"Sela, hurry up!" Jeremy yelled from downstairs. "The barbecue started 30 minutes ago!"
"All right, all right. I'm coming!" I yelled back as I pulled the floral sundress over my head and smoothed it into place. I grabbed my hair brush off the oak dresser and ran it through my hair as I walked over to my bed. I sat down on the green comforter and slipped on my strappy sandals. Hurriedly, I walked back over to the dresser and looked myself over in the mirror. My straight, blonde hair fell down to my waist and lied softly against my tan skin. The little blue flowers on my dress brought out the color in my eyes. I opened the dresser drawer and fumbled around for a tube of lipstick. When I found the plum shade I had been looking for, I put it on my lips and then threw it back in the drawer. I grabbed my purse and headed downstairs.
Jeremy was standing at the foot of the stairs looking at his watch. He glanced up at me as I came charging down the stairs. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You look great!"
"Thanks!" I said back to him. "Was it worth the wait?" I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the lips.
"Oh, yeah," he moaned as he kissed me again. "We better get going," I said to him as I grabbed him by the hand and lead him towards the front door. We walked outside and headed over to the red Dodge Durango that was parked at the street. We climbed in and headed off to the barbecue.
We pulled up to the red brick house about 20 minutes later. We got out of the car and the wonderful smells of barbecued chicken wafted through the air. The back gate was open and we walked through it into the backyard. There were people everywhere. Some were standing around talking, others sitting down and some were splashing around in the large pool. At the barbecue stood my longtime friend, Jordan, cooking up the food. He was wearing a white chef's hat and an apron.
"I'm gonna go say hi to Jordan," I said to Jeremy and walked off. As I got closer to Jordan, I yelled out to him, "Hey you!"
Jordan looked up at me and a sly grin spread across his face. "Hey!" he yelled back to me. "I was wondering where you were. What took you so long?"
"Well, I had to make myself beautiful," I said to him as he turned around to face me.
"That shouldn't have taken you very long, you're a natural beauty," he said to me.
"You better be careful," I said. "Jeremy's not too far away." I eyed him up and down, and began to laugh. He was wearing a large, white chef's hat and an apron that read "Kiss The Cook." "What's with the outfit?!" I asked.
"You don't like it?!", he joked with me. "This is my chef's outfit. I thought I should look the part." I began to laugh even harder as he turned around to model his outfit for me. He always acted so silly. It was one of the reasons why we were such good friends. The two of us always had so much fun together.
"Oh, it's great," I said in between giggles. "I bet you've been getting offers all day," I said as I pointed to his "Kiss the Cook" apron.
"Yeah, I have. What can I say? I'm a chick magnet!" Jordan said back to me.
"You are so silly!" I said. "By the way, where is your chick?"
"Ellen? Oh, she's not here yet. But you got here just in time. We're about ready to eat." Jordan said.
"Great. I'm gonna go find Jeremy and grab a seat," I said to him as I turned and walked away. As I walked over to where Jeremy was standing, I felt like someone was watching me. I turned around and caught Jordan standing at the barbecue, staring after me. When he saw me notice him, he lowered his head and looked back down at the barbecue.
I turned and continued walking towards Jeremy as a smile spread across my face. Jordan and I had always flirted with one another, but nothing ever came of it. The first time we met, there was this magic between us that neither one of us could explain. We just seemed to click. But, we were both involved. He had Ellen, and I had Jeremy. Neither one of us was prepared to end our long-term relationships over a silly, little crush. So, we became friends. And as our friendship grew stronger, so did the attraction and sexual tension between us.
I spied Jeremy sitting at one of the tables with his friends Marco, John, and Matt. They were all drinking beers and horsing around. "Just great," I muttered to myself. The last thing Jeremy needed was a beer. Lately his drinking had been getting out of hand. We couldn't go anywhere without him getting drunk. To make matters worse, he always acted so obnoxious when he was drunk. I walked over to the table and sat down in the chair next to him.
"Hey babe!" he said to me as he planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek. I shot him a dirty look as I folded my arms across my chest. He glared at me and asked "What's your problem?"
"You know," I said to him under my breath. He stared at me for a minute and turned back to his friends. As I sat there fuming, I looked around the party at all the people that were having a good time. I glanced back over to the barbecue where Jordan was. Ellen had arrived and the two were standing together at the barbecue. They appeared to be arguing over something. What else was new? They were always arguing. I don't know why Jordan had put up with her for so long. He deserved someone else, someone better.
I continued to watch them argue, until Ellen threw up her hands and walked away from him. Jordan stared after her for a moment. Then he shook his head and turned his attention back to the barbecue.
"It's ready!" he yelled out to the crowd of people. Everyone stopped what they were doing and headed over to the food. I stood up to join them and Jeremy grabbed me by the arm.
"Babe, can you make me a plate?" he asked, his speech slurred.
"Sure," I said to him and walked away. When I got up to the table where the food was, I went over to where Jordan was standing. He looked upset. "Is everything okay?" I asked him.
"Yeah," he mumbled. "Everything is just fine." He grabbed a plate and began piling it up with food. I reached over and touched his arm.
"Look, I saw you two fighting. You want to talk about it?" I asked.
"No, not now" he said to me as he shook his head.
I could tell that something was very wrong. But, he didn't like to talk about his relationship problems. "Well, when you're ready to talk about it, just let me know," I said to him as I rubbed his arm again.
He turned and looked at me, his brown eyes glistening in the sunlight. "Thanks, I will" he said and gave me a little smile. After we were done getting our food, I lead him over to the table where Jeremy and I were sitting. As we got closer to the table, Jordan leaned down and whispered in my ear, "I can see someone found the beer."
"You know Jeremy," I said to him sarcastically.
"I'm sorry. I hope he doesn't get out of hand," Jordan said.
"Yeah, me too," I mumbled back. I handed Jeremy his plate and grabbed a seat. As the others discussed yesterday's baseball game, Jordan and I sat in silence. Every so often we would look at each other and chuckle over the drunken baseball commentary. The great thing about my friendship with Jordan was that we could speak to each other without saying a word. Almost like we could read each other's minds.
"Are you going to eat all of that?" Jeremy asked me as he looked down at the food on my plate.
"Yes," I answered him.
"Well, you shouldn't" he said to me as he looked over at his friends and began to laugh. He picked up a bottle of beer and took a swig of it.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.
"It means you're gonna get fat again. I noticed how chunky you're looking lately," he said and began laughing again. Everyone at the table joined in, everyone but Jordan. I looked around the table at all the laughing faces. Jeremy knew my weight was a sore spot for me. I had been overweight, until I lost twenty pounds. Even though I had kept the weight off, I was still very insecure about it. How could he humiliate me like this?
I turned my eyes to Jordan, who sat there glaring at Jeremy. Jordan had never cared for Jeremy, but he kept his mouth shut about it. He knew how much I cared for him, so he figured that Jeremy must have some redeeming qualities. Jordan turned his head towards me and gave me a sympathetic look. I turned back to Jeremy, who sat there laughing hysterically.
"You asshole!" I yelled at him. I stood up and walked away. Jordan stood up too and followed after me.
"Hey fatty!" Marco yelled out. He grabbed my plate and held it up in the air. "You forgot your food!" Once again, all the drunks began to laugh.
I walked across the lush lawn and through the crowds of people, towards the tool shed. Once I was behind the shed Jordan called out to me.
"Sela," he said.
I turned around to face him as tears welled up in my eyes. "How could he do that to me?" I asked Jordan.
"He's drunk. He doesn't know what he's saying. I'm sure he didn't mean it," Jordan said to me trying to make me feel better.
"I felt so humiliated. Looking around at everyone laughing at me," I said, holding back the tears as they were about to plop out.
"Come here, you" Jordan said to me as he stretched out his arms. I went over to him and wrapped my arms around him. He squeezed me tightly in his warm embrace. I rested my head against his chest, the cotton of his shirt felt so cool against my warm cheek. I closed my eyes, trying to forget about Jeremy. Being in Jordan's arms felt so good, so right.
"Don't let him get to you," Jordan said to me, trying to soothe me. "You look great. He's just being stupid." We stood there wrapped in each other's embrace, not wanting to let go. "Why do you put up with him anyway?" he asked.
"I don't know," I answered him, still holding him tightly, gripping the hard muscles in his back.
"You could do so much better," he said as he gently stroked my hair. He rested his head on mine, breathing in the scent of my hair. "Your hair smells so good."
"Thanks," I said and smiled. I moved my head to look up at him. His gentle eyes looked lovingly into mine. We continued to hold each other while our eyes were locked in a steady gaze for what seemed like an eternity. What was happening? Was our silly, little crush turning into something more? I stared intently into his eyes, questioning him. Without saying a word, Jordan answered me loud and clear.
I could see the passion and fire in his eyes as he gazed at me longingly. How long had he felt this way? Startled by his silent revelation, I struggled for something to say. Someway of letting him know I was longing for him too. Before I could respond, I heard a familiar voice. "I knew it!" yelled Ellen. Jordan and I both turned to see Ellen standing there with her hands on her hips, glaring at us. We immediately broke free from our embrace.
"Ellen," I stammered.
"You conniving little bitch!" she spat. "All this time you pretend to be his friend, you were just trying to steal him away from me."
"Ellen, stop it!" Jordan yelled. "Don't talk about Sela like that. It's not what you think. Sela and Jeremy just got into a fight, and I was just trying to comfort her. That's all, nothing more."
As I heard those words, I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Is that all this had been? Was it just Jordan trying to console me? I thought I had read something more than that in his eyes. How could I have been so wrong?
"Don't give me that!" she yelled back. "I saw you two together. You two have been seeing each other on the side, haven't you?"
"Damn it, Ellen! How many times do I have to tell you this? No, we have not been doing anything! We are just friends! Now stop it with this immature, childish behavior! You are so suspicious and jealous. I can't stand it anymore!"
I stood there feeling helpless as I was caught in the middle of their battle. I felt horrible, as if I was to blame for all of this. I had to do something to make things better between them. Even though I felt Jordan deserved better than Ellen, I didn't want to be the reason why they finally split up. Jordan would just resent me and it would ruin our friendship.
"Look, Ellen, I'm very sorry. There is nothing going on between us. We are friends, just like Jordan said. You know that I love Jeremy," I said to her. I glanced over at Jordan for support. I could see a twinge of pain in his eyes. Was it because of me or because of Ellen? Or was I just reading him wrong again? He turned his eyes away from me and back to Ellen.
"She's right. Ellen, I'm tired of fighting with you over this. Can we just drop it? Sela and I are just friends."
Ellen shook her head and then looked down at the ground. After a long silence, Ellen finally piped in. "I have to go," she said as she looked up at Jordan. "I'll call you later."
"Hey, let me walk you out to your car," he said as he walked over to her and put his arm around her shoulder. Then he turned his head towards me. "Sela, I'll be right back. Okay?"
"Yeah, that's fine" I said. I felt like my heart was being ripped out as I watched the two of them walk away together.
I sat down on the grass behind the shed, waiting for Jordan to return. I could hear everyone at the barbecue laughing and having a good time, as I sat there drowning in my sorrows. I began to sob silently as the trials of the day overwhelmed me. I thought of how Jeremy belittled me in front of everyone. How I went from thinking Jordan and I were just friends, to thinking that we were becoming more. Then, only to have that dream shattered with a few choice words. He had broken my heart without even realizing it. I was crazy to think that we could ever have any kind of relationship.
Jordan and Ellen had been together for four years. Although their relationship was rocky and they had broken up many times before, they always got back together. Despite the terrible way she treated him, he seemed to really love her. Things had been the same way between Jeremy and me. We had been together for three years and had more than our fair share of problems. We too had broken up several times, but for some crazy reason we kept taking each other back. I guess it was love, although I wasn't really sure. I had always thought that love was something more than that, something wonderful and magical. Not just two people fighting all the time and taking each other back.
There were many times over the course of our friendship when I thought of what a relationship with Jordan would be like. We were such good friends and had so much in common that becoming lovers seemed like a such a natural thing. I thought that we could have a wonderful relationship together. But then I would remember of how things were in our existing relationships, and I came to the sad conclusion that we would end up the same way. It wasn't worth risking our friendship over.
I could hear footsteps coming towards me. I quickly dried my tears and composed myself, pushing the thoughts of Jeremy and Jordan out of mind.
"Sela? Are you still back here?" I could hear Jordan ask.
"Yes, Jordan," I called out to him.
He rounded the corner of the tool shed and looked down at me sitting on the grass. "I think you need to come out here," he said and motioned me with his hand.
I stood up and walked over to him. He began to walk back out to the party and I followed after him. I could see Jeremy and his drunken friends walking around, making fools out of themselves. Jeremy was standing next to the pool, disrobing.
"Come on, let's all go skinny dipping!" he yelled out as his friends sat by laughing at his antics.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Why did he have to always do this? I ran over to him and grabbed his arm, trying to stop him. "Jeremy!" I yelled. "Knock it off!"
"Hey, babe," he slurred. "Where have you been? Are you still mad at me because of that fat comment?" he asked as his body wobbled.
"Look, let's just go home," I said.
"No," he responded. "I'm not ready to go home. I'm gonna get naked!" he yelled as he proceeded to take off his pants.
"Jeremy, damn it! Stop it!" yelled Jordan. He had run over and tried to help me with my intoxicated boyfriend.
"Hey man! Don't start with me! I'll kick your ass!" he yelled.
Jordan shook his head and laughed as the drunken Jeremy put up his fists and wobbled from side to side. "Yeah, right" said Jordan. "You are going home. I don't want you here ruining my party." Jordan motioned with his hand to some of his friends sitting on the other side of the pool. "Hey, fellas! Help me out." The two guys ran over and grabbed Jeremy. They picked him up and carried him out to the street. I ran up ahead of them and unlocked the car. They placed Jeremy in the back seat and put his seat belt on him. I walked around and jumped in the driver's seat. "You gonna be all right?" asked Jordan as I started up the car.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I've handled him like this before," I answered.
"Well, all right" said Jordan hesitantly. "Give me a call later tonight, okay?"
"Okay, I'll call you."
"And if he gives you any trouble, just call me."
"Okay, okay. I'll be fine. Don't worry," I said to him and smiled. Jordan leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. The feeling of his soft lips against my skin sent chills throughout my body. He shut the door and gave me a worried look. I gave him an "everything is going to be fine" look as I pulled the car away from the curb and drove off. Jordan continued to stand there, staring after me.
"So, where the hell did you run off to?" asked Jeremy.
"What are you talking about?" I asked him as I tried to pay attention to the road.
"During the party you took off. I couldn't find you anywhere. You or Jordan. What'd you do, run off and fuck him?!" spat Jeremy.
"What!? How dare you say that! You know I wouldn't do anything like that. Besides, what was I supposed to do, sit there while you continued to belittle me in front of everyone?!" I yelled at him.
"Oh, stop it! You know I was just joking around."
"Really?! Well, it wasn't funny!" I said to Jeremy. "Why do you always do this?"
"Do what?"
"Get drunk. We can't go anywhere without you getting drunk and making an ass out of yourself. Do you know how embarrassing it is?" I asked him.
"Me, embarrass you? Look who's talking," he said to me as he folded his arms across his chest and looked out the window.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, don't you think it embarrasses me when my girlfriend flirts with another guy right in front of me?"
"I wasn't flirting with anyone" I responded defensively.
"The hell you weren't. You and Jordan are always flirting with each other. What is it with you two anyway?"
"We are just friends and you know it," I said back at him.
"Bull," said Jeremy. "I see the way you two look at each other and so does everyone else. While you were doing your disappearing act, I had a talk with Ellen. She feels the same way. I guess her and Jordan have been fighting about it a lot lately."
"Why the hell would Ellen tell you that?" I asked him. "She barely knows you."
"Because she thinks he's screwing around with you and she wanted to ask me about it. She wanted to see if I thought the same thing, and frankly I do."
"Really?" I asked him. "You think I'm sleeping with Jordan? Do you think if I was sleeping with Jordan that I would bring you around him all the time?" Jeremy sat there, speechless, trying to think of a response. "There is nothing going on with Jordan. Nothing!"
"Whatever," said Jeremy. The two of us sat in silence the rest of the way home. What a day this had been.
When we arrived home, Jeremy lied down on the leather sofa and passed out. I headed upstairs to shower and get ready for bed. I just wanted this day to be over with.
I went in the bathroom and turned on the hot water in the shower. I took off my sundress, bra and panties and threw them in the hamper. I stuck my hand in the shower to test the water. It felt like the right temperature so I climbed in. The hot, piercing water felt good against my skin and tired muscles. I stood there, letting the water roll down my body as thoughts of Jordan filled my mind. The way he looked at me today, I couldn't have misread that. I knew him too well to misjudge him like that. Why couldn't he tell me? What was he so afraid of? What was I so afraid of?
I tried to block the thoughts from my mind and just relax, but I couldn't. I remembered how hurt I felt seeing Jordan and Ellen together. I had never felt that way before. Sure, I may have been a little jealous, but not heartbroken like I was today. And what had Jeremy said? That Ellen and Jordan were fighting over our friendship. Why? Was our secret passion for one another become more obvious? I felt so confused and uncertain. My head began to pound. All this contemplating was giving me a headache. I rubbed my forehead with the palms of my hands and then turned off the water in the shower. I got out and toweled off, then put on my white terrycloth robe. I walked over to my bed and lied down on the soft, green comforter. I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew I heard the phone ringing. I reached over to where the phone was sitting on the nightstand and answered it.
"Hello," I said in a groggy voice.
"Sela? It's me, Jordan," he said in his low, sexy voice.
"Oh, Jordan. Hi" I responded as I pulled myself up on the bed.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" he asked.
"Oh, yeah. But don't worry about it. What's up?"
"I just wanted to check on you and make sure you made it home. Jeremy was pretty tanked when you left here. I just wanted to make sure he didn't pull anything else."
"No," I answered. "He didn't do anything. We got into a little argument in the car, but then we came home and he passed out on the sofa. I just took a shower and when I was done I laid down on the bed. I guess I dozed off."
Jordan was silent for a moment as he registered what I had just told him. "Shower, huh? That's a nice thought. So, are you laying there naked?" he teased.
"Jordan! You are so bad!" I said as I giggled.
"I'm just playing," he said and laughed.
"Hey, is everything okay with you and Ellen?" I asked.
"Um, yeah," he responded hesitantly.
"Jordan, come on. Be honest with me. Jeremy told me about it."
"What? Jeremy told you what?"
"It seems that Ellen had a talk with Jeremy during the barbecue. She told him that you and her have been fighting about our friendship. She seems to think that you and I are fooling around."
Jordan paused for a moment and then let out a deep sigh. "Yeah, she does. We have been fighting about it a lot. I don't know why she thinks that. You and I are just friends, right?" he asked.
I paused, trying to think of what to say. Were we just friends? Well, of course we were. But, is that what we both wanted?
"Yeah," I answered him. "We're just good friends."
"Right. Just good friends," he replied. I could sense the uncertainty in his voice.
"Jordan?"
"Yeah, Sela."
"What's going on here?" I asked him, barely able to get the words out. I could feel my stomach tighten into knots as I waited for his answer. Did he even know what I meant?
"I don't know," he answered. He did know what I meant. He was feeling just as confused as I was.
"You know, lately…" he began, but then paused. "I've been thinking about you a lot lately. About how good we are together, and I can't help but wonder what it would be like."
"Yeah, me too," I replied. We both sat there on the phone in silence, trying to think of what to say next. Jordan finally broke the silence.
"But, you have Jeremy. And, and," he stammered, trying to get the words out. "And you really love him. Otherwise, why would you put up with him, right?"
"Right," I said, my heart aching as the words came out of my mouth. Why was I lying to Jordan like this? He was my best friend. "And you have Ellen. The two of you love each other."
"Yeah," he answered. We both became silent again after that, not knowing what to say. Why were we lying to each other like this? Why were we lying to ourselves?
"Well, I'm gonna go to bed," I said. "I guess I'll see you in the morning at the gym?"
"Yeah, I'll see you there. Seven o'clock, right?"
"Right," I answered.
"Oh, and we're going to brunch with everyone afterwards."
"Yeah, I remember," I said. "Good night, Jordan."
"Good night, Sela," he said. "Sweet dreams."
I hung up the phone and pulled the covers back from the bed. I tried to fall back asleep as thoughts of Jordan filled my mind again. Why couldn't I just tell him? I wanted to tell him that I was falling in love with him, and that I would leave Jeremy in a heartbeat if he gave me the go ahead. But, I just couldn't. I was too afraid of his response, of his possible rejection. I rolled over onto my side and pulled the comforter over my head. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and tried to block Jordan out of my mind.
The alarm clock rang loudly at 6:30 in the morning. I groaned as I reached over to turn it off. I climbed slowly out of bed and walked over to my dresser. I opened the bottom drawer that contained my workout clothes. I grabbed a pair of gray shorts, a white tank top, and a black sweatshirt. I put the clothes on quickly and then pulled my long hair up into a ponytail. I headed over to the closet, pulled out my duffle bag, and put in a change of clothes for after the gym. Then I walked back over to the bed and pulled my sneakers out from underneath. I put them on and then headed downstairs.
Jeremy was still passed out on the sofa, snoring loudly. I decided to let him sleep and went outside. My car, a black Volkswagen Bug, was parked in the driveway. I walked over to it, opened the door, and got in. I turned the key in the ignition and started it up. The engine purred quietly as I fooled around with the radio, looking for something to listen to. Finally deciding on a station, I put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway, heading off to the gym.
The gym was only ten minutes from my house. When I pulled into the parking lot, I could see Jordan standing at the front door waiting for me. I looked at the clock in my car and it read 6:55. Jordan was early for a change. He waved when he saw me pull up and I waved back. He looked so cute in his black Adidas pants and white T-shirt with his hair all messed up. I parked the car and walked up to the front door to meet Jordan.
"Good morning!" I yelled out.
"Yeah, yeah," groaned Jordan. He wasn't much of a morning person.
"You are such a grouch in the morning," I teased.
"Hey, you know that this is the time I normally go to sleep," he said to me. "If it weren't for your recent health craze I would still be sleeping soundly in my bed."
The thought of Jordan in bed put a smile on my face. He saw my smile and figured out just what I was smiling about.
"Oh, you talk about me being bad. Look at you, grinning because I'm talking about being in bed," he teased. "You have such a dirty little mind."
I smiled even bigger and began to giggle. "What?!" I said to him. "You think I'm having dirty thoughts about you? Please."
Jordan reached over and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me close to him. "Come on, you know you want some of this," he said to me smiling broadly. Then he began to sing the lines of his song "Give It To You".
I started laughing even harder, unable to get a word out. "Stop," I managed to say in the midst of my laughter. "You are so silly! Gosh, no wonder people think we're fooling around."
"Hey, I'm just playing with you," he said still holding me around the waist. He gazed into my eyes, just like he had the day before. My laughter ceased as I returned his gaze. He licked his lips as his eyes lowered down to my mouth, looking at my lips hungrily.
I pulled away from him and turned to the door. "Maybe we should go in and workout," I said. I couldn't let what happened yesterday happen again. I couldn't allow him to keep playing with my emotions.
"Yeah, let's go," he said and walked behind me into the gym.
After our workout we headed to the locker rooms to shower and changed. When I was finished, I walked back to the front of the gym and waited for Jordan. It was Sunday, and we always met our friends for brunch after our morning workout. I had changed into a short black skirt, black tank tops, and a pair of sandals. I liked the way the color black looked against my summer tan. I spotted Jordan walking across the gym towards me. He had changed into a pair of light colored jeans and a tight fitting black shirt that showed off his muscles. He hadn't bothered to shave, and there was dark stubble along his jaw and mouth. When he noticed me, he began to look me up and down and then gave me a big smile.
"Girl, you look good," he said to me as he walked up to where I was standing.
I smiled and felt my face turn hot, slightly embarrassed by his remark. "Thanks," I said as I looked him over. "Not looking too bad yourself." The two of us continued to stand there, smiling and looking each other over. The physical attraction between us was becoming so strong, I didn't know how much longer I would be able to resist.
"Um, we should get going," he piped in. "We're supposed to meet them there in 10 minutes. I don't have my car, Ellen dropped me off this morning. Can I hitch a ride with you?"
"Of course," I said. "Let's go."
We walked out to the parking lot and got into my VW Bug. We headed towards Aunt Mary's, the restaurant we always went to for Sunday Brunch.
"Oh, I've been meaning to ask you something," said Jordan as I drove down the street.
"Really, what?" I asked him.
"For your birthday next week, we were all wanting to do something special for you. So, Jill called your aunt and she came up with the idea of having a party at the La Valencia Hotel. What do you think?" he asked.
"The La Valencia? Wow! That sounds great!" I exclaimed.
"Okay, it'll be next Friday at 7:00. They're going to have drinks, dinner and your aunt hired a DJ, so it should be lots of fun."
"Yeah, it sounds great! I can hardly wait!" I said excitedly. I hadn't really expected anything for my birthday. Maybe just going out with Jeremy or my friends, but nothing like this.
We pulled up to Aunt Mary's and went inside to meet our friends. I spotted our friend, Peter, siting at one of the tables in the back.
"There's Peter," I pointed out to Jordan. We walked over to the table and sat down.
"Hey guys!" exclaimed Peter. "Looks like it's just the three of us so far. Did you two work out this morning?"
"Yeah, we did," I said to him and then looked over at Jordan. He was sitting there smiling at me flirtatiously. I just smiled at him and turned my attention back to Peter. Peter gave me a look and shook his head. He was well aware of the attraction between Jordan and me.
"So, how was the barbecue yesterday. Sorry I couldn't make it," said Peter. Jordan and I both looked at each other and chuckled.
"Oh, it was terrible," said Jordan. "I fought with Ellen, Sela fought with Jeremy, Ellen fought with Sela, I fought with Ellen again, and then Jeremy got drunk and made a fool out of himself. I think that about covers it."
Peter began to laugh. "Oh my god," he said. "sounds like a soap opera. Too bad I missed all the action. What were you all fighting about?"
Jordan and I looked at each other, trying to decide which one of was going to be the one to explain. I decided to take a shot at it. "Well, Jeremy and Ellen seem to think that Jordan and I are having an affair."
"Oh, I wonder why?" said Peter.
Jordan and I laughed and looked at Peter. "What do you mean by that? You know there's nothing go on between us," I said to him.
"Well, not yet anyway," said Peter. "Come on, everyone knows you two are hot for each other. Why don't you two just go get busy and get it out of your systems."
Embarrassed by his remark, my face turned bright red as we all began to laugh.
"Hello!" yelled Jill across the restaurant as she and Toby walked towards us. Jill, my best friend, was a very attractive girl. She was medium height, with curly brown hair and dark brown eyes. She was wearing tight, blue jeans and a white shirt. Toby, my other friend, was short with red hair and green eyes. She was dressed in a denim shirt and white shorts. Jill and Toby sat down on either side of me. "So, what are you all laughing about?" she asked.
"Oh, nothing," I said and shook my head, smiling at her.
"We were just talking about how Sela and Jordan should do the dirty deed," chimed in Peter. The entire table roared with laughter as Jordan and I sat there, embarrassed. He looked at me and gave me a shy smile. I smiled back and then turned my attention to the menu. As I glanced over the menu, I could still feel his eyes on me. I looked up and noticed Jordan was still staring at me, smiling. When our eyes met, he winked at me. I smiled at him again and then looked back down at the menu.
The waitress came and took our orders. As we ate, we discussed the happenings at yesterday's barbecue. Everyone laughed as we described Jeremy's drunken striptease. We also talked about next week's party for my birthday. After we finished with eating, Toby tugged at my arm and whispered in my ear, "Come here, I need to talk to you."
I got up and followed her into the women's bathroom, with Jill in tow. Once inside the bathroom, the two girls burst into laughter.
"What?!" I asked them, trying to figure out what was so funny.
"What the hell is going on with you two?" asked Toby. "You guys were undressing each other with your eyes all through brunch."
"Nothing, we're just friends. But, you know how we always flirt with each other," I answered.
"Oh, come on now. You can tell us. Are you two having a secret affair?" asked Jill. We all began to laugh again.
"Yeah, are you and Jordan doing the mattress mambo?" asked Toby.
"Stop it!", I said in between giggles. "You two are terrible! Nothing is going on. Now you know if something was happening you two would be the first ones I told."
"All right, all right. But, when it finally does happen you better tell us," said Jill.
"What do you mean, when it finally happens?" I asked her.
"Oh, come on Sela. Everyone can see how bad you two want each other," said Jill.
"Yeah, I was waiting for you two to clear the table and start going at it right in the restaurant," said Toby.
"I don't know how you can stand it," said Jill. "The way he looks at you, with that hunger and burning desire in his eyes.
I began to laugh even harder, my sides aching. "No, he doesn't," I said to them.
"Oh yes he does!" exclaimed Toby. "Everyone can see it. I don't know why you can't."
"I don't know how you've been able to resist him for so long. If he looked at me that way I would've jumped his bones a long time ago!" Jill said excitedly. The three of us continued to laugh hysterically, until an older woman walked in and looked strangely at all of us.
"Shhhhh," I said to them as I held up a finger to my lips. "You two are so bad! There is nothing going on with Jordan and me. Besides, I have Jeremy."
Toby and Jill rolled their eyes. "Sela," groaned Toby. "You need to dump Jeremy. You can do so much better than him."
"Yeah, like Jordan," said Jill.
I sighed and shook my head. "I can't say I haven't thought about it."
"Well, you should start thinking about it a lot more. You and Jordan would be so perfect together. You need to dump Jeremy and Jordan needs to dump Ellen. The two of you belong together. Can't you see that?" Toby asked.
I stood there, speechless, trying to figure out what to say. They were both right, and I knew it. It just wasn't that easy. Jeremy and I had so much history together. I had tried to breakup with him in the past, but it was so hard to let go.
"We should go back out there, before they wonder what happened to us," I said to Toby and Jill. We all walked out of the restroom and headed over to the table where Peter and Jordan were sitting.
Jordan and Peter were sitting there talking and smiling. When they saw us approaching, the two suddenly became silent. They looked up at us, smiling innocently. I shot them both a look and asked, "All right, what's going on?"
"Oh, nothing," said Jordan as he shook his head and looked over at Peter.
"Nothing, nothing," Peter replied as the two of them began to laugh again. I rolled my eyes at them and sat down.
"So, how much damage did we do?" asked Toby as she took her seat. "Did you two figure out the check yet?"
"Don't worry about it," said Jordan. "I took care of it."
"Oh, that's so sweet of you! Thank you Jordan!" said Jill.
We all said thank you to Jordan and chatted for a little longer. "Oh, look at the time," said Peter as he looked down at his watch. "I have to get going. I'll see all of you on Friday night." Peter got up and walked out of the restaurant as we all said good-bye to him.
"Yeah, we should get going too," Toby said as she picked up her purse. Her and Jill stood up and headed towards the front door with Jordan and I following behind. Out in the parking lot we all said good-bye to each other. Jordan and I hopped in my car and drove off.
As I pulled out of the parking lot Jordan turned to me and said, "You know, it's not a bad idea."
"What?" I asked him, uncertain of what he meant.
"What everyone was talking about in the restaurant. About you and I, you know, getting busy."
Shocked by his remark, I turned my head to him, wide-eyed and asked, "Are you serious?!"
"Yeah, kind of," he said hesitantly. "I don't mean we should go and have sex right now, but it is a nice thought. Haven't you ever thought about it?"
I saw the light turn red ahead of me. I put my foot on the brake slowly bringing the car to a stop. I turned my head over to where he was sitting in the passenger's seat. As I stared at him, he reached out and grabbed my hand, holding it in his. He moved his face closer to mine and looked deeply into my eyes. With just one look, I could tell he was serious.
"BEEP! BEEP!" blared the horn of the car behind me. Startled by the noise, we both jumped. I turned my head and noticed the red light had turned green. I turned back around in my seat and grabbed onto the steering wheel as I put my foot on the accelerator.
We sat in silence, trying to think of what to say each other. I felt sad and disappointed. This type of thing always happened. Whenever we would get close, we would be interrupted somehow.
"Pull over," said Jordan, finally. "Pull over in that parking lot up there." He pointed ahead to the parking lot at the grocery store. I pulled my car into the lot and parked it. I shut off the engine and turned around in my seat to face him. Suddenly, Jordan reached over and grabbed my face, pulling me towards him. His lips met mine in a fiery, passionate kiss. At first I was startled by his suddenness, but then I felt myself melting into him. Our lips locked together as our tongues intertwined. We continued kissing, letting our bottled up passion and desire for one another take control.
"Oh, Sela," he whispered as his lips gently let go of mine. "You don't know how long I have been wanting to do that."
"And you don't know how long I've been wanting you to do that," I whispered back, as I tried to catch my breath. We wrapped our arms around each other, holding on tightly, like we never wanted to let go.
"You should be mine," he whispered, as he rubbed his cheek against my hair. "Why are you still with him?"
My heart sank as the thought of Jeremy came to my mind. We couldn't do this. This was wrong. We were both still involved with other people. I broke free from his embrace, and turned around. As I looked out the window, I replied, "The same reason you're still with her."
Jordan let out a sigh as he contemplated what I had told him. He knew what I meant. We stayed in our relationships out of comfort and habit. Plus, we were both too scared of what we didn't know. I turned my head to look at him. He sat there scratching his head. "I know, I know," he said and let out another deep sigh. "Why can't we just break free?"
"Do you want to?" I asked him, fearing his response. He looked at me, and I could see the faint glisten of tears in his eyes.
"Yes and no," he answered. "All I can think about lately is you. No matter what I do, you're on my mind. Even at night when I sleep, you're the one I see in my dreams. And, that's not fair to Ellen. She deserves someone who is honest with her, and that is one thing I haven't been lately. Yesterday, when I told her that there was nothing going on between us, that was a flat out lie," he paused and then continued. "My feelings for you and my desire to be with you are growing stronger everyday. But, I still have feelings for Ellen too. I mean, we've been together for four years and it's not that easy to let go."
"Yeah, I feel the same way," my voice shaking as I answered him. "Things between Jeremy and I are not bliss, but I just can't let go. I don't know why." As I spoke, my eyes began to well up with tears. "I feel so torn. I just don't know what to do."
Jordan reached his hand over and wiped the tears that were rolling down my face. "Why don't we take some time, some time to decide. What do you say?" he asked.
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," I said as I composed myself.
"So, when should we let each other know about our decisions?" he asked me.
"I don't know. I guess whenever we both come to a decision."
"Okay, let's just take all the time that we need."
"Okay," I said as I started up the car. I backed out of the parking space and headed out to the street.
I arrived at Jordan's house a few minutes later. As he got out of the car he turned to me and said, "Remember, take all the time that you need." I nodded my head in response as he reached over and touched my cheek again. "I'll talk to you later. Bye!"
"Bye!" I said as he walked towards the house. I began to cry again as I drove home.
I opened my front door and stepped inside the house. On the table in the entrance hall sat a bouquet of red roses in a tall vase. I opened the card attached to the roses and it read, "Sorry for acting like a jerk. Please forgive me. Love, Jeremy." I closed my eyes and sighed as I put the card back in the envelope. This was not going to be an easy decision. Even though Jeremy and I always fought, he had a great way of making it up to me.
"Jeremy?!" I called out.
"Yeah, I'm up in the bedroom," he responded. I climbed the staircase and walked into my room. There were lit candles all over the room and soft music was playing on the CD player. Jeremy was laying across the bed, and he smiled at me as I walked into the room.
"What's all of this?" I asked him as I set my bag down on the chair. Jeremy stood up and walked over to me.
"This is my way of making up for last night," he said as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the lips. I stood there, eyes wide open, feeling no emotions as Jeremy kissed me. He led me over to the bed and laid me down. He got on top of me and pinned my arms down. I laid there motionless as he worked his lips down my body. I tried to get in the mood to please Jeremy, but just couldn't. All I could think about was Jordan. I closed my eyes and tried to block him from my mind. Unable to do so, I finally spoke.
"Jeremy, stop," I said to him. "I can't do this."
He looked up at me, his hands still pinning my arms down. "What?!" he asked. "What do you mean?"
"I just can't do this right now. I'm not in the mood," I said as I broke free from his grasp and sat up on the bed. I leaned over, holding my head in my hands.
"What the hell is going on? What do you mean you're not in the mood? You're always in the mood," he stated angrily.
"Jeremy, I just don't feel like it, all right?!" I yelled at him.
"Oh, I get it," he said. "This is because of Jordan, isn't it?"
"No, it's not," I lied to him. "Everything is not because of Jordan. I just don't feel like it. You know, you really pissed me off yesterday."
"Look, I'm sorry!" he yelled. "I was drunk. I didn't mean it. Can't you see I'm trying to make it up to you?!"
"That's exactly it. You're always drunk. I never know what to expect from you. You and I can't go anywhere together. Every time we go out, I'm worried the entire time that you are gonna get smashed again and make a fool out of yourself. I'm so sick of it Jeremy!" I yelled back at him. I didn't want to do this right now. My mind was so mixed up over Jordan and the last thing I needed was to fight with Jeremy.
"I'm sorry! It won't happen again. Please, forgive me," he pleaded as he wrapped his arms around me again and began to kiss the back of my neck. I shook free from his embrace and stood up. I began to pace around the room, biting my nails.
"What's your problem now?" he asked sarcastically.
"I just don't want to do this right now, that's all," I said to him.
He sat on the bed staring at me. He shook his head and said "This isn't about me getting drunk. You've never gotten mad like this before. I was right, this is because of Jordan." He then stood up and walked over to the bedroom door.
"Where are you going?" I asked him.
"I'm going to go have a talk with Jordan," he replied as he headed out into the hallway.
"Jeremy!" I yelled after him. "Don't go talk to Jordan. He has absolutely nothing to do with this. This is between me and you, don't go dragging Jordan into this."
"Don't give me that crap!" he spat back at me. "You must think I'm a fool. You think you can play me like that?!" he yelled as he grabbed me by the arms, his nails digging deeply into my flesh, and shook me violently.
"Stop it! You're hurting me!" I yelled back at him as I began to sob.
"Good!" he yelled. "You deserve it you bitch!" With that he thrust my body into the wall, knocking the picture that hung there onto my head. I reached up and touched my head where the picture had fallen. As my body throbbed in pain, I sunk down on the floor and began to cry hysterically. Jeremy walked over to where I was slumped up against the wall and grabbed me again. He lifted me up and glared into my eyes. "How long has this been going on?!" he asked. "How long have you been cheating on me with him?!"
"I haven't been cheating," I managed to say in between sobs. "We're, just, just good friends."
"You liar!" he screamed and threw me down again. He stood there towering over me. As I lay there crying, somewhere deep inside of me I found the strength to confront him.
"Get out," I uttered. "Just get the hell out!"
"No," he responded defiantly.
I stood up and lunged at him with my fists, punching him square in the jaw. Stunned, Jeremy stood there, unable to speak. As I rubbed my aching hand, I yelled at him again, "Get the hell out of here! I don't ever want to see you again!" I turned and ran to my bedroom. I picked up the phone on the nightstand and dialed 911. "I'm calling the police!" I yelled out to him. Jeremy walked into the room and glared at me. His eyes were so full of hate. I had never seen him like that before.
"Don't bother," he said. "I'm leaving. You're not worth it! You slut!" he yelled and stormed out of my room. I heard his footsteps running down the stairs. He opened the front door and slammed it shut behind him, the entire house shaking.
I hung up the phone and laid down on my bed. I buried my head in my pillow and cried uncontrollably. I cried because of the physical pain my body felt, for the pain in my aching heart, and because I was terrified of what the future held for me.
I stood in front of my mirror as I applied my make-up. It was Friday night, and I was getting ready for my birthday party. A couple days had passed since my fight and breakup with Jeremy. I hadn't seen or spoken to him since. I had no idea where he had gone off to. I had paged him several times to tell him to come by and pick up his belongings from my house, but he never called. I also had not spoken to Jordan. I thought I should give him time to think things over. I didn't want to rush him. He had no idea of what had happened between Jeremy and me. I hadn't told anyone yet, not even Toby or Jill.
After I finished applying my make-up, I walked over to my closet and tried to decide what to wear. I noticed a black dress hanging in the back of the closet. The dress was cut straight and fell down just above the knee. It was sleeveless with a scoop neck. What had really sold me on the dress was the back of it. It was completely backless, showing nothing but skin. I thought it was incredibly sexy so, I bought it, but never had any occasion to wear it. I decided that tonight would be the night. I pulled it off the hanger and slipped it on. The black, slinky fabric felt good against my skin. I walked back over to the mirror and stood in front of it, staring at myself. I decided that I should wear my hair up to show off the back of the dress. I grabbed some bobby pins from my dresser drawer and pulled my long hair up into a French twist, letting a few strands fall down on my neck and forehead, softly framing my face.
I did a once over in the mirror, making sure I looked perfect. Tonight I absolutely had to look perfect. Because not only was tonight my big birthday celebration, but it was also the night that I was going to tell Jordan that I was in love with him. As thoughts of Jordan filled my mind, I could feel butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I was so excited, yet so nervous. I couldn't wait to get to the party and see my Jordan. I shut my eyes tightly and made a wish that Jordan had come to the same decision as me. After all, it was my birthday and you are allowed one birthday wish. If Jordan didn't feel the same way as me, I had no idea what I would do.
I walked over and grabbed my purse that was lying on the bed. As I walked out of my bedroom and headed down the stairs, I took a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. How was I going to tell him? What was I going to say? "Don't worry about it," I said to myself. "Everything is going to be fine." I opened the front door and walked over to my car. As I drove off to the party, I began to think of Jordan again. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. I had fallen for him hard. But, then again, who wouldn't? He was so sweet and charming, not to mention incredibly gorgeous and sexy. Most importantly though, he was my best friend. I could really talk to him and tell him anything, something I never had with Jeremy. This time was going go be different, this time it was going to be better. Better than it had ever been before.
I pulled up in front of the La Valencia Hotel where a valet was waiting for me. I stepped out of the car and handed him my keys. I walked through the lobby of the hotel and up to the front desk.
"Hello," I said to the clerk. "My name is Sela and my friends are having a birthday party here for me."
"Oh, yes," said the clerk. "Just go down that hallway and it's in the room at the end of the hall," he said as he pointed to where I needed to go.
"Thank you," I said to him and headed in the appropriate direction. As I walked down the hallway I could hear voices and music playing loudly. I walked into the lavishly decorated room and saw all of my friends and family standing around. My Aunt Jessica spotted me immediately.
"Look everyone, it's the birthday girl!" she yelled loudly to the crowd. Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at me. The DJ began to play "Happy Birthday" by Stevie Wonder as I scanned the crowd trying to locate Jordan. I didn't see him anywhere. My aunt ran over to me and gave me a big hug. "Happy birthday sweetie!"
"Thanks Aunt Jessica," I said to her. "Wow! This is great!"
"I'm glad you like it. Come on, let's go mingle," she said as she grabbed my arm and lead me out into the room. I continued to look around for Jordan. Where could he be? Suddenly, a handsome face caught my eye. Sitting at one of the tables in the back, wearing black pants and a white, button down shirt, was Jordan. His jaw dropped and his brown eyes stared hungrily after me as I walked through the room. My stomach began to flutter again as I stared back at him. A little smile spread across my face and I looked down at the ground, feeling a little embarrassed my his stare. I looked up, and I noticed that Jordan was sitting next to someone, but I couldn't see who it was because their head was turned. As I walked closer to where he was sitting, the person next to him turned their head. My heart sank and my stomach leapt up into my throat as I realized who he was sitting with. Ellen.
I began shaking and sweating all over, my pulse racing. Oh my god, he was with Ellen! Had he decided to stay with her? I didn't know what to do, what to say. I could feel my eyes tear up as he got out of his chair and walked towards me. I turned and headed in the opposite direction, not wanting to speak with him. My heart felt as if it had been shredded into a million little pieces. The thought of Jordan and Ellen together was unbearable. How could I have been so foolish as to believe that Jordan and I could ever be together?
I walked out onto the patio and looked up at the sky. The moon and stars looked so beautiful against the dark blue sky. I tried to hold back the tears and pull myself together. I couldn't let him upset me. This was my birthday and my friends had been so nice to throw this party for me. I had to enjoy it and have a good time. The night breeze felt chilly against my skin, so I folded my arms against my chest trying to keep warm.
"Sela," said Jordan as he walked out onto the patio.
I continued to stand there and look up at the sky. I didn't want to turn around and face him. I couldn't let him see how badly he had hurt me. After all, it wasn't his fault. I was the one who got my hopes up. Jordan walked up behind and placed his hands on my arms. "Aren't you cold?" he asked as he rubbed my arms.
"A little," I managed to say.
"You look incredible," he said in a low, husky voice. He leaned his face down and kissed the bare skin of my back, sending chills down my spine. He slowly inched his mouth upward to the back of my neck, gently sucking it with his lips as he wrapped his arms around my midsection. I closed my eyes and began to breathe heavily as his every kiss and caress drove me wild. He slid his hands down and underneath my dress. I gasped as he slipped his fingers beneath my silky panties, finding me hot and wet for him. He stroked me gently and nibbled on my earlobe with his teeth. "Oh, Sela," he whispered. "I want you."
The vision of him and Ellen slowly crept back into my thoughts. "Stop," I said to him and pulled away. I turned around to face him. He stood there looking at me, completely confused. "I saw you with Ellen."
"Sela, I, I," he stammered. "I want to be with you."
"So, then why did you come to the party with Ellen?" I asked.
"I just can't break up with her. It's not that easy. Besides, you're still with Jeremy," he said defensively.
"No, I'm not," I responded. Stunned, Jordan stood there staring at me, speechless. "We broke up on Sunday, after I returned home from brunch."
"What?!" asked Jordan, shocked by my revelation. "What happened?"
"We got into a huge argument," I said. "He lost his temper and threw me against a wall. So, I told him to get out."
"He did what!? Why didn't you tell me?!"
"I didn't want to worry you. Plus, I wanted to give you some space, some time to think things over and make a decision. I guess you have."
"No," he said, "I haven't. I really want to be with you, but I just can't suddenly leave Ellen. We've been together for too long. She deserves better than that."
I rolled my eyes at him and said, "Well, you are going to have to decide once and for all. That is what we agreed to. You can't have it both ways. So, when you've decided, let me know. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to my birthday party." I brushed past him as I headed back to the party inside.
I buried the pain and anguish I was feeling so I could enjoy my birthday. I walked around and socialized with all of my family and friends. I talked with Toby and Jill, but still didn't tell them about Jeremy because I knew it would only lead to a discussion about Jordan. After we ate dinner and the birthday cake, I opened all of my birthday gifts. My Aunt Jessica gave me a beautiful pair of diamond solitaire earrings. Toby and Jill went in together and purchased the leather jacket I had been eyeing.
After I finished opening all of my gifts, I joined my friends on the dance floor. I danced and drank throughout the rest of the night, completely forgetting about my screwed up love life. Around two o'clock in the morning, most of the room had cleared and I decided that it was time to call it a night. I said goodnight to everyone that was remaining and decided to call a cab, not feeling sober enough to drive home.
The yellow cab parked in front of my house and I pulled out my wallet to pay the fare. As I walked up the path towards my front door, I noticed the light on in the living room. Funny, I didn't remember leaving any lights on. When I approached the door, I stuck my key in the lock and turned it, unlocking the door. I stepped inside and turned my head in the direction of the living room. There, sitting on the sofa, was Jeremy.
"Oh god Jeremy," I said to him as I shut the front door behind me. I knew I should have changed the locks. "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked him.
"I just came to pick up my stuff," he said to me and stood up from the sofa.
"Fine. Get your stuff and leave. I don't even want to deal with you." I said to him as I walked up the stairs to my bedroom. I could hear him gathering his belongings downstairs as I changed into my pajamas. When I was finished changing my clothes, I grabbed all of his clothes out of the closet and threw them in a bag. I walked downstairs to give him his clothing, and also to make sure he wasn't taking any of my things.
I went into the kitchen where Jeremy was throwing items into a paper bag. I stood there, watching over him when I heard a knock on the front door. I looked at the clock on the microwave and it read 2:37 a.m. "Who could that be at this hour?" I asked aloud.
I walked to the front door and looked in the peephole. There, standing on my porch, was Jordan. Slowly, I opened the door wondering what he could be here for.
"Hi," I said to him.
"Hi. I did it," he said.
"Did what?" I asked.
"I did it. I broke up with Ellen," he stated, a little smile spreading across his face.
Stunned, all I could manage to say was, "Oh." Just then, Jeremy came from the kitchen, and stood behind me, looking to see who was at the door.
"Oh," said Jordan as he looked from me to Jeremy. "I see. I'm, I'm sorry to interrupt." Then he turned and walked away.
"Jordan!" I yelled after him. "Wait!" He didn't turn around though. He kept walking, his head down and his shoulders slumped over. I turned to Jeremy and said, " I think you need to leave."
"Fine," said Jeremy. "I got my stuff. It was nice knowing you." With that he walked out the door and out of my life forever.
As soon as Jeremy walked out the door, I ran out across the lawn and after Jordan. The clear sky had turned cloudy and little drops of rain landed on me as I chased after him. I had to catch him and let him know the truth. I could see him up ahead, walking towards his car. "Jordan!" I screamed out to him. "Jordan, wait! Don't go! Stop, please stop!" He turned around to face me. The rain began to pour down even harder on the both of us. I ran up to where he was standing.
"It's okay, Sela," he said as the water rainwater rolled down on his head. "I understand. I guess I was too late. I just don't understand how you could take him back."
"No, it's not what it seems," I said. "Jeremy just came to pick up his stuff. He was here when I returned from the party. I wouldn't take him back. You're the one that I love."
We stood there, staring at each other, both of us stunned by my proclamation. "Oh, baby," said Jordan as he reached out and grabbed me, pulling me closer to him. "I love you too." I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face down to mine, kissing him hard on the lips. Our wet bodies pressed against each other as our hands moved all over each other. We continued kissing, so overwhelmed by our passion that we completely ignored the rain that was pounding down upon us. This was what we had been waiting for and wanting for such a long time. He pulled his lips away from mine momentarily. "Oh Sela. It's always been you," he said before his lips met mine again and he brushed my wet hair off of my face. He then moved his mouth down to my neck, his tongue slowly licking off the cold rain water. I closed my eyes and rain my fingers through his soaking hair. I pulled his head back up and kissed him again.
"Don't you think we should go inside, and get out of this rain?" I asked him, my lips still brushing up against his.
He let out a little laugh and said, "Yeah, that would probably be a good idea." He reached down and grabbed me by the hand as we both ran towards the house.
Once inside, our pent up desire took full control. We began to quickly tear off each other's clothing, not able to get them off fast enough. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me upstairs to my bedroom. Jordan flung me down on the bed and began to devour my half-naked body with his mouth. I moaned in pleasure as his lips explored every inch of my body, kissing places that most men ignored. I gripped the tight muscles in his back as his kisses drove me over the edge.
"Jordan," I whispered to him. "I want you now. I want you inside of me." Jordan moved his head back up and gazed into my eyes. As his lips met mine once again, he entered me in one swift movement. I moaned in pleasure again as he slowly moved inside of me. Still gazing into my eyes he whispered, "I love you so much."
"I love you too," I whispered back.
"This is so incredible," he said as he moved his head down to kiss my neck. I ran my fingers through his thick hair, and closed my eyes feeling every bit of this moment. I had wanted this for so long, and it was more amazing than I had ever imagined. I could hardly believe that it was real, that it was happening. I felt tears of joy spring to my eyes. My hands moved down to Jordan's face, pulling his lips up to mine. I kissed him again, slowly tracing his lips with my tongue. He pulled away and looked at me. "It's never been like this before," he said. "I didn't know that it could feel this way."
"I know," I said in return, in a low murmur. "It's like we fit together perfectly." He stared lovingly into my eyes, and I could see that he was feeling all of the emotions that I was. His lips came down upon mine, kissing me with more intensity than before. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled his warm, naked body closer to mine as we continued to make love.
Rays of sunlight streamed through the bedroom and onto our faces in the midst of our lovemaking. I turned my head to look at the alarm clock on my nightstand. It read 9:48 a.m. Amazed by how long we had been having sex, I giggled and said to Jordan, "Honey, look what time it is." Jordan looked up at the clock and began to laugh too. "We've been going at it for hours."
"Guess I just couldn't get enough of you," he said before kissing me on the lips.
"Well, we did have to make up for all that lost time," I said, pulling my lips away from his. I reached up and placed a hand on his cheek, rubbing his scratchy stubble and looking into his eyes.
"Yeah, we sure do. I don't think we're finished yet. I think we still have lots more time to make-up for," he said lowering his mouth down to mine. I began to giggle even harder as I returned his kiss.
We spent the entire day in bed, talking, laughing, hugging, kissing and making love. It felt so good to be together that we just couldn't get enough. Sometime in the afternoon, both of us starving from our workout, we decided to order some Chinese take-out. When the delivery man arrived, Jordan ran downstairs to answer the door, with a sheet wrapped around him. He returned to my room with the Chinese food and we feed it to each other in bed. Later that night we finally drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, blissfully happy.
The next day was Sunday. Jordan and I did our usual morning gym routine. Afterwards we headed off to Aunt Mary's for our ritual Sunday brunch.
"So, what are we going to tell everyone?" asked Jordan, grinning from ear to ear.
"Oh my god. I have no idea. I didn't even think about that. I guess I've been too busy being happy," I said to him with a huge smile on my face. The two of us were so happy that neither one of us could stop smiling.
"Have I told you lately that I love you?" he asked, reaching over for my hand and kissing it with his lips.
"Um, not in the last hour," I teased.
"I haven't? Well, shame on me. I love you, Sela," he said, rubbing my hand and smiling at me.
"I love you too, honey," I said back to him, beaming.
We continued along the way to Aunt Mary's, kissing at every red light and stop sign. When we arrived, the two of us walked into the restaurant holding hands. Toby, Jill and Peter were already seated at a table. As we approached the table, they all looked at us and smiled.
"Aaahhh!" yelled Toby. "Does this mean what I think it means?"
Jordan and I looked at each other and laughed. "Yes, it does," responded Jordan.
They all began to scream and clap their hands. "That is so great!" yelled Jill. "You two look so cute together! I'm so happy for the both of you."
We sat down next to each other at the table. The three of them were full of questions and we answered all of their questions and filled in the blank spots for them. They were all so happy to finally see us together. "I knew you two would make a great couple," said Toby as she reached over and patted me on the back.
"Well, we are," I said.
"I'm gonna call you tonight to get all the nitty gritty details," said Jill, as we all burst out into laughter. We continued to talk and laugh all throughout brunch. Periodically I would glance over at Jordan and smile. It was so hard to believe that the two of us were finally together. It almost seemed too perfect.
The next few weeks whizzed past. Jordan and I spent every free moment we had together. This was definitely the best relationship either one of us had ever been in. I was so in love with him and so deliriously happy. It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was meeting Jordan in the park for a picnic. I sat on a wooden bench by the duck filled pond, waiting for him to arrive. In the distance, I could see Jordan walking towards me, his head down looking at the ground. "Jordan!" I called out to him and waved my arm. He looked up at me and waved back. As we got closer to where I was sitting, I stood up and raced over to him, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him passionately. "Hi, baby!" I said to him, as I pulled back to look at his face, my arms still wrapped around his neck.
Jordan had a solemn look on his face and his eyes were swollen and red. "What's wrong?" I asked, worried by his appearance. He turned his eyes away from mine, not wanting to look at me.
"Um, I, I" he stammered, trying to get the words out. "I have to talk with you." He pulled away from my embrace and sat down on the bench. I followed him over to the bench and sat down next to him.
"Jordan, what's going on?" I asked in a concerned filled voice.
Jordan looked down at his hands and responded, "Sela, you know how much I love you," he said. "But, I think we should stop seeing each other."
Floored by his statement, I sat there staring at him unable to speak or move. What had he just said? Stop seeing each other? What had happened? What had I done wrong? My heart sank and tears sprung to my eyes. I did not even try to hold them back. "What?" I finally managed to utter.
"Look, you have to understand that this is not what I want, but…." he trailed off.
"Not what you want?!" I yelled, unable to control the pain and anger I was feeling all at once. "Then why the hell are you doing it?!"
"Because, because," he stammered, his lips quivering and his eyes filling with tears.
"Because why?!" I yelled, sobbing hysterically. I couldn't understand what was happening. I couldn't make any sense out of this.
"It's Ellen," he said.
"Ellen?! What about her?!"
"Sela, Ellen is pregnant with my baby," Jordan said, as he began to cry.
"No!" I yelled to him. "No, no, no. This isn't true."
"Sela, yes it is. Why would Ellen lie to me?" he asked.
I began to cry even harder, the heartbreak I was feeling was absolutely unbearable. Jordan reached over and put his arms around me trying to comfort me. I wrapped my arms around him, and we sat there holding each other and crying.
"Oh god Jordan," I sobbed, burying my face in his chest. "Don't do this to us. We can still be together. I love you, and I'll love your baby too." I lifted my head up and looked into his tear filled eyes.
"Sela," he said. "I wish that could happen. But, it wouldn't be right. I have to be a responsible father."
"But, you can still be a responsible father and be with me. That's no reason why we shouldn't be together."
"Yes, but I wouldn't be able to be the father I want to be. I don't want to be one of those dads that only see their kids on weekends and holiday. Being a father is a full-time job."
"So, what are you saying?" I asked suspiciously.
Jordan pulled away from me and looked down at the ground again. "We're getting married. Ellen and I."
My jaw dropped and my breath became short paced as I sat there, trying to register what Jordan had just told me. My head began to swirl and my chest ached. "Oh god Jordan!" I yelled as I began to cry again. I put up my fists and began to punch him in the chest, the tears flowing like a river down my cheeks. I was so angry at him, at her, at their baby. How could this be happening? We were so happy together, so much in love. Why couldn't we be together?
Jordan grabbed my fists and tried to stop my pounding. "Sela," he said. "Sela! Stop it!" I looked up at him, my eyes blurry and full of tears. I could see in his face that he was feeling the same pain and agony as I. "I'm so sorry," he sobbed. "I'm so, so sorry. I love you so much. You know I would never do anything to hurt you. But, I have to do this."
I pulled away from him and stood up from the bench. I grabbed my purse from underneath the bench and took of running. I ran all through the park and out to the parking lot where my car was. I quickly unlocked the car and got inside. I laid my head down on the steering wheel as I cried and my whole body shook uncontrollably.
I drove around for hours, crying hysterically. I didn't know where to go or what to do. In one afternoon my happy world had come crashing down around me. I kept replaying in my mind what Jordan had said. Ellen was pregnant and they were getting married. How could this be? We loved each other and we were so wonderful together. How could he marry Ellen? What was I going to do? How was I going to go on with my life?
I pulled my car up in front of Toby's house. I walked up to her front door and rang the doorbell. Toby opened the door and stood there staring at my anguished face. "Sela?!" she gasped. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me. I began to sob even harder as I tried to explain what happened, but couldn't get the words out. "Come on, let's go inside," she said and lead me into the house.
Once inside, I sat down on the sofa and tried to stop crying long enough to explain. In between sobs I told her what had happened with Jordan.
"He's gonna marry her," I wept. "Oh god, what am I going to do?"
"Oh, Sela," said Toby sympathetically. "I don't know. I can't believe this is happening. You two were so perfect together. I'm so sorry!" I laid my head against her shoulder and she stroked my hair, trying to console me. "Just let it all out. Let all that pain and all those tears out. It's the only way you'll ever feel any better."
"No, I won't" I cried. "I'll never feel better. I feel so awful."
"Yes, you will," she said trying to soothe my pain. "Maybe not right away. But, someday you will. I guarantee it. It's going to take some time though. You'll start to feel a little better each day, and then one day you'll wake up and realize that it doesn't hurt anymore."
"I don't think I'll ever be able to forget him," I said.
"No, you never will forget him, and you shouldn't. You love him and he'll always be a part of your heart," she said and continued to stroke my hair. The two of us sat there and continued talking and crying the rest of the evening. "I think I need to make some changes," I said to Toby once I stopped crying. "Some changes in my life."
"Like what?" asked Toby.
"I don't know," I said. "I was thinking of moving, back to San Francisco. I don't think I'll be able to stay here. I'll just keep running into Jordan, and I probably won't be able to handle that. I don't think I could stand seeing him and Ellen with their baby."
"Oh, Sela," said Toby. "I know. I totally understand. I probably wouldn't be able to handle it either. I don't want you to move because I'll miss you!"
I smiled and said, "Yeah, I'll miss you too."
"But, whatever you decide I'll stand behind you. If you think moving to San Francisco is what you need, then I say go for it. Whatever it takes to fix your broken heart."
I looked at her and smiled. "Thanks for being there for me," I said to her, about ready to cry again.
"Oh, no problem," she said as she reached over and hugged me again.
I grabbed my suitcases that sat beside the front door as the taxi driver honked his horn. "Well, I guess this is it," I said to Toby and Jill who stood there crying. They both reached out their arms and hugged me.
"Make sure you call us when you get there," said Toby.
"Yeah, and take good care of yourself. We'll miss you," said Jill.
"I will, I will. And I'll miss you too. But don't worry we'll stay in touch," I said to them. "And you two will have to come visit me in San Francisco."
"Of course," said Toby as she reached out and hugged me. The taxi honked his horn again.
"I think the driver is getting impatient," I said. "I need to get going. I'll call you when I get there," I called out to them as I walked out the door and headed towards the cab. I opened the yellow door and sat down inside.
"Where to?" asked the cab driver.
"The airport," I responded. The driver pulled away from the curb and took off towards the airport. As we drove along, I reflected back on everything I had been through these past few weeks. After Jordan left me for Ellen, I decided to move home to San Francisco. I needed a new start, away from Jeremy, Ellen and Jordan. Especially from Ellen and Jordan. There was no way I would be able to handle seeing them together with their baby.
So, I quit my job and gave my landlord notice. Through family, friends and the Internet I was able to locate a new apartment in the city and a new job. I would be starting in a week, that way I would have time to get settled. I had a garage sale and sold most of my belongings because I didn't want to deal with moving them across country. I packed my clothing in suitcases to take with me and the rest of my belongings Toby was going to ship to me once I arrived in San Francisco. Everything was settled, yet I still didn't feel like I was ready to leave. I stared out the window at the beautiful city as we drove past.
We arrived at the airport later and I looked down at my watch. It read 11:35. I had better hurry in order to catch my 12:00 flight. I quickly paid the cab fare and headed inside. I got at the end of the line for baggage check and slowly inched my way forward to the counter. Once I reached the counter, I handed over my four pieces of luggage and showed them my ticket.
"Flight 1789 to San Francisco is departing at Gate 12," said the woman at the counter.
"Thank you!" I said to her and headed towards my gate. Once I arrived at the gate I showed the person at the counter my ticket again and received my boarding pass. I went over and sat down on one of the uncomfortable chairs until it was time to board. I began to think of Jordan again as I sat there. I just couldn't understand why fate would not allow us to be together when we loved each other so much. 'Oh well,' I thought to myself and sighed.
"We will now begin boarding for flight 1789 to San Francisco," announced a voice over the intercom. I stood up and got in the line for boarding. As I reached the head of the line and handed my ticket to the man at the gate I heard a voice yell, "Sela!".
"Sela! Wait!" yelled the voice again. I turned my head in the direction of where the voice was coming from and saw Jordan running towards me. He was wearing jeans, a gray shirt, and a black leather jacket that was falling off his shoulders. As he ran towards me, he tripped over a red suitcase that was sitting on the floor.
"Jordan!" I called out to him as he brushed himself off and sprinted towards me. My whole body began to shake with excitement and a smile spread across my face. What was he doing here? As he grew closer to where I was standing, he reached out and grabbed me, holding me in a tight embrace.
"Oh Sela, don't leave. Please don't leave," he said into my ear, slightly out of breath.
"But, what about Ellen?" I asked him.
"Oh baby," he said to me and kissed me on the lips. "It was a lie. She lied to me. She wasn't pregnant. She only said that to keep us apart."
"What?!" I asked my eyes wide open in shock from what Ellen had done. "How did you find out?"
"It's a long story. I'll tell you later. But the important part is that now we can be together. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. You have to know that I would have never broken up with you if I didn't think Ellen was pregnant. I love you so much," he said to me, his eyes full of anguish. "Please forgive me. I'm so miserable without you. I don't know what I will do if you move to San Francisco."
"How did you find out I was moving to San Francisco?" I asked. I looked around and noticed that everyone near the gate was staring at us and hanging on our every word.
"Toby told me. I found out about Ellen today and I immediately went over to your house. But when I got there, your house was empty. I didn't know what to do. So, I called Toby and she told me that you were moving to San Francisco. I was so afraid I wasn't going to catch you in time. Can you ever forgive me for what I've done?"
"Of course I forgive you," I said as I threw my arms around him. He picked me up and spun me around. Everyone in the airport that was watching us began to applaud and cheer. Jordan lowered me down and kissed me passionately on the lips. I pulled my lips away from him and gazed up into his eyes. "I love you," I said to him. Then we both began to smile and laugh.
"Excuse me, miss?" asked the man at the gate. "Would you still like to board?" he asked. I looked over at him and then looked back at Jordan, who was smiling widely.
"No," I said to the man. "I think I'm going to stay here." I reached out and grabbed Jordan's hand. "Let's get out of here," I said to him and kissed him on the cheek. The two of us quickly strode out of the airport, hand in hand, our faces beaming with joy as everyone watched after us.