DAZZLIN' DEREK'S JOKEPAGE

15. Talking dirty in bed means shouting obscenities when he hogs the blanket.
14. Chivalry's as dead as the door he lets slam in your face.
13. PMS lasts all month
12. Your jumbo box of absorbent maxi-pads is on open display.
11. "Honey, what are you thinking?" is now "Are you finished yet?!"
10. He yawns when you bitch about that guy hitting on you at work.
9. Dildos, S & M, menage ... anything to break the monotony.
8. You used to walk hand in hand, now you run to keep up.
7. Those frilly, lacy, tiny panties have become way too uncomfortable.
6. Two weeks no orgasm.
5. Three weeks no orgasm ... and you still don't miss it.
4. When he lends you five bucks, he expects it back.
3. You'd rather spend quality time with your vibrator.
2. The way he breathes is getting on your nerves.

And the number one answer:
1. You let one rip in your sleep and don't care if he hears.