Welcome to Love Letters: A True Story! Within these pages you will find heartwarming stories of lost loves, found loves, destined loves, reunited loves and an occassional tale of domestic homicide. They will inspire you, warm your heart, and possibly even touch you in such a way that you will be forever emotionally damaged. The stories found here are amazing in themselves, but the icing on the cake is that they are all true! So if you're in the mood for true stories that reak of soulful love, continue reading! We begin with the story of Mikail and Etiwanda; Mikail a foreign exchange student from the former Soviet Union studying Agriculture in Texas, and Etiwanda, the caustic prostitute he met in Dallas, now imprisoned on child endangerment charges...
It be now four months since lastly we having lay together in my bed. Every night I still looking at these empty bed and myself wondering when I can beginning to holding you in my arms. At night I fall asleep cradling the expicit poloraid you have sended to me. Please write back, Etiwanda, I longing to hear your thoughts.
Oooh baby, I wish I was there wit'chu. I'd rub my tities allup in yo face an' spank yo ass like a little baby's. Looks like there's no way that can happen. Unless, baby, could you pay my bail? It's $3500. Make the check payable to
P.O. Box 8817
Peyton, Texas 44876-8817
P.S. Hurry up.
How I long for you and your glowing, ashy skin. I can not sleeping at nights, wondering how to I can find the $3500 needed to set our love aflame again. But fear not, my love, for I know in my heart that we will be again together. I can not standing to be without your presence.
Your devoted Mikail
Is yo name Mikail? I thought it wuz Nichol. Weren't you that Russian guy over at A & M? Don'tchu get tuition funds or loans or some shit like that? Don't be playin' me! Bust that check on ova he'ea. Tha's $3500. Make the check payable to:
P.O. Box 8817
Peyton, Texas 44876-8817
With much concern over my future, I have cashed my tuition check for $4000 and stand here, clutching it with much anticipation for your release. I've only to send it now...I just...I don't know what will become of my educationary processes...I...I'm screwed. Nevertheless, Oh, to experience once again your "Vegas-Twist" is worth every penny I have own. Please excusing my ramblings and incoherentness, I tremble with the thought of our unification...and my trashed future.
Mikail Ashenhov
Inmate #772 has been moved to an Isolation chamber due to an incident involving 13 others. Outside correspondent priveleges with inmate #772 have been revoked, and will be further reviewed pending investigation. If you have received this notification in error please disregard this letter.
Okay, okay, so that wasn't the greatest set of letters we could've started with. In fact, you're probably thinking it was pretty darn bad. Well then-- you're an asshole. Let's move on to the next set of Love Letters, and I promise you these will be of such great magnitude there won't be a dry eye in the house. Just don't be an asshole again.Now, as we begin our ventures into the next set of letters, I ask you, what could be more precious than puppy-love? That's right-- Bondage.
But our next adventure takes us into the hearts of the purest of puppy-loves with a sweet exchange between two 10 year-olds, yearning to hold on to a childhood crush. Lucie and Diamond Bill are two children who met at Camp Cooclucksklan a few summers ago, and have decided to try a long distance relationship through letters, not knowing that they actually live only two houses down from each other. Come...Let's open their letters...
Hi! It's me, Diamond Bill! Right now I'm in the car leaving Camp Cooclucksklan! I decIded to wRite to yoo riTe away even thO my mom saYs thAts codEpenDent! Ooh, we just paSsed a carnival! EvEn tho thAt oNe time i got secOnd deGree buRns, i rilly had Fun aT kamP!! Did yoo? Im going to slEEp
from diamonD Bill
Hi! Its Diamond Bill again! We jUst cAme hOme right noW from the Camp and iTs 6 oclock. GUess wHat? Im writing this lEttEr whIle hiding under my bed!! I started too write tHIs at tHe diNNer taBle and mY mOmmy started to yell aT me fOr wRiting tOo much! mY dAd caLLed me a little pUSSy!! i toLd them yOO di'nt mind, buT thEy di'nt cAre! Oh! my daddy just called mE to diNNer! wRite me back, oKay?? bYe!
from dIamOnd bIll
I just fiNished eating diNNer. actually, I just brought my plate to my rOOM. its so funny tho, as I was coming uP the sTaiRs my dAd was all, "Don't be writin' no more fuckin' letters!" heehee jokes on hIm! Uh-Oh!! someones coming!! gotta go! bYee!
from diAmond biLL
soRRy I couldnt write to yoo for sO long. mY dad came to my rOOm and wouldnt leAve for like an hour!! anyway he was all teLLing me about hOw i should give you space oR something and thAt i shouLdnt boTHer yoo too much. i guess hes right tho. i'll wait for Yoo to rite mE back nOw. I gotta go bRush mY tEEth!! bYeee!
from diamond bIll
Im writing thIs leTTer juSt to sEE what it wiLL look like when Lucy writes to me.
from diamond biLL
Hi!! Its Diamond Bill again!! I know I said I would wAit fOr yoo to wRite me bUt I had to teLL yoo the gOOd newS! mY mOm came in to sAy gOOd nite and then sHe sAw me wRiting that phony leTTer to myself and then sHe weNt to teLL my dAd and thEn hE yeLLed at me for a while and tHEn he wEnt to slEEp and then I got his gun and sHot him
from diAmond biLL
Wow, evErYtHing is sO crAzy riTe now AAHH!! THE COPS!!! THE COPS!!! GET OFF ME!! GET OFF ME!!! AHHH!!
...And that's all from little Lucie and Diamond Bill. Really touches your heart, doesn't it. Hey-- don't be an asshole again, remember? Anyways, that's all for this edition of Love Letters: A True Story! If you want to see more true-life tales of loves and losses, go write 'em yourself
Email: oh.charles@worldnet.att.net
