobody appreciated him, and the band didn't need him, bla, blah, blah,and he wished he was never born..."
Being sympathetic, Mr. Angel-Bean grants Liam his wish, mainly to prove to Liam how much he was needed.
In a few minutes Liam woke up in the same pub and tries to order another drink butr discovers he has no pocket money, so he tries to order a g&t on fame alone. "Hey I'm Liam Gallagher, the big rock star, give me a g&T and put it on my tab." Liam says. "Hey I don't fucking care if you're Prince Charles, if you have no money you are outta here" the bartender bellows while two tuffs "escort" Liam out the door.
Liam walk the streets expecting to see paparazzi taking pictures, but except for a few people walking by no one else is even on the street that late at night, and no one pays attention to Liam at all. Liam finds the house where he thinks he lives, but instead of Patsy he finds a middle aged couple who threaten to call the cops. Liam walks to where "Supernova Heights" is supposed to be to find Noel & Meg, but instead there is no glass sign and another middle aged couple lived there too, and they also threaten to call the coppers.
Liam tries to find Guigsy and Bonehead but he can't find either one. Then Liam has the foresight to look in the telephone book and finally finds Alan White's name. Liam goes to Alan's flat, but Alan doesn't recognize him. Whitey though feels a little sympathetic towards Liam, so he lets him in and listens to Liam's unbelievible story. Though Alan thinks Liam's a bit daft, when Liam mentions Manchester Alan says "Well mate, your story's a bit carzy but here's some money so you can take the train to Manchester to see your mum.". Liam accepts the money and goes over to the train station, buys a ticket, and rides all the way to Manchester.
Liam rides the train to Manchester but is surprised that no one recognizes him. "Step off thee train alone at dawn...Back into the hole where I was born.."Liam coyly remembers Noel's song, as he steps off the train into Manchester. Liam walks along through some of his old haunts and somehow makes his way to his mum's house. As he approaches it though he notices that it's minus the repairs that he and Noel had paid for last year. He walks up and rings the doorbell and his mum answers, looking pretty much the way he remembers he r
She though is surprised to find this scruffy young man on her porch so she tries to shoo him away. Liam persists and she finally breaks down and tells him where
Noel lives.
Liam is surprised to find Noel back in Manchester but he thinks "Oh well maybe he can help me
straighten some things out, so he wlks along until he finds Noel's house. The house turns out to be a far cry from "Supernova Heights", and when Liam knocks on the door a little girl with dark hair and dark eyebrows answers the door. "Sorry I must have the wrong place. I was looking for Noel Gallagher." Liam said.
"OH my da's name es Noel but what do you want from him? You're not the taxman are ya? Ya kinda look like the guy on da's record that says "I'm the Tax-Maan..." the little girl asks. "I'll get my mum...Hey mum the big scary guy from da's Taxman record is 'ere" she yells.
"Hey I'M Not the Tax-Maan you little..." Liam says. "What are you on about Chrissy", a woman yells. Suddenly a young woman walks in and Liam suddenly recognizes her as Noel's old girlfriend Louise. Liam tells his story once again, but as this Mrs. Gallagher is about to speak, the little girl comes in crying and saying that her little brother was picking on her again. Suddenly the mother yells "John William Gallagher you get in here right now. Quit picking on your sister and quit kickin your football around the house." In walks little Johnny, all of 3 years old. To Liam he looks a little like Noel and a little like himself as a lad, and the behavior of the boy was truly all too familiar. Noel's wife then sits the boy in the corner and goes on to tell Liam how she and Noel married in 1991 and little Christy was born in 1992 while little John was born in early 1994 in of all places King Tut's Wah Wah Hut.
She begins to tell him this strange story how Noel had worked for the "Inspirals" but never really made it big, but one night in 1994 they went out to "King Tut's Wah Wah Hut" and while there Noel saw Allen McGee and was about to sell him one of his "songs" but she (Noel's wife) suddenly went into labor so they had to leave. And she ended up having her baby in the back room, Noel had to deliver it, and he missed his chance of ever meeting McGee. Liam comments that, it was unbelievible and was about to say more when Noel himself walked in. He looked a little more haggard and a little heavier than Liam had remembered and he was wearing a blue workshirt with the name of a hardware store on it. After a slight altercation with his wife over some financial matter and him asking her about why Liam was there, he proceeds into the living room where he yells "Hey what 'appened in 'ere? Looks like a storm hit it?" he yells. Then his wife explains about little Johnny kicking a football around,
but he blows her off, rolls his eyes, and invites Liam to come in and tell his story. Liam tells his story about thetheir being brothers and rock stars to boot, etc. Noel though just laughs and says that's the funniest story he's ever heard. "Imagine me and you playing on the board in Manchester in "the biggest band in the world", so you say." "Yeah right." "Ha ha very funny." "Yeah I sorta dreamed of that 4 or 5 years ago but, I never met the right band, and besides after being Married With Children and being 30 yrs old, why I'm an old man now! I don't have the energy to be jetting All Around the World.", Noel says and laughs. Liam persists that he's right but gives up and asks where McGuigan and Arthurs live. Noel says that he has a rough idea but he does know them very well.
Liam proceeds on to Paul Arthurs house and there discovers that Paul had been married to Kate for a while, they had a couple kids and a working class house. They also didn't believe Liam's story and Arthurs goes on to tell Liam that he's too old to be in a band, was married with kids so he had family responsiblities so he couldn't just go off. He finally admits though that 5 or 6 yrs. ago he'd had a band with McGuigan and some mates but it never went anywhere because they just sounded like about any other late '80's early 90's british band, nothing special and it was more of a financial burdon than anything so they just gave it up. Arthurs told Liam where McGuigan lived and Liam then went there.
Mc Guigan and Ruths living situation was similar to Mr. & Mrs. Arthurs and Mr.& Mrs. Gallagher for that matter. The Mc Guigans were living in the working class area of Manchester and they had two small children as well. When Liam told his story about being in a band to them, their reaction was similar to everyone elses. Paul McGuigan said he worked at the local green grocers stocking shelves, labeling prices, bringing in produce, etc. Ruth said she worked as a cashier at the local discount store and sometimes took in
sewing for people who needed it. It was all they could do to get by, so they said. Paul McGuigan told how he was in a band with Paul Arthurs and some of his mates when he was younger, but that was in the past now. Paul did seem quite a bit more relaxed because he'd never had his nervous breakdown, so Liam was glad at that.Liam though still got angry that no one knew who he was much less believed his story that he went out sulking and into a pub. While in the pub he saw an old, dirtied tabloid that said bold as brass across the to
"Actress, Patsy Kensit set to marry Damon Albarn." Well that made Liam angrier than ever and he went storming out of the pub. He began to knock about some garbage cans and caused a general disturbance that the police came and took him to jail. While in jail, Liam became overcome with grief and began to honestly cry. Suddenly Mr. Angel-Bean came to him and said "Oh Liam how do you like your life now? You're not the center of attention anymore and the band aren't mad at you anymore." "Well I don't like it. Nobody knows me, the band "Oasis" never formed because Noel, Bonehead, Guigsy, and Alan never knew
eachother that well. Now they're all living in subclass housing, though Guigs seems happy enough, and they never fullfilled their dreams, Patty's marrying Damon (that lil' !@#$%^&) and I'M STUCK IN JAIL!!!" "I wish everything would go back to the way it was." Liam wished. Suddenly Liam blinked his eyes and he was back in the old pub in London where he'd started from. He got up off the floor and everyone crowded around, some even asked for autographs.
Liam suddenly feels generous, like Scrooge at the end of Dickens "A Christmas Carol", and buys everyone a drink. Then he goes out and walks home to find Patsy still there but still a little angry. Liam tells Patsy that he's sorry and that he'd make it up to he later that night (oh brother!). Then he goes and calls up Noel & Meg, Bonehead & Kate, Guigsy & Ruth, and Alan & Liz, and tells them all to come over for a little impromptu party. Liam pays for all of the food he has brought in and then apologises for his prior behavior.
They accept his apology and then go on to have a Wonderwall Christmas after all!
The End!
My parody stories and songs are
