Mystery Men

Blue Raja: May the forks be with us. The Shoveler: We've got a blind date with Destiny -- and it looks like she's ordered the lobster. Mr. Furious: I don't need a compass to know which way the wind shines! The Sphinx: We are number one! All others are number two, or lower. Blue Raja: I'm a superhero, Mother. An effete British superhero. Monica: I don't find you threatening. Mr. Furious: Well, you're... kind. Monica: At all. The Shoveler: We're not your classic heros. We're the other guys. Shoveler: God's given me a gift. I shovel well. I shove very well. The Bowler: [To her father's skull, after avenging his death] OK, now I'm going back to graduate school. That was the agreement. Mr. Furious: Right now I'm kinda like a powder keg. Mr. Furious: After all, I am a ticking time bomb of fury. The Sphinx: To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn. The Sphinx: You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums. The Sphinx: He who questions training only trains himself at asking questions. The Sphinx: You must be like wolf pack, not six-pack. The Shoveler: We fight crime. Call it what you will. [Invisible Boy becomes visible in front of everyone and he's naked] The Bowler: Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you wanna keep fighting evil today. Mr. Furious: Don't mess with the volcano my man, 'cause I will go Pompeii on your... butt. Mr. Furious: You must've torn out the "Q" section in my dictionary, because I don't know the meaning of the word "quit"! The Sphinx: When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you can head off your foes with a balanced attack. Vic Weems: I'm a publicist, not a magician. The Bowler: There's another chicken. Crazy chicken world. The Sphinx: When you care what is outside, what is inside cares for you. [Commenting On The Disco Boy's arsenal] Mr. Furious: What? Guns? That's your power, you shoot guns? Blue Raja: There's no theme at all here. Mr. Furious: Weak. Blue Raja: At best. [They high-five each other] Mr. Furious: See, you've got a chain, I would at least make it a gold chain. [A Disco Boy wields a pipe] The Shoveler: And who are you, the Disco Plumber? [The Heroes Talk about Hero Recruits] Blue Raja: Well, there's The Sphinx. Mr. Furious: Who? Blue Raja: The Sphinx. The Shoveler: Yeah, I've heard of this guy. He's a big crime-fighter down east. Mr. Furious: What's his power? Blue Raja: Well, he's terribly mysterious. Mr. Furious: That's his power, he's mysterious? Blue Raja: He's TERRIBLY mysterious, actually. The Shoveler: Yeah, plus he can cut guns in half with his mind. [The Spleen is shot in the rear] The Spleen: I CAN'T FEEL MY ASS! I CAN'T FEEL MY ASS! Invisible Boy: Doe's your power still work? The Spleen: Uh-oh, weapons check. Pull my fingers. [Invisible Boy pulls. Spleen lets loose a wind of gas, wiping out an entire gang.] The Spleen: It'll do. Mr. Furious: Rage... taking over... Casanova Frankenstein: Yes, yes, we've heard that before. Mr. Furious: No. Rage... REALLY taking over... Capt. Amazing: Oh I knew that... and I knew you'd know I'd know you knew. The Blue Raja: Am I to understand that you have inserted your father's skull in that ball for bowling? The Bowler: No, the guy at the pro shop did it. The Shoveler: We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not bickering. Mr. Furious: What kinda crazy man blows up a crazy house? Roy's Boss: When are you going to tear down that jeep out there? Mr. Furious: Now we went throught this yesterday. That "jeep" is actually an armored car of some kind. It was made to withstand bombs, I can't just rip it apart with a crowbar. Mr. Furious: I'm a Pantera's box you do not wanna open! Casanova Frankenstein: It is "Pandora." Mr. Furious: Please don't correct me, it sickens me. The Spleen: Hiya fellas. Word on the street is you're lookin' for superheroes. ~ Home ~ Movies ~ Songs ~ Anonymous ~ Women ~ ~ Friendship ~ Life and Success ~ Poems ~ Shakespeare ~ Star Trek ~