TEXAN'S PRAYER
Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry,
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
InTexas, Lord, you've put them all!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord for INSECT SPRAY!!!
Texas Fish and Game Magazine
Attention Visitors:
Texas Tourism Council Bulletin
This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state.
1. That slope-shouldered ranch hand/cowboy did more work before breakfast than you'll do
all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he sure deserves it.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on
your SUV. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive it buddy, or get out of the
way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We
got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your hinny
kicked...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a catfish breaks it off
at the handle. We have a name for that little 13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we
will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. The Jackrabbits and the Coyotes are as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare.
Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we
have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed.
We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we drive two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may
even stop when it's yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist.
Isn't that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish--carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar?
It's available at the bait shop.
15. They are cattle. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate
10 goes two ways....I-35 goes the other two. Pick one.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. You can get breakfast at the
church.
17. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the alligators.
19. No, we can't shoot the doves. They're songbirds. Okay, even we feel a little stupid
about that one. Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.