TITUS 2

. . .The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things --

that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed(Titus 2:3-5).

It is wonderful how God in His Providence provides work for all the saints to do. Older women whose children may be grown and gone can find a profitable and fulfilling ministry in the church by teaching younger women. This is a healthy and natural (and biblical) calling for older women. Young women desperately need a picture of godly homemaking in a culture that derides and despises the mother at home.

The older women can be a rich resource for us in the many tasks women are called upon to do. I can think of women gifted in teaching small children, quilting and sewing, money management, hospitality, teaching, decorating, and cooking. There are as many expressions of these gifts as there are personalities. And each church will have a variety of women with a variety of gifts, and they all have something to offer.

Some of the older women are comfortable teaching in a formal situation (i.e., Bible studies) while others may prefer to minister one-on-one. I know young women who would love to have the wisdom from an older woman, but they don't know where to go. Older women need to be prodded sometimes into sharing their wisdom.

But there are two important factors that need to be considered when young women are taught. First of all, what exactly is meant by older? The passage in Timothy does not tell us what age a woman must reach before she is "older," but we must assume that she has already faithfully accomplished all she now sets out to teach. In other words, she must have loved her children in order to teach others how to do so. If by young women Paul means women who need to know how to love their children, then it is probably safe to assume that by older we mean someone who, if not finished with her task, is at least not still steering her oldest children through the perils of toddlerhood.

What difference does all this make? Young women need to be taught, but not necessarily by other young women. Age brings wisdom and maturity which can only be gained through experience. Young women can be very strong in their opinions about what makes a good homemaker, but they can lack the wisdom and understanding needed to teach with balance. For example, young mothers can be very opinionated about how to feed their babies, and can unknowingly (or knowingly) put pressure on newer mothers to feed "on demand" or "on schedule"; The same thing can happen with regard to schooling choices, or meal planning, or house-keeping. Young women can be very excited about "their method" and then express their views too dogmatically. Young women, especially young mothers, are very vulnerable to this type of peer pressure, and can come to think that their spirituality depends upon whether or not they are doing their shopping or their house cleaning the same way so-and-so does.

Another danger comes in comparisons. If Sharon quilts beautifully, and Elizabeth cooks like a gourmet, and Sarah entertains royally, and JoAnn teaches so well, and Becky sews lovely clothes for her children, and Sally's house is spotless and organized, the young wife and mother can feel overwhelmed by what she thinks are standards set for her. She can begin to feel pressure to perform like allthese women, and become frustrated by her inability to be all they are. But all women certainly do not have the same gifts or the same desires. Each woman needs to thank God for her gifts and talents and use them to His glory without comparing herself to anyone else.

Do you like to sew and quilt? By all means, then, if you have the time and inclination (and fabric), sew and quilt. Do you like to plan your menu for the week or month? Do so! But what if you prefer another style? It is not sin! What if you are a so-so cook, but you are gifted in instructing your children? You are not less of a godly woman for this.

Remember, the older women are older. They probably were not always as they are now. It took them years and years to get where they are. So take your time.

Finally, where do husbands fit into this? They may not realize that you are striving so hard to perform, to meet standards others have imposed upon you (or perhaps you have imposed upon yourself in their name). Talk with your husband about the input you are receiving from the older (or younger) women. Get his perspective on it. Husbands may not care when you shop or whether you take up knitting, so they may be totally unaware of the pressure you are feeling.

God wants me to be myself in obedience to Him, not someone else. Then I am free to enjoy the gifts He has given me, and to learn and grow from the godly examples around me.

But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another (Gal. 6:4)