DAZZLIN' DEREK'S JOKEPAGE

1. Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?
2. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
3. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole
4. 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
5. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
6. DON'T PISS ME OFF! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
7. You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
8. Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
9. Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
10. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
11. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE, PLANT A MAN
12. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
13. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
14. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
15. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
16. So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
17. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
18. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
19. All men are idiots....I married their king.
20. The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
21. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
22. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
23. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
24. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
25. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
26. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
27. Where there's a will...I want to be in it.
28. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
29. Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it.
30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things got worse.
31. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
32. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
33. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
34. Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your next home.
35. Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
36. Honk If You Want To See My Finger