My Darling - just a note to let you know how sorry I am.  Sorry that I ever said an angry word... hurt your feelings.... and made you cry.  Sorry I forgot our anniversary because I'm such an idiot.  Sorry I missed your birthday because drink got the better of me.  Sorry I kinda put a damper on your Christmas by making you visit me in jail.  Sorry that my attempt to lighten the mood at your grandfather's funeral with a few prank calls to the pallbearer's cell phone fell so flat as well. And just in case you haven't guessed it yet, I'm sorry, too, about that time I took that money from your purse... overcharged your credit cards... and sold your car without asking.    I'm also sorry - really really sorry - that I slept with your best friend... your sister... her best friend... her daughter... and her husband... then embarrassed ya by blabbing about it all to Jerry Springer.  And I just want you to know that I never meant to trade your diamond ring for drugs - it just happened.  I'm sorry.  I never meant to burn down your folks home with a carelessly discarded joint, either.  I'm very sorry about that, too.  And you wouldn't believe how sorry I am that I tried to trade the baby for a color TV if I told ya!  What I'm trying to say here, Babe, is, "It'll never happen again."  Not the gambling.  Not the smuggling.  Not the attempts to pimp ya.  And if it ever does, trust me - nobody will be sorrier about it than me.  Gosh darn it, Honey - I'm sooo sorry, God, 3 juries, and 6 foreign countries have forgiven me.  Why can't you?!  Please????  It would really mean a lot.... Please don't make me beg....  Thanx!!!!
                                                                                    Sincerely,
                                                                              Your Ever-Lovin' Soulmate