Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Sam Beauregarde: Don't talk to me about contracts, Wonka, I use them myself. They're strictly for suckers. Willy Wonka: Don't you know what this is?! Violet Beauregarde: By gum, it's gum! Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing. Willy Wonka: Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple. Mrs. Teevee: That's 105 percent! Willy Wonka: It happens every time, they all become blueberries! Willy Wonka: Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous! Mr. Turkentine: I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Willy Wonka: Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about. Mr. Turkentine: Of course you don't know! You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you--and for a student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear? Willy Wonka: [singing] There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free if you truly wish to be. Willy Wonka: [singing] If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it. [Noticing signs on vats.] Mr. Salt: Wonka! Butterscotch? Buttergin? You running something on the side here? Willy Wonka: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker! Violet Beauregard: What is this, a freak out? Willy Wonka: Where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head? Mr. Salt: What is this, Wonka, some kind of funhouse? Willy Wonka: Why, are you having fun? Willy Wonka: We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams. Willy Wonka: So shines a good deed in a weary world. Veruca: [singing] I want the world. I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now. Augustus Gloop: I feel very sorry for Wonka. It's gonna cost him a fortune in fudge. Willy Wonka: A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. Sam Beauregarde: Violet, you're turning violet, Violet! Tinker: Up the airy mountain, down the rushing glen, we dare not go a hunting, for fear of little men! You see, nobody ever goes in and nobody ever comes out! Willy Wonka: No other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall. But it's the only way if you want it just... right. Willy Wonka: The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. Willy Wonka: There's no earthly way of knowing / Which direction we are going / There's no knowing where we're rowing / Or which way the river's flowing / Is it raining? / Is it snowing? / Is a hurricane a-blowing? / Not a speck of light is showing / So the danger must be growing / Are the fires of hell a-glowing? / Is the grisly reaper mowing? / Yes, the danger must be growing / 'Cause the rowers keep on rowing / And they're certainly not showing / Any signs that they are slowing! Willy Wonka: Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, and not a drop to drink... yet. Willy Wonka: If the good Lord had intended us to walk he wouldn't have invented roller-skates. Willy Wonka: Everything inside is eatable, I mean edible, I mean you can eat everything. Charlie Bucket: What was that we just went through? Willy Wonka: Hsawaknow. Mrs. Teavee: Is that Japanese? Willy Wonka: No, that's Wonkawash spelled backwards. Willy Wonka: So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. Veruca Salt: I want it now, daddy. Mrs. Gloop: My son! He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds! Willy Wonka: Impossible, my dear lady! That's absurd! Unthinkable! Mrs. Gloop: Why?! Willy Wonka: Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow rooom! It goes to the fudge room! Mrs. Gloop: You terrible man! Willy Wonka: Well, fortunately, small boys are extremely springy and elastic. So I think we'll put him in my special taffy-pulling machine. That should do the trick. [To an Oompa Loompa.] To the taffy-pulling room. You'll find the boy in his mother's purse. But be extremely careful. Mrs. Teevee: To the taffy-pulling room?! [Oompa Loompa whispers to Wonka.] Willy Wonka: No, no. I won't hold you responsible. Grandpa Joe: Mister Wonka? Willy Wonka: I am extraordinarily busy, sir. Grandpa Joe: I was just wondering about the chocolate. The lifetime supply of chocolate? For Charlie? When does he get it? Willy Wonka: He doesn't. Grandpa Joe: Why not? Willy Wonka: Because he broke the rules. Grandpa Joe: What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie? Willy Wonka: Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if -- and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy -- "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained," et cetera, et cetera... "Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum," et cetera, et cetera... "Memo bis punitor delicatum"! It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day sir! Grandpa Joe: You're a crook! You're a cheat and a swindler! How could you do a thing like this, raise up a little boy's hopes and then dash all his dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman monster! Willy Wonka: I said good day! Willy Wonka: And Charlie: don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he'd ever wished for. Charlie Bucket: What happened? Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after. Grandpa Joe: If she's a lady, then I'm a Vermicious Knid! Mr. Henry Salt: Wonka, how much do you want for the golden goose? Willy Wonka: They're not for sale. Mr. Henry Salt: Name your price. Willy Wonka: She can't have one. Veruca Salt: Who says I can't?! Mr. Henry Salt: The man with the funny hat. Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka, they won't really be burned in the furnace, will they? Willy Wonka: Well, I think that furnace is only lit every other day, so they have a good sporting chance, haven't they? Willy Wonka: [singing] In springtime, the only pretty ring time, birds sing hey ding, a-ding, a-ding. Sweet lovers love the spring. ~ Home ~ Movies ~ Songs ~ Anonymous ~ Women ~ ~ Friendship ~ Life and Success ~ Poems ~ Shakespeare ~ Star Trek ~