Surrealismo
Reflections on Life, the Universe, and Everything
You know that feeling when you first wake up from a good afternoon nap under a warm blanket. When you still aren't quite concious and you're all warm and tingly and blissful and don't have a care in the world; I wish I could save that feeling. It feels so far away from everything else and so wonderful. It's almost as good as sleeping in someone else's arms.
My whole life lately has seemed that far away from reality. Is it just me or has anyone else's life ever all of the sudden just gotten very strange? (to quote Rocky Horror "like you're under sedation"). For the last couple of months I've felt like I'm on a sitcom. My life seems to consist of these random scenes that have absolutely nothing to do with each other and contain different extras every time. I'm beginning to think cameras are going to pop out or that I'm going to to hear that fake applause and laughter. It's like that wierd computer effect they do in The Matrix (and Forces of Nature) where you're standing outside in the snow and you seem to be moving quickly but the snow isn't moving—swimming or sleepwalking.
No, I'm not tripping on anything. Sometimes it feels like I am though. All of the sudden a section of my life has been pulled out and continues on leaving the normal part of my life behind. Allow me to illustrate. Last week, I went to a Garbage concert (which btw, kicked ass. Probably one of the best concerts I've ever seen) and as soon as we got to the concert it seemed like my life at school freeze-framed and I was off in some space time continium. The same sort of thing happens when friends from home visit me at school. It seems like two parallel universes (universi?) have collided and mixed about as well as oil and water. This is the same reason why I hate introducing guys I'm dating to my parents. It messes with my reality.
You know that really slow, boring movie you saw recently that had very little plot or action but just seemed to drag like a child pulling a mule cart? That's my life. Boring, dull and slow with no plot.
I feel like I'm just sort of gliding through life. At first it wasn't too bad, but it's gotten worse. Nothing is as funny anymore, and I don't get the same rush of adrenaline doing things that scare me. Drinking and going uptown doesn't scare me anymore. I can't scare myself into do doing my homework, except possibly right before the deadline and sometimes not even then. I've hit the school is too easy point again.
I think I've build up a tolerance to life, kinda like an alcoholic. I need more and more exciting things to get the same buzz.
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Where to go from here? Who knows? Maybe I'll die tomorrow or maybe at 85, all I know is that somehow I have to get out of this rut.
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