Anatomy of a Rumor. (possible title)
What I dislike about being female.
Subtitle: Why most girls are inherently evil.
Subtitle II: Why most girls should keep their mouths shut about other people.
Subtitle III: Why girls are often depicted as meddling twits.
-okay, I suppose given the circumstances, I need a little disclaimer. Fine. Here you are. *Ahem*
DISCLAIMER: I understand this will sound very sterotypical, but that's part of my point, so don't get all excited about it.
Okay, good enough. Now, onward we go.
Guys have it easy for a lot of issues, but there is one that stands out rather prominently, and no, it's not what you're probably thinking.
What I'm referring to is gossip.
Take this for an example: A girl is jealous of another girl. She makes up a viscious story about the other girl ,and people end up emotionally hurt. Ouch. They let this come between them and are susequently never friends again, communicating only through evil smoldering glances.
A guy on the other hand is jealous of another guy. What does he do? He beats the snot out of him. They bleed, they shout, but yet they always seem to walk away friends again. They don't hold grudges against each other, because most of the time, they really don't care as much as they pretended to in the first place. Either that or they come to forget what they were even arguing about. They rely on their physical power (or lack of) and this seems to suit their needs just fine.
I mean, have you ever heard a guy say, "Man, I'm so ticked off at Fred. He started telling everyone I was anorexic, and now it's really hard to eat a snack lunch because all the other guys at my table think that's all I'm going to have all day, and that maybe I'll go puke it up. Don't they know that's bulemia? At least they could get the disorder straight. Fred only started saying this about me because he was jealous that I can wear 2 sizes smaller of pants than he can, and everyone thinks I'm bigger than he is." Uh-huh, that's what I thought.
Or how about this. "Listen to this guys, I asked this girl for a kiss the other night on our date and she said no. Well, Rick found out about this and told everyone that I was trying to pressure this girl into, you know, and she said she never wanted to see me again. And that's not even the worst part! Now no other girl will go out with me because she thinks I'll do that to her, too! Rick's just jealous because he can't even get a date. - Now I'm going to be stuck with this reputation forever and I didn't even earn it!" - Yep, I didn't think so.
Most girls don't feel like physically thwarting her opponent, so she uses something far more damaging. The Rumor Mill. How does it work you might ask? Relatively simple, although the results always end up very complicated, with more than one person being hurt, angry, or betrayed, oftentimes all three.
Here's a sample.
We'll call the girls Megan and Lisa. Here's the background of the story: Megan dated Jack for a while, and they broke up. Shortly after, Jack - (who, since he's male, can recover emotionally a lot quicker than his female counterparts) - decides he wants to date Lisa. Well, Megan can't handle this, even though she's the one who broke it off with Jack. So, she doesn't confront Jack about this and tell her she's upset. Oh no, that would be far too civil and courteous. Instead, she plans a personal attack against Lisa, even though she doesn't really even know her.
It begins in this way: Megan tells a girl, Donna, who she knows can't keep a secret for the life of her, that Lisa was seen- by her- walking around with another guy at the mall the other night, and that she's pretty sure that Lisa is cheating on Jack. (Yes, ALREADY!) Donna is just about to implode from this information, so she tells Nancy, who is a friend of both girls.
Nancy is shocked by this, she doesn't believe that about Lisa- especially since Megan has been known to fabricate a story or two. However, she doesn't see Lisa herself very much, so she decides to find out the truth on her own, from the next best person. She apporaches Lisa's best friend Mary, and asks Mary if she's heard anything about this. Before Nancy can finish her story, Mary dashes off to go tell Lisa that her FRIEND Nancy is spreading rumors. Nancy wasn't spreading rumors, though, she just wanted to know if what Megan had said was true or not, and she lacked the opportunity to ask Lisa herself.
In the meantime, Lisa gets very angry at Megan, Donna and Nancy. Especially Nancy, because she has never known Nancy to succumb to gossip before. However, another person, Kim, says that she thinks Nancy is probably part of the whole conspiracy, that she must not have been as good of a friend as Lisa had thought.
So, Lisa confronts Nancy, because she's really hurt that a true friend of hers would stoop that low. Nancy is at a loss because Lisa doesn't seem to believe her, even though she's never given her reason to not be trusted. Nancy tries hard to convince Lisa otherwise, but by now the story has spread to so many people that Lisa thinks Nancy must surely be lying. Lisa is never fully convinced by Nancy's story, although she wasn't lying. Consequently, a rift develops in their friendship, and others.
So what was the truth to this story? Was there any?? Well, what Megan "saw" was Lisa walking around the mall with her older brother, Henry, who was visiting from college.
Consequences:
Megan: Angry that Nancy isn't "on her side" about this.
Angry that Nancy knows she was making that up.
Angry that Lisa knows she's the one who started the whole thing, even if she doesn't fully believe it.
Angry at Lisa for still managing to keep a relationship with Jack.
Jealous of Lisa, still.
Angry that Jack isn't still with her.
Angry at Mary, just because.
Donna: proud to have started another great story in motion.
Has future aspirations of working for the media.
Doesn't care who's mad at who as long as people keep asking her for details.
Lisa: Angry at Megan.
Angry at Donna.
Angry at Kim.
Really angry at Nancy.
Hurt that people would think she was the type to cheat on her boyfriend.
Hurt that people believe this anyway.
Hurt that Nancy would be a part of it.
Mad that Megan can't grow up.
Glad that Mary told her the "truth".
Mad that a lot of peole now know a story that is completely untrue, and that it's still going around the school, which means that once it gets back to her again, it will have morphed into something even nastier and more degrading.
Feels that she can't trust anyone.
Kim: no real opinion.
Likes knowing she had a "part" in the scandal.
Nancy: Angry with everyone still telling the story.
Very very mad at Megan's immaturity.
Angry that now Lisa doesn't seem to believe her.
Angry that Megan was also trying to ruin her friendship with Lisa in addition to trying to ruin Lisa's relationship with Jack.
Angry that Lisa would think she was the type of person to do something like this, even though she knows otherwise.
Angry at Mary for saying such things to Lisa, espcially after Mary ran off before Lisa could explain herself.
Especially since Mary is her friend, too, and should also know that badmouthing others is not her style.
Feels that she can't trust anyone.
Jack: Mad that Megan would do this.
Feels bad for Lisa.
Is mad at Nancy, because he didn't expect that from her, either.
Mary:Mad that this is happening to Lisa.
Shocked that her friend Nancy had something to do with this, knowing she was also friends with Lisa.
Confused as to why Nancy would pick her to tell the rumor to, knowing that she would tell Lisa herself.
Still oblivious to the fact that Nancy was not spreading rumors.
Overall: Lots of people end up hurt and angry with each other, and for what? A bit of high school gloating glory....that's a real accomplishment. Something as trivial as this caused permanent damage to more than one friendship, and the scars from this may never disappear completely.
So, in conclusion, this is what I hate about being associated with such feminine nastiness, and feel that all this could be avoided if the girls just followed the boys' example. And no, you won't hear me say that very often.
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