On the main drag of Orlando, the guys begin to get aquainted with each other. It is apparent that Chris and Justin have already become fast friends...quick thinking Chris realizing that the blonde babe magnet is his key to pre-pubesecent girls, and Justin is in awe of the fact that Chris can help him read the big words on the map, such as STREET, and PARKWAY. Lance is too wrapped up in his doodling of LANCE+DANIELLE+TOBY FOREVER on his hot pink notebook to socialize. Joey is rummaging through the fridge, visibly upset that it's not fully stocked, while JC is napping. Reaching their destination, helped by Joey's knowledge on where to find deserted warehouses on isolated sidestreets in O-town (aka--his Saturday night job), the guys pile out of the Winnie, set for their upcoming adventure.
Joey re-reads the directions: FOLLOW THE HIGHWAY...STRAIGHT TO THE END OF TOWN...THE MAN IN THE WAREHOUSE...WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO GET DOWN.
"Getting down? YEAH! Sex on the first mission! But a man? Well, not my usual style, but I guess I wouldn't mind if he watched", Joey exclaimed.
"Well, I can tell who the horny one here is!", replied JC. "We'll have to set a strict bedtime for you young man!"
Joey groaned, and with that, they entered the warehouse.
"Yo--we's be dancin? Dat be phat--I tight wit dat! Da honies luv it when I gets down wit myself. I gots tha moves to make da ladies hot!", Justin said.
Taking out his trusty Ebonics dictionary from the days of the infamous Mickey Mouse Club, JC translates for the rest of the guys, who are staring with bugged out eyes and blank expressions at the youngest of the group. "Are we going to be dancing? That would be so much fun! I'd be very willing to go along with that! The women like it when I dance. When I dance, I make them sexually aroused.", JC read, furiously flipping through pages. The confusion immediately turned into understanding.
"Yo--dat's what I be's sayin!", Justin exclaimed.
Suddenly a muscular young man with a dirty blonde ponytail approached them and introduced himself as Ray. "I'm going to whip you fine looking young boys into real dancers!", he squealed in delight. "Especially you blondie!", he said, pointing to Lance.
"Yo! What da dilly yo? What's up wit dat ya'll? I is a danca already!", Justin objected.
"Ummm--yeah, something like what he said", agreed Chris."Yeah", said Joey, "I did lots of dancing on the Beetlejuice Review. I'm the pro, not this fag.", he boasted, pointing to Ray.
"Joey--that was incredibly rude and prejudiced! You know nothing of Ray's sexual preference!", argued Lance.
"It's ok honey", soothed Ray. "Let him say what he wants. I'll make sure you know the truth after tonight, if you know what I'm sayin."
Covering his ears with a frightened expression, Lance cried, "Not my virgin ears! Now you've scarred me for life!"
"Can we get this little game started? I wanna get to our next mission--I bet there'll be some teenage girls there!", exclaimed Chris.
"Good idea my pigtailed friend", said Ray. He revealed a large boombox, and pressed play. NKOTB's "Hangin' Tough" blasted out of the speakers.
"YO--what's up wit dis? Dis be dat gay boy group stuff. Gimmie sumpin' from the hood--sumpin' for a brotha!", yelled Justin.
"Just show me what you've got boy", coaxed Ray.
Agreeing, Justin started shaking his thing, throwing his hands up, and beatboxing. Slowly the others joined in. Joey began feeling himself up and down, removing his belt in a kinky fashion. Realizing the others were staring at him in a peculiar way, he realized his error and said, "Sorry guys, it's a matter of habit!" Chris began bouncing off the walls (literally), and headbanging, Lance straddled a nearby bench and began "riding", and JC began imitating Justin's pelvic thrusts, hoping to learn from the master.
Ray knew that all around, there was much work to be done. He began with Justin. Finding an old mirror, he placed it in front of Justin's face and asked if he noticed anything.
"YO--I look SLAMMIN!! Ma fro is da BOMB!!", said Justin, obviously pleased.
"No Justin--look harder," eased Ray, "See your skin color? That shade is called white."
"YO--what's up wit dis brotha? Why he be dissin me?", Justin inquired angrily.
"Oh--forget it. Just keep dancing like you do. But a warning--the girls might fall at your knees in horny obedience, but you WILL get your ass kicked daily", Ray sighed.
Moving onto Chris, he had only one thing to say. "Ritalin, honey--try it." With a confused expression in his eyes, Chris contemplated this strange new idea.
Next came Joey. "Doll--what was your previous employment?", Ray asked.
"Universal Studios, ughhh, and proud entertainer at Priscilla's Palace of Pleasure", boasted Joey.
"Aahh--I see. Let me give you a hint sugar. You might need these lessons I'm going to give you on some of your missions, and taking off your clothes will NOT be acceptable in your upcoming career," said Ray.
Next was JC. "Darlin'--Justin is not God. Those pelvic thrusts of his are genuine. Please try something else!", Ray pleaded.
Last, but not least, Lance. "Baby--you keep ridin' it! I love the way your body flows. You all I ever wanted and all I ever needed", Ray smiled.
Then Ray began teaching the guys some of the basic moves of dancing, and slowly, they began to catch on. Justin was able to stop "raising the roof" for moments at a time to put his hands below his head, and Joey put his belt back on. Chris refrained from bruising his body, Lance realized that there's more to moving than mounting a horse, and JC began doing HIS own thing. Ray was truly working magic. The guys began to come together; they seemed almost in sync.
When he saw how well they guys were working off each other, Ray knew they were ready to go out on their own. Mission One was complete! He congratulated each of the sweaty yet satisfied guys, giving Lance a special, but not welcomed hug. Slipping the shy blonde his cell phone number, he revealed a grey Sony cassette player, which Justin immediately snatched.
"Boo ya! Dis is da clue! Ah hopes we gets ta meet sum honies! Cuz ya know how da honies luv me!".
"Ummm...girls like him. He hopes there'll be girls", explained JC, a lightbulb in the other's guys darkness of Justin lingo.
Pressing play, a strangely familiar voice overcame them. It said the following:
"Hope ya learned how to dance,
and had a good time ya'll,
now put your fists up,
and get ready to brawl!
...SPRINGER STYLE!!!
Meet Melissa at Springer's Studios in Chicago in 2 days"
"Well, off you all go" said Ray, with a hint of depression in his voice. "I'll miss you all--especially you Lancey-Poo!"
"SHUT UP!!!! I am NOT your Lancey-Poo, nor will I ever be! I am a MAN, not an object of your lust!", screamed back Lance, obviously enraged.
"Wow--the blonde didn't look like he had it in him! Best of luck guys" returned Ray, and with that, they were off into the Winnie, ready to embark on their next adventure.
