Ye Olde Crewe:
Black Ethyl Vain
(Second Mate)She'll do yer nails by day, and sell your arse on the slave trade by night - She's a pimp with a pumice stone!
Baretta Bounty
(First Mate) A real Russ Myers girl of the high seas! Kills men with her bare pinky finger, AND she's a darn good singer.
Bloody Bonnie
(Ship's Mascot) rottweiler.
Aimee the Mean
(Ship's Cook) Usually sauced and saucy, she's the mate with the mutton & the vixen with the fixins!
Skipper Scurvy Snowflake
(Pirate First Class)A hunter of treasure & pleasure - in other words, BOOTY!
Francisco "Cabin Boy" Castro
...and I be the cap'n cuz I wear the biggest hair..ARR!
NATURE'S COOK
Death is the cook of Nature; and we findMeat dressed several ways to please her mind.
Some meats she roasts with fevers, burning hot,
And some she boils with dropsies in a pot.
Some for jelly consuming by degrees,
And some with ulcers, gravy out to squeeze.
Some flesh as sage she stuffs with gouts and pains,
Others tender meat hangs up in chains.
Some in the sea she pickles up to keep,
Others, as brawn is soused, those in wine steep.
Some with the pox, chops flesh, and bones so small,
Of which she makes a French fricassee withal.
Some of gridiorns of calentures is boiled,
And some trodden on, and so quite spoiled.
But those are baked, when smothered they do die,
By heretic fevers some meat she doth fry.
In sweat sometimes she stews with savory smell,
A hodge-podge of diseases tasteth well.
Brains dresssed with apoplexy to Nature's wish,
Or swims with sauce of megrims in a dish.
And tongues she dries with smoke from stomachs ill,
Which as the second course she sends up still.
Then Death cuts throats, for blood-puddings to make,
And puts them in the guts, which colics rack.
Some hunted are by Death, for deer that's red.
Or stall-fed oxen, knocked on the head.
Some for bacon by Death are singed, or scaled,
Then powdered up with phlegm, and reum that's salt.
-Margaret Cavendish, Duchess of Newcastle (1624-1674)
