DAZZLIN' DEREK'S JOKEPAGE

1. You can get rid of leg hair without pretending that you do a lot of cycling/swimming, or any other sport that would require aerodynamic legs.
2. You absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of your sexuality.
3. When you buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's sad.
4. You can use cosmetics should you wake up looking like something the cat dragged in.
5. You can wear platforms - which is why there is no such thing as a 'little woman syndrome'
6. You don't have to get your strength up between sessions ... and it's much easier for you to get laid in the first place. 7. You can get off with teenagers without being called dirty old perverts.
8. You never ejaculate prematurely. 9. You can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
10. You get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when you blow up our computers.
11. We know that Tetris is the computer game to end all games.
12. We got off the Titanic first.
13. Your boyfriend's clothes make you look elfin and gorgeous - Guys look like complete dicks in girls.
14. You have total control over our eyebrows.
15. You can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
16. It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's boy.
17. You can cry and get off speeding fines.
18. The thrill of surprising people by being good at darts and pool...and football.
19. You live longer, so you can be cantankerous old biddies. Wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers...men die earlier so you get to cash in on the life insurance.
20. We know that games are fun, but don't believe there's a direct correlation between the size of our scores and the size of our genitals.
21. Taxis stop for you.
22. You get drunk quicker and cheaper.
23. You have no desire to arrange your possessions in alphabetical order. Ever.
24. You've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
25. It does not enhance your social standing to understand the inner workings of a 'ruck' (or any other rugby thing). But you look INCREDIBLY cool if you do.
26. We never recognise ourselves in aspects of Mr Bean. Ever.
27. You don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.