DAZZLIN' DEREK'S JOKEPAGE

Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. Cover me up I'm goin' in

Q. What does a rattlesnakes and a rubber have in common?
A. I know I don't wanna screw with either one of them.

President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "my people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.
"I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Clinton.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Yeltsin.
"Yes?"
"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin.
"No problem," replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor....you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one.

Q. What do you call a 500 pound woman with a comdom in her hand?
A. A half ton pickup, with a box liner!!

Q. How do you recycle a condom?
A. Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it

Q. What do you call 365 condoms rolled into 1?
A. A Good Year

Q. What do you call grit in a condom?
A. An organ grinder.

Q. Why did the condom fly across the room?
A. Because it got pissed off.

Q. What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
A. They're both filled with stiffs - except one's coming and one's going.