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Buttercup: I died that day! You can die too, for all I care.
Wesley: Every night he'd say that. "Good night Wesley. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."
The Giant: My way not very sportsman-like.
Wesley: I've got to invade a castle with my brains, his strength, and your steele and a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy?
The Albino: You're in the pit of dispair. Don't even think *cough* don't even think about trying to escape.
Inigo: I give you my word as a Spaniard.
Wesley: No good. I've known too many Spaniards.
Buttercup: I never said he was my true love.
The Little Kid: Hold it, hold it! What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the sports? (suspiciously) Is this a kissing book?
The Impressive Clergyman: Mawage! Mawage is what bwings us togeder today.
Buttercup: What about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Wesley: Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't believe they exist.
Wesley(In the fire swamp): It's not that bad in here. Well, I'm not saying I want to build a summer home here, but the trees are quite lovely.
Buttercup: What do you mean. I got married. I was there.
Wesley: Did you say 'I do'?
Buttercup: No, I think we skipped that part.
Valerie: LIAR! LIAR! He said "True love"!!!
The Grandson: A book?
Grandpa: That's right. When I was your age, television was called books! And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you.
The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
The Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake.
Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.
Grandpa: [narrating] Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around.
Buttercup: Farm boy, polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning.
Westley: As you wish.
Grandpa: [narrating] "As you wish" was all he ever said to her.
Buttercup: Farm boy, fill these with water -- please.
Westley: As you wish.
Grandpa: [narrating] That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.
Buttercup: Farm boy... fetch me that pitcher.
[It's right over her head, so he has to stand next to her.]
Westley: As you wish.
[Cut to them kissing.]
The Grandson: [interrupting] Hold it, hold it! What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the sports? [suspiciously] Is this a kissing book?
Grandpa: Wait, just wait.
The Grandson: Well, when does it get good?!
Westley: Hear this now: I will always come for you.
Buttercup: But how can you be sure?
Westley: This is true love -- you think this happens every day?
Westley: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?
Buttercup: Well... you were dead.
Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
[Buttercup kisses the senile King.]
The King: What was that for?
Buttercup: Because you have always been so kind to me, and I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite.
The King: Won't that be nice. She kissed me!
Westley: We are men of action, lies do not become us.
Vizzini: A word, my lady. We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?
Buttercup: There is nothing nearby... Not for miles.
Vizzini: Then there will be no one to hear you scream!
Fezzik: You never said anything about killing anyone!
Vizzini: I've hired you to help me start a war! It's an prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.
Fezzik: I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl.
Vizzini: Am I going MAD, or did the word "think" escape your lips?! You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic LAND MASS!
Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that!
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead!
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH!!
Inigo Montoya: You are sure nobody's follow' us?
Vizzini: As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable! No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. --Out of curiosity, why do you ask?
Inigo Montoya: No reason. It's only... I just happened to look behind us and something is there.
Vizzini: What?! Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night... in... eel-infested waters...
[In the boat in the morning]
Inigo Montoya: He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.
[Vizzini has just cut the rope The Dread Pirate Roberts is climbing up]
Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE!
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Inigo Montoya: I donna suppose you could espeed things up??
Westley: If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do.
Inigo Montoya: I could do that. I have some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only only waiting around to kill you.
Westley: That does put a damper on our relationship.
Inigo Montoya: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Westley: Do you always begin conversations this way?
Inigo Montoya: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Westley: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.
[Fencing]
Inigo Montoya: You are wonderful!
Man in Black: Thank you; I've worked hard to become so.
Inigo Montoya: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Man in Black: Then why are you smiling?
Inigo Montoya: Because I know something you don't know.
Man in Black: And what is that?
Inigo Montoya: I... am not left-handed!
[Moves his sword to his right hand and gains an advantage]
Man in Black: You are amazing!
Inigo Montoya: I ought to be, after 20 years.
Man in Black: Oh, there's something I ought to tell you.
Inigo Montoya: Tell me.
Man in Black: I'm not left-handed either.
[Moves his sword to his right hand and regains his advantage]
Inigo Montoya: Who are you?
Westley: No one of consequence.
Inigo Montoya: I must know...
Westley: Get used to disappointment.
Inigo Montoya: 'kay.
Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Man in Black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?
Fezzik: [brandishing rock] I could kill you now.
Man in Black: I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.
Fezzik: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.
Vizzini: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
Westley: You're that smart?
Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Westley: Yes.
Vizzini: Morons.
Vizzini: Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong - that's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha-ha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia", but only slightly less famous is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian, when *death* is on the line!". Hahahahahah!
[Vizzini falls over dead]
Buttercup: You mock my pain!
Westley: Life is pain, Highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something.
Buttercup: We'll never survive!
Westley: Nonsense! You're only saying that because no one ever has.
[After Westley rescues her from the lightning quicksand]
Buttercup: We'll never succeed. We may as well die here.
Westley: No, no. We have already succeeded! I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt -- no problem! There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Westley: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.
[Immediately, an R.O.U.S. attacks him]
Prince Humperdinck: Surrender!
Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.
Buttercup: You can't hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords.
[Rugen has invited Humperdinck to watch Westley being tortured]
Prince Humperdinck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work. But I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped!
Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.
Count Rugen: As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. And really, that's all this is, except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you, so let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so... be honest. How do you feel?
[hearing the scream of Westley as he is being tortured]
Inigo Montoya: Do you hear that Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when the six-fingered man killed my father. The Man in Black makes it now.
Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?
Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!
Miracle Max: Get back, witch!
Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife! And after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more!
Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da castle!
Valerie: Think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.
Westley: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?
Inigo Montoya: Let me 'splain. [pause] No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.
Westley: That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying.
Fezzik: You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful.
Westley: I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?
Inigo Montoya: There is but one working castle gate, and... and it is guarded by 60 men.
Westley: And our assets?
Inigo Montoya: Your brains, Fezzik's strength, my steel.
Westley: I mean, if we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something.
Inigo Montoya: Where we did we put that wheelbarrow the albino had?
Fezzik: Over the albino, I think.
Westley: Well, why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?
Westley: Give us the gate key.
Yelon: I have no gate key.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yelon: Oh, you mean *this* gate key.
Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
[As Buttercup prepares to commit suicide with a dagger]
Westley: There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.
[Last lines]
The Grandson: Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow?
Grandpa: As you wish.
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