DAZZLIN' DEREK'S JOKEPAGE

You Might Be An Internet Addict If...

1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.
2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL" out loud.
3. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.
4. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete sentences.
5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".
6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
7. You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.
8. When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always "yelling" at you.
9. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.
10. Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep instead of talking.
11. Your kids are eating candy morning, noon, and night.
12. When someone says, "What did you say?" you reply, "Scroll up!"
13. You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep.
14. You turn down the lights & close the blinds so people won't know you're on-line again.
15. You know more about your AOL friends' daily routines than you do your own spouse's.
16. You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line & when they complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook.
17. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to your own.
18. You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much than the truth (online all night).
19. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your own profile to see who you are.
20. You go into labor and you stop to type a special E-mail to let everyone know you're going to be away and how you're feeling.
21. You have a map on the wall w/ LOTS of red thumbtacks to mark where people are you have met.
22. You look at an annoying person off-line & wish you had your ignore button handy.
23. You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer.
24. You get up at 2 am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer instead.
25. You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo.
26. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme.
27. Your voicemail/answering machine message is "BRB, leave your s/n & dI, will TTYL".
28. You type faster than you think.
29. You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up your TV screen at the end of a movie.
30. People say, "If it weren't for your super reflexes in your eyes & fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!"
31. You double click your TV remote.
32. You can now type over 70 wpm.
33. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.
34. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading
35. You step out of your room and realise that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
36. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
37. Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.
38. You start introducing yourself as "jim at net dot com"
39. Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a WWW site address on TV
40. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
41. Your wife drapes a lond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
42. All of your friends have an @ in their name.
43. When looking at a web page full of somebody else's links, you notice that all of them are hilighted in purple.
44. Your dog has its own home page.
45. You cant call your mother ...she doesnt have a modem.
46. You check your e-mail. it says "no new messages"...so you check again.
47. Your phone bill is as heavy as a brick.
48. You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
49. You dont kno wthe sex of 3 of your closest friends., because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
50. Your husband tells you that he has had a beard for 2 months.
51. You wake up at 3am to go to the bathroom & stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
52. You tell the kids they cant use the computer because "Daddy'd got work to do" - even though you dont have a job.
53. You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built in key-board & mouse.
54. Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
55. You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."
56. You never have have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP ..because you never log off.
57. The last girl you picked up was only a GIF
58. Your wife says communication is important in a marriage ..so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
59. As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road your first instinct is to search for the 'back button'
60. You turn off your modem & get this awful empty feeling, likeyou just pulled the plug on a loved one.