Children and Bible Stories
It is truly astonishing what happens in Bible stories when they are told by young scholars around the world......
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In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off.
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Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
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Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
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Noah built an ark, which the animals came on in pears.
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Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
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The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
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Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
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Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
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Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any inredients.
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The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
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Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
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The First Commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
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The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
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Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
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Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
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The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
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David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
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Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
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When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
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When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
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Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
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St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on Jesus' head.
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Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
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He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
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It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tomb stone off the entrance.
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The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
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The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
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One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was by profession, a taximan.
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St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name of marriage.
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A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
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