The Nutty Professor

[Sitting with three beautiful women at the Ritz club.] Buddy: Is this the "nice-ass" section?! Mama Klump: When the good Lord made you, He made you beautiful inside and out. Sherman Klump: Daddy, all I'm saying is that scientific breakthroughs are occurring all the time. Ernie Klump: The only thing that's 'bout to break through is your ass 'bout to break through the seat of your pants. Mama Klump: I think I do remember hearing somethin' on TV about colon cleansin'. They say everyone should have one. I'm thinkin' about gettin' me an appointment and go down and get my colon cleansed thoroughly. Papa Klump: You want your colon cleansed? Fine, I'm gonna clean mine! [Farts.] Papa Klump: There, my colon is clean. My colon is squeaky clean! Dean Richmond: Can I get you anything? Juice? Coffee? Rack of lamb? Cletus "Papa" Klump: You can sew up your stomach and your asshole and you will always be fat. Mama Klump: Cletus, the dog has ripped the garbage bag open again. Papa Klump: Well, shoot the damn dog! Mama Klump: I ain't shootin' no dog! Papa Klump: I'm tryin' to watch "Roseanne." Mama Klump: Cletus, come clean this garbage up. Papa Klump: Man, I'm watchin' TV! Grandma Klump: I'll kick your lazy ass up. Papa Klump: I told you, none of your damn business! Grandma Klump: You lazy mother--! Grandma Klump: Come on Cletus! It aint nuthin' but a short walk. You might walk over, but you limpin' back! I aint no easy win, nigga! Reggie Warrington: Women be shoppin'! You cannot stop a woman from shoppin'! Grandma Jensen: Don't give me none o' dem mashed potatoes, you know mashed potatoes give me gas. Dean Richmond: You're going to great. You know how I know that? Because if you don't do great, I am going to kill you. And I don't mean that as a euphemism, I am going to choke you, and cut of your air supply, until you pass away. Dean Richmond: I know you're going to be perfect and you know how I know all these things? Because if you're not perfect, forget the yelling and the screaming and the firing. I'm going to kill you. And I don't mean that as a euphemism, I am going to literally kill you. I'm going to strangle you and choke off your air supply until you pass away. Buddy: What's wrong with that breath? I can smell it over her Reggie, Your breath is so stinky people look forward to your farts. Do you smell shit? [sniffs] Buddy: I SMELL SHIT!! Buddy Love: [To Carla] Are you ready to go upstairs? [Carla slaps him] Buddy Love: I guess not. Mama Klump: Hercules! Hercules! Hercules! Buddy Love: Who you think you talkin' to, Sherman Klump? Man, if you ever talk to me like that again, I'll kill you. And I don't mean it as euphemism, I'm gonna literally kill you. I'm gonna *strangle* you and cut off *your* air supply until *you* pass away. Buddy Love: Someone has to tend to Chunky Butt's sex life. Chunky Butt is extremely horny. ~ Home ~ Movies ~ Songs ~ Anonymous ~ Women ~ ~ Friendship ~ Life and Success ~ Poems ~ Shakespeare ~ Star Trek ~