Guns
The problem with endorsing gun control is that I run
the risk of fully-armed, right-wing militia members
coming after me. But if I ever run into any of these
people, I guess I can just shoot them.
Seriously, though, I am 100 percent in favor of gun
control. And I'm not talking stricter gun laws, I'm
talking banning guns completely. Why? Well, why the
hell NOT? I'll tell you why not...that damn second
freaking amendment, that stupid paragraph in our
stupid constitution which manifests itself as the main
basis of pro-gun arguments. Yeah, the constitution
gives us the right to bear arms. But where the hell
does the constitution give us the right to *use* those
beared arms? Does the constitution say that we have
the right to *murder?* Hell no. We are supposed to
use those guns for centerpieces on our dining-room
tables. And for self-defense. To defend ourselves
from other people who have guns.
Most people, including the scum of society (excuse me,
I mean Republicans) became somewhat interested in gun
control only after the infamous Columbine shootings.
Not to mention all the other school shootings. Not to
mention the workplace shootings in Atlanta and
Birmingham. And not even thinking about the
who-knows-how-many-thousands of preventable handgun
murders committed every year. But anyway, enough
about the large quantity of dead people resulting from
law-abiding American citizens who legally obtained
guns and then turned out to be completely psychotic.
I'm talking about me. I was interested in gun control
way before any newsworthy school shootings. This is
because my grandfather did not die in a typical
grandfatherly way; he was shot by his crazy neighbor.
This is also because I live in Michigan, and Michigan
is a gun-buyer's paradise. People spend their life's
savings on hunting trips in Michigan. On the way to
the local high school, there are three seperate houses
in residential neighborhoods with large signs saying
things like, "I'd rather be shooting my [insert gun
name here]." Or "Guns don't kill people. People kill
people." (Uh-huh, and I'd like to see people killing
people with their bare hands.)
I live in an upper-middle-class, white neighborhood,
and two of my friends own guns. They use these guns
for hunting, but the fact that they own guns in the
first place freaks the hell out of me. They tell me
how easy it is to buy a handgun, which I wouldn't know
because I would never even consider going *near* a gun
shop. They say all you need is an insantaneous
background check and a five-day waiting period.
That's five days for cooling off, which of course
assures that you will cool off and completely forget
about those 15 kids you were planning to take out.
And the background check assumes that because you
never killed anyone before, you'll never kill anyone
period. I mean, didn't you know that murders were
*born* with criminal records? So here I am, this
preppy little white kid in suburbia, USA, and my
friends own guns. I can't even begin to imagine what
it must be like to live in the inner city, where
owning a gun is similar to owning a credit card,
"don't leave home without it."
I read something about Al Gore wanting to change the
handgun waiting period to a month. Naturally, this is
better than five measly days, but I have an even
better proposal. How about changing it to NEVER? How
about you apply to purchase a handgun and you get
thrown in jail, huh? And don't call me a communist
just because I want to die of natural causes. Take a
look at England. Take a look at Canada, for God's
sake, a country similar to America in every aspect
except murder rates. Both countries have much
stricter gun laws than we do, and in turn, murder
rates next to nothing. What I don't understand is how
these f-ing Republicans, f-ing Mr. Charleton "I'm a
washed-up actor so I'm going to sell out and make
money by doing NRA commercials" Heston can *know*
these statistics and still fight for the right to own
guns. "It's a free country," they say. Yeah, a free
country except in the sense that you aren't free to go
out at night for fear of getting shot. A free country
except for the fact that our public school systems
have become veritable shooting ranges.
The truth is, you can argue with me until you're blue
in the face (although I don't know why you wouldn't
stop and take a breath), but you're wrong. If it
weren't for guns, 15 more kids in Colorado would be on
their summer vacation right now. My grandfather would
still be alive. I wouldn't have to fear for my life
every time I walk alone in the city. You have to ask
yourself if this is worth calling ourself a "free
country." You need to wonder if it's worth keeping
the second amendment which was written way, way before
high school shootings were in the realm of
possibility. What our country needs more than
anything is so stop and take a look at ourselves, and
why exactly we have the highest murder rates in the
world. And then we need to elect Bill Bradley
president...but that's another topic for another day.
