Rumors are surfacing about a possible position for actor Bruce Campbell in President-elect Bush's Cabinate. In an effort to beef up his White house team we've learned that Bush will be nominating Bruce Campbell, best known for his chainsaw toting antics as the smartmouthed anti-hero Ash in the cult favorite Evil Dead films, for the postion of Secretary of Defense. President-elect Bush was not available for comment at the time of our deadline, but we caught up with Mr. Campbell in his trailer on the set of his Fox television show "Jack of all Trades".
DSC:" Bruce. May I call you Bruce?"
Bruce:" No, and would you mind loosing this tape around my arms a little? It's starting to cut off circulation."
DSC:"oh, sure."
Bruce:" Thank you that's much better."
DSC:" Bruce has the President-elect formally contacted you yet?"
Bruce:" No he hasn't, and if this is about my new game I can't find the damn shotgun either."
DSC:"No, nothing like that."
Bruce:" Wait a minute,you're not one of those my child went out and cut his hand off and tried to put a power tool in it's place and went on a killing spree spanning 5 states because he watched your movies are you?"
DSC:" No. Why do you get a lot of those?"
Bruce:" More than you'd imagine."
DSC:" Actually I'm hear because of the rumors that you'll be filling the spot of Secretary of Defense for the Bush/Cheney administraion."
Bruce:" Hey I've really got to pee. Do you think you could untie me?"
DSC:" Did he tell you not to talk to the press about it?"
Bruce:" I'm not kidding I think I'm going to piss myself here."
DSC:" What will be your first order of business as the new Secretary of Defense?"
Bruce:" Besides hunting you down and beating the ever living shit out of you for tying me up in my trailer?"
DSC:" Is this a bad time?"
Security guard:"Are you alright in their Mr. Campbell?"
Bruce:" No I'm not alright, some wacko's tied me up in my lazy boy and I've got to piss like a fucking madman!"
rattle rattle rattle
DSC:" Just one more question Bruce. How do you feel about being the new Secretary of Defense?"
Bruce:" Groovy"
