Election

Paul Metzler: And thank you, God, for what I've been told is a large penis. Tammy Metzler: It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything. I'm attracted to the person. It's just that all the people I've been attracted to happen to be girls. [Brainstorming campaign slogans] Paul Metzler: Paul Power... Paul for President... Paul... Promise... Progress... Peanut... Tammy Metzler: If you died right now, I would throw myself under one of my Dad's cement trucks so I could be poured into your tomb. Paul Metzler: My leg wasn't feeling so bad, and the weather was nice, and every day we would go back to her house and fuck in the hot tub. Tammy Metzler: Sometimes when I'm sad, I sit and watch the power station. Tracy Enid Flick: [narrating] None of this would have happened if Mr. McAllister hadn't meddled the way he did. He should have just accepted things as they are instead of trying to interfere with destiny. You see, you can't interfere with destiny. That's why it's destiny. And if you try to interfere, the same thing's going to happen anyway, and you'll just suffer. [Her campaign speech] Tammy Metzler: Who cares about this stupid election? We all know it doesn't matter who gets elected president of Millard. You think it's going to change anything around here, make one single person happier or smarter or nicer? The only person it matters to is the one who gets elected. The same pathetic charade happens every year, and everyone makes the same pathetic promises just so they can put it on their transcripts to get into college. So vote for me, because I don't even want to go to college, and I don't care, and as president I won't do anything. The only promise I make is that if elected I will immediately dismantle the student government, so that none of us will ever have to sit through one of these stupid assemblies again! [Student body erupts in huge cheers] Paul Metzler: I sure was suprised when Lisa asked me for a ride home and then took me up to her room and gave me a blowjob. Tracey Flick: It's like my mom always says, "The weak are always trying to sabatoge the strong." [narrating] Tammy Metzler: Getting suspended is like getting a paid vacation. I don't know why teachers think it's punishment. It's like, your dog pees on the carpet and you give him a treat. Then you get in trouble for skipping school, it's sooo stupid! Dr. Hendricks said, "One more time" and I'd be expelled. Sounded good to me. Jim McAllister: Dave, as a friend I'm telling you that what you're doing is morally wrong, and it's illegal. Dave Novotny: Jim, I don't need a lecture on ethics. Jim McAllister: I'm not talking about ethics, I'm talking about morals. Dave Novotny: What's the difference? [Jim McAllister watches porn in his basement] Adult Video Actor: Crystal! What are you doing in the boy's locker room? Adult Video Actress: Come to see the star quarterback before the big game. Adult Video Actor: But what if Coach Henderson walks in? Adult Video Actress: Oh, that's okay, I took care of him. What are you doing? Adult Video Actor: Oh, just reviewing my playbook. Adult Video Actress: I know a play we can practice: You be quarterback, I'll be tight-end. [during sex with Jim] Diane McAllister: You gonna do it? Come on. Fill me up! Come on! Fill me up! Yeah! Good job! Jim McAllister: Larry, we're not electing the fucking Pope here. Just tell me who won. ~ Home ~ Movies ~ Songs ~ Anonymous ~ Women ~ ~ Friendship ~ Life and Success ~ Poems ~ Shakespeare ~ Star Trek ~