KIRK

Kirk: If I get my hands on the headquarters genius that assigned me a female yeoman... McCoy: What's the matter, Jim, don't you trust yourself?
Kirk: I've already got a female to worry about. Her name is Enterprise.

~ The Corbomite Manoever

Kirk: It's a mystery. I don't like mysteries! They give me a bellyache, and I've got a beauty right now.

~ The Man Trap

Kirk: One of the advantages of being a captain, Doctor, is being able to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it.

~ Dagger of the Mind

Kirk: I'm a soldier, not a diplomat.

~ Errand of Mercy

Kirk: You didn't really think I was going to beat his head in, did you?
Spock: I thought you might.
Kirk: You were right.

~ Errand of Mercy

Kirk to Kor: Go climb a tree.

~ Errand of Mercy

Kirk: I don't usually go around beating up beautiful women.
Callinda: Why not?
Kirk: Well, there are better things for men and women to do.
Callinda: Like what?

~ By Any Other name

Callinda: Why do you build up such a mystique over a simple biological function?
Kirk: We enjoy it.
Callinda: The literature?
Kirk: Callinda, I'm sorry I brought up the whole subject!

~ By Any Other name

Kirk: Would you mind being careful where you throw your rocks, Mr Spock?

~ The Apple

Woman: What are children?
Kirk: Little ones, like you, they - Just go on the way you're going, you'll find out.

~ The Apple

Kirk: Come on, Spock; let's go mind the store.

~ Amok Time

Fizzbin - The Rules of the Game
Kirk: The name of the game is called... Fizzbin. Each player gets 6 cards, except for the player on the dealer's right, who gets 7.
Thug: On the right.
Kirk: Yeah. The second card is turned up, except on Tuesdays.
Thug: Tuesday.
Kirk: Ohh! Look what you've got- 2 jacks. You got a half-fizzbin already.
Thug: I need another jack?
Kirk: No. If you got another jack, why you'd have a shralk.
Thug: A shralk?
Kirk: Yes, you'd be disqualified. No, what you need now is either a king and a deuce, except at night, of course, when you'd need a queen and a four.
Thug: Except at night.
Kirk: Right. Oh, look at that, you've got another jack! How lucky you are! How wonderful for you! Now if you didn't get another jack, if you had gotten a king, why then you'd get another card except when it's dark , when you'd have to give it back.
Thug: If it were dark on Tuesday.
Kirk: Yes, but what you're after is a royal fizzbin, but the odds of getting a royal fizzbin are astron - Spock, what are the odds on getting a royal fizzbin?
Spock: I have never computed them, Captain.
Kirk: Well, they're astronomical, believe me. Now, for the last card, we'll call it a kronk. You got that?
Thug: What?
(chaos ensues)

~ A Piece of the Action

Barris: I want all available security guards posted around the storage compartments.
Kirk: Storage compartments? Storage compartments?
Darvin: The storage compartments containing the quadrotridicale.
Kirk: The what? the what?

~ The Trouble with Tribbles

Kirk: I have never questioned the orders or the intelligence of any representative of the Federation. Until now.

~ The Trouble with Tribbles

Barris: In my opinion, you have taken this entire very important project far too lightly!
Kirk: On the contrary, I think of this project as very important. It is you I take lightly.

~ The Trouble with Tribbles

Kirk: Scotty, you've just earned your pay for the week.

~ The Doomsday Machine

Kirk: KHAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

~ The Wrath of Khan

Kirk: The word is no. I am therefore going anyway.

~ The Search for Spock

Kirk: My God, Bones! What have I done?
McCoy: What you had to do. What you always do. Turned death into a fighting chance to live.

~ The Search for Spock

Kirk: No, I'm from Iowa. I just work in outer space.

~ The Voyage Home

Kirk: I can't believe I kissed you!
Shapeshifter: It must have been your life-long ambition!

~ The Undiscovered Country

Kirk: Risk is part of the game if you want to sit in that chair.

~ Generations

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