DAZZLIN' DEREK'S JOKEPAGE

There once was a writer named Mark,
Who encountered a cunt in the dark.
He said, "Now, by thunder,
It's a natural wonder
I declare this a National Park!"

There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be Couth
He added some Vermouth
And slipped his chick a Martini!

Old mother Hubbard,
Went to the cupboard,
To get her old dog a bone.
When she bent over,
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own

There was a young lady named Hitchin
Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen.
Her mother said, "Rose,
It's the crabs, I suppose."
She said, "Yes, and the buggers are itchin'."

Old Mother Hubbard
Was found in her cupboard,
Her flesh eaten
Through to the bone.
When they discovered
Old Father Hubbard
'Said, "Bitch wouldn't"
"Leave me alone."

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing
Jack made a pass,
and grabbed her ass
And now two of his teeth are missing.

There once was a fellow named Perkin
Who always was jerkin' his gherkin
His mother said, "Perkin,
Stop jerkin' your gherkin
Your gherkin's for ferkin' not jerkin'."

There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."

There once was a Queen of Bulgaria
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
Till a Prince from Peru,
Who came for a screw,
Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.

There once was a young man named Gene
Who invented a screwing machine.
Concave and convex
It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.
A Broke Western Bar Owner, Mull,
Just Changed His Mechanical Bull
From A Bucking Machine
To A F***ing Machine,
And Now Every Night, He's Full.

A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd "just take a chance."
She let herself go
For an hour or so
And now all her sisters are aunts.

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef.
This little piggy had none.
This little piggy went wee, wee, wee and bought some Depends disposable undergarments to solve that problem.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin as he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it

Peter, Peter wife beater
Had a wife and used to beat her,
'Till she shot him with a shot gun shell,
And sent that bastard straight to hell.
Then she sold the movie rights.
It's now a mini series on Tuesday nights.

There once was a young man from Belair
Who loved to fuck on the stair
On the sixty-ninth stroke
The bannister broke
and he finished her up in the air

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack jumped over the candle stick,
And burned his dick.

There once was a young man from Peru
Who slept all night in a canoe
He dreamt about Venice
and played with his Penis
and woke up with a hand full of goo

Hickory Dickory Clock
Some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I blew my goo
Dropped the bitch off at the next block

There was a young girl from Kew
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin
If they pay to get in
"They can pay to get out of it too!"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall ,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
And his winter wasn't bad either.

There was a young sailor from Brighton
Who said to his girl, "You're a tight 'un."
She replied, " 'Pon my soul,
You're in the wrong hole.
There's plenty of room in the right 'un."

Mary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
So she is suing the test tube lab.

There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her twat in the kitchen.
Her mother said, "Rose,
you’ve got crabs I suppose."
She said, "Yes and those fuckers are itchin’!"

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bare,
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,
Fuzzy Wuzzy was arrested for indecent exposure and is now serving time in the state pen.

Little boy blue
He needed the money

Mary, Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow,
Spraying pesticides and herbicides all down the row?