 Lieutenant Kaffee: "Is the colonel's underwear a matter of national security?"
Daniel Kaffee: "And don't wear that perfume in court, it wrecks my concentration."
Lt. Commander Jo Ann Galloway: "Really!"
Daniel Kaffee: "I was talking to Sam."
Daniel Kaffee: "Maybe if we work at it we can get Dawson charged with Kennedy assassination."
Galloway: "Why do you hate them so much?"
Weinberg: "They beat up a weakling, that's all they did. The rest is just smoke filled coffeehouse crap."
Kaffee: "You dont need a patch on your arm to have honor."
Sam Weinberg: "You've heard her. My daughter said a word. She said 'pa'."
Daniel Kaffee: "She was pointing to a mailbox, Sam."
Sam Weinberg: "That's right. She pointed to the mailbox and said 'pa, look, a mailbox."
Kaffee: "You ever talk to a client of mine without premission, I'll have you disbarred. Friends?"
Galloway: "I had authorization."
Kaffee: "From who?"
Galloway: "Ginny Miller. Louden's aunt on his mother's side."
Kaffee: "You got authorization from Aunt Ginny?"
Galloway: "It's perfectly within my boundaries."
Kaffee: "Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? Maybe we could hold the trial there. I'll sew the costumes and maybe Uncle Goober can be the judge."
Lt. Weinberg: "Cmdr. Galloway, Lt. Kaffee is considered to be the best litigator in our office. He successfully plea bargained 44 cases in 9 months."
Kaffee: "One more and I get a set of steak knives."
Kaffee: "You think I can't subpoena Markinson?"
Ross: "You won't find him. Do you know what Markinson did for his first 22 years in the Marines? Counterintelligence. Markinson is gone. There is no Markinson."
Sam Weinberg: ""I strenuously object?" Is that how it's done? Hm? "Objection, your Honor!" "Overruled" "No, no. I STRENUOUSLY object." "Oh! You strenuously object. Then I'll take some time and reconsider.""
Daniel Kaffee: "You and Dawson, you both live in the same dreamworld! It doesn't matter what I believe. It only matters what I can prove! So don't tell me what I know, or don't know! I know the LAW!"
Daniel Kaffee: "Oh, spare me the psycho babble father bullshit!"
Lt. Commander Jo Ann Galloway: "I was wondering how you'd feel about my taking you to dinner."
Daniel Kaffee: "Are you asking me out on a date?"
Lt. Commander Jo Ann Galloway: "No!"
Daniel Kaffee: "I've been asked out on dates before, and that's what it sounded like."
Col. Nathan R. Jessup: "You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely.
Galloway: "It's my opinion that if this case is handled in the same slick-ass, Persian bazaar, fast food manner with which you seem to handle everything else, it's my opinion that something would be missed. And I wouldn't be doing my job if I let Dawson and Downey spent any more time in prison than absolutely necessary because their lawyer had predetermined the path of least resistance."
Kaffee: "Wow... I'm sexually aroused, Commander."
Kaffee: "Colonel Jessup, did you order the Code Red?"
Sam: "Listen, I..."
Kaffee: "AAAAA. I'm sorry, you're time's run out, what do we have for the losers judge? Well for our defendants, it's a lifetime in exotic Fort Leavenworth. And for defense counsel Kaffee... that's right... it's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After falsely accusing a highly decorated marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lieutenant Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching typewriter maintenance at the Rocko Club School for Women. Thank you for playing "should or should we not, follow the advice of the galactically stupid?""
Col. Jessup: "So how is your dad, Danny?"
Kaffee: "He passed away seven years ago, sir."
Col. Jessup: "Don't I feel like the fucking asshole?"
Kaffee: "Not at all sir."
Kaffee: "Whoa! Hold it! We gotta take a boat?"
Barnes: "Yes, sir. To get to the other side of the bay."
Kaffee: "Nobody said anything about a boat."
Barnes: "Is there a problem, sir?"
Kaffee: "No, no problem. I'm just not that crazy about boats, that's all."
Galloway: "Jesus Christ, Kaffee, you're in the Navy for crying out loud."
Col. Nathan R. Jessup: "What are we going to discuss next? My favorite color?!"
Kaffee: "I don't like flying because I'm afraid of crashing into a large mountain. I don't think Dramamine is going to help."
Weinberg: "Try some oregano. I hear that works pretty good."
Kaffee: "I figured since we were out of witnesses, I might as well drink a little."
Galloway: "We can still win this."
Kaffee: "Maybe you should drink a little."
Daniel Kaffee: "Thank you for playing, "Should we or should we not follow the advice of the galactically stupid.""
Daniel Kaffee: "Oh, I forgot. You were sick the day they taught law at law school."
Col. Nathan Jessup: "Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because, deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand at post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."
Daniel Kaffee: "Lt. Kendrick, may I call you John?"
Lt. Kendrick: "No, you may not."
Daniel Kaffee: "Have I done something to offend you?"
Lt. Kendrick: "No, I like all you Navy boys. Everytime we gotta go some place to fight, you fellas always give us a ride."
Colonel Jessup: "If you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, you're just letting an opportunity pass you by."
Col. Nathan Jessup: "Take caution in your tone, Commander. I'm a fair guy, but this fucking heat is making me absolutely crazy."
Col. Nathan Jessup: "I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me, roll the dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yard from 4000 Cubans who are trained to kill me, so don't think for one second that you can come down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous."
Col. Nathan Jessup: "We follow orders son. We follow orders, or people die. It's that simple. Are we clear?"
Col. Nathan R. Jessup: "You want answers?"
Daniel Kaffee: "I think I'm entitled."
Col. Nathan R. Jessup: "You want answers?"
Daniel Kaffee: "I want the truth!"
Col. Nathan R. Jessup: "You can't handle the truth!"
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