DAZZLIN' DEREK'S JOKEPAGE

More Blonde Jokes:

A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee and sits down to drink it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peel-off prize. She pull off the tab and yells, "I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home; I WON a motor home!"
The waitress runs over and says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!"
The blonde replies, "No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!" By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"
Again the blonde says, "No, no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!" The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A. Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

The blonde had never in her life been fishing, but wanted to show her rich beau she was a good sport. After about an hour or so aboard his yacht, she quietly said, "How much does that lil' red and white thingee cost ?"
"The float?" he asked. "Probably less than a dollar, I guess. Why do you ask ?"
"Well, guess I owe you a dollar then." she replied. "Mine just sank."

Q. What does a blonde say after she graduates from college?
A. "Hi, welcome to McDonalds."

One day, a man comes home from work and finds his blonde wife leaning over the kitchen sink and crying. He said, "Honey, what's wrong?" She said between sniffles, "I...I dropped the ice cubes on the floor, and then I rinsed them off in hot water, and now I can't find them."

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A. You need a quarter to use the phone and only one person can use the phone at one time.

One evening, the doorbell rings. It's the delivery boy, bringing flowers to the one blonde, Bambi. Bambi looks at the flowers and says to her roommate, "Well, I guess this means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air for the next few days." To which her blonde roommate replies:
"Why, don't you have a vase?"

Q. Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A. The rest are hunt'n peckers.

A man is having bad headaches and goes to the doctor; the doctor looks him over and said that he needs a brain transplant. The guy asked how much will that cost me? The doc. said that there are 3 brains available and the first one is from a doctor and will cost him $100.000 next there is a brain from a lawyer and will cost $150.000 and last there is a brain from a blonde female and will cost $200.000 The guy asked why so much for the last one? The doctor just smiled and said that it had never been used!

Q. Why did the blonde throw roses into the burning building?
A. She heard that flowers grew better in hot houses.

A blonde gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop says, "May I see your license please?"
She says, "What's that?"
He says "The little card with you picture that allows you to drive?"
She says "Oh, I have one of those ... here you go"
The cop takes the license, goes back to his car and checks her out for any warrants. After checking he walks back up to her car window, unzips his pants, and pulls out his cock. The blonde looks up and says ... "Oh no, not another breathalyser test!!!"

Q. Did you hear about the blonde who became a bookkeeper?
A. She has a lot of overdue library books now.

Q. What do you call a blonde in the back seat of a car?
A. "Me so horny".

Q. Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A. She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q. Why did the blonde always tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant.

Q. What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A. Reservations.

Q. Why did the blonde insist her man wear a condom?
A. So she can have the doggie bag for later.

Q. Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A. They're doing research on black holes.

Q. How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A. A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Q. Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A. Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers, and not to talk with their mouths full.

Q. What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A. "Space. The final frontier..."

Q. What is the blonde's favourite potato chip?
A. Frito-Lay (free-to-lay).

Q. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A. 12. One to make the batter, and 11 to peel the M&M's.

Q. How do you put a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
A. Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. It gives more head room.

Q. What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A. A Thought.

Q. How does a blonde spell farm?
A. E-I-E-I-O.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a Ferrari?
A. Not everyone has been in a Ferrari.

Q. How many blondes does it take to play hide-n-seek?
A. At least three, one to hide and the rest to figure out who left.

Q. Did you hear about the carload of blondes who froze to death at the drive-in?
A. They went to see the movie "Closed For The Winter."

Q. What has an I.Q. of 144?
A. Twelve blondes.

Q. Why do blondes have square boobs?
A. They forget to take the Kleenex out of the box!

Q. Why don't blondes wear dresses in the winter?
A. They get chapped lips.

Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. That's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!!!

Q. Why don't blondes make Kool-Aid?
A. They can't fit all that water in that tiny packet.

Q. Why do blondes have T G I F on their shoes?
A. To remember Toes Go In First.

Q. What does a blonde say when a guy blows in her ear?
A. Thanks for the refill!

Q. Why don't you offer a blonde a pickle?
A. Because she'll get her head stuck in the jar.

Q. Who knows what a blonde looks like naked?
A. Everybody!

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?
A. You can unscrew a light bulb!

Q. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side!

Q. What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head?
A. All you can eat for under a buck!

Q. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back!

Q. Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A. Because red means stop!

Q. What do blondes and a bottle of beer have in common?
Q. They're both empty from the neck up!

Q. What do blondes and computers have in common?
A. You don't appreciate them until they go down on you!

Q. What do blondes say after sex?
A. Are all you guys on the same team?

Q. What does an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common?
A. You always here about them, but you never see one!

Q. Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A. They need something to rest their ankles on.

Q. What is the similarity between a blonde and a screen door?
A. The harder you slam them, the looser they get!

Q. Why don't blondes like vibrators?
A. They always end up chipping their teeth!

Q. Why don't blondes wear panties?
A. Because they keep tripping over them!

Q. Why did God give blondes 1 more brain cell then dogs?
A. So they won't crap on the lawn.

Q. What does a blonde say after sex?
A. Thanks boys.

Q. Why should you take a Blonde with you to the Mall?
A. So you have a reason to park in the Handicap Zone.

Q. What do you call a pimple on a Blonde's ass?
A. A brain tumour.

Q. Do you know why Blondes can't make ice-cubes?
A. They lost the recipe.

Q. Why can't Blondes breast-feed their babies?
A. Because it hurts when they boil the nipples.

Q. What do you call a freezer full of Blondes?
A. Frosted Flakes!

Q. Why did the Blonde get fired from the M & M factory?
A. She kept throwing out the ones that had W's on them!

Q. What do you call a brunette hooker, standing beside 3 blonde hookers?
A. Regular price, 5 bucks, 5 bucks, 5 bucks.

Q. Why did the dumb blonde think she could fly?
A. Because her maxi had wings!

Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower?
A. The green "Welcome" mat is ripped all the shreds.

Q. What's similar about Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and Smart Blondes?
A. They are all make-believe!

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an airplane?
A. The Black Box ALWAYS tells the truth.

Q. What do most blondes have against condoms?
A. Their cheeks!

Q. Why Did The Blonde Have Bruises around Her Navel?
A. Her Boyfriend Was Blonde Too.

Q. What did the blonde say when she opened the box of cheerios?
A. Oh look, daddy...doughnut seeds

Q. Did you hear about the blonde who lost 85% of her brains?
A. Her husband died.

Q. Why can't blondes fart?
A. They don't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

Q. How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
A. Wave.

Q. How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves?
A. She fell out of the tree.

Q. Why do they refer to blondes as "Amazon Women?"
A. Just like the Amazon, blondes are wide at the mouth.

Q. Why do so many blondes dye their hair roots a dark colour?
A. That's to confuse blonde males.

Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. They both drip when they're fucked.

Q. What is a blonde's favourite part of a gas station?
A. The Air Pump!

Q. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A. When you have a patch kit and tire pump to reinflate it!

Q. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A. She got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs to get free and was still stuck.

Q. What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A. Perri-air!

Q. What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A. All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. I hope it's mine!

Q. What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
A. An Interpreter.

Q. Why do blondes write TGIF on their bras?
A. Tits Go In First

Q. What is the best protection against rape?
A. Dye your hair blond - no one "rapes" a blond!

Q. How can you tell a real blond from a fake?
A. Sleep with her!

Q. Why can't blondes use birth control pills?
A. They keep falling out.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde who only smelled good on the right side?
A. She didn't know where to buy left guard.

Q. What do you call a virgin blonde?
A. An ugly 3rd grader.

Q. What do you call a blond driving a car?
A. An Air Bag

Q. What do a Bleached Blonde and a 747 have in common?
A. They both have little Black Boxes

Q. What's the other difference between a Blonde and a 747?
A. A 747 only goes down occasionally where a Blonde...well...

Q. Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A. To keep her neck warm.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.

Q. Why was the blonde delighted when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in 11 months?
A. Because the box said 2 to 4 years.

Q. What do a blonde and a postage stamp have in common?
A. You lick em, you stick em and you send them on their way.

Q. How do you brainwash a Blonde?
A. Give her an enema.

Q. Did you hear about the Blonde who won a gold medal?
A. She was so proud that she had it bronzed.

Q. What job does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A. Proofreading them.

Q. What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A. Branch Manager

Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

Q. Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
A. They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

Q. Why do blondes have more fun?
A. Because they don't know any better.

Q. What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A. "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

Q. How can you tell if a blonde is horny?
A. She'll have a pulse.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde who put a sign on her mouth?
A. It said, "Open 24 hours a day."

Q. What do you say to a blonde woman with no arms and no legs?
A. "Nice tits!"

Q. Why wouldn't the blonde buy Christmas Seals?
A. She didn't know what to feed them.

Q. Why do blondes wear ponytails?
A. To hide the air valve in their neck.

Q. Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A. You can dump your load in it and it won't follow you around for a week!

Q. Did you hear about the blonde car pool?
A. They all meet at work.

Q. How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A. Hide her hairbrush!

Q. What do you call a blonde at the library?
A. Lost!

Q. How can you tell how hard a blonde is concentrating?
A. By the size of the drool puddle on the floor!

Q. What do you call an anorexic blonde with a yeast infection?
A. A quarter pounder with cheese.

Q. Did you hear about the newest blonde invention?
A. A parachute that opens on impact!

Q. How do blondes answer the phone?
A. Can you help me?

Q. What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
A. The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Q. What's black and blue and brown and lying in a ditch?
A. A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.

Q. What sound does a blonde's doorbell make?
A. Bim-Bo.

Q. What do blondes have printed on top of their ladders?
A. Stop.

Q. Why do blondes have a speed limit of 68?
A. At 69 they blow a rod.