PUNK ROCK “BLAH BLAH”
Ok, before I start ranting and raving about punk rock and all the mindless yuppies in the scene today, I’d like to say that I am honored to have a column here on this Web Zine. When I first visited this little Web Zine, I was more than happy. It dealt not with the extremely retarded “punk rock politics” that many Zines ( especially Maximum Rock N roll) deal with today. There’s nouthing I hate worse than a bunch of young saps with mohawks trying to inform me about the extreme amount of poverty going on in the inner city... or whatever those kids are bitching and moaning about now days. I was more than pleased when I read the music reviews, and saw that great bands like the Mopes and the Lillingtons and the Teen Idols got great reviews. Obviously this guy knows what he’s talking about. Well, he DID give Anti- Flag a good review which I wasn’t to thrilled about but I’ll let that slide because he has more good points than bad. After previewing the Zine, I decided that I, yes I wanted to write columns for this remarkable piece of work. I thought that anyone who had the good sense to read such a Zine, would actually agree with things that I say in my columns. After all, people who admire my opinions are the smart ones.
So now that I have acknowledged that it is a pleasure writing for this Zine, let me begin my column on... you got it... punk rock, and what I think of the kids in the scene today... well, most of the kids anyway. Has anyone besides me realized that the word “punk” is now commonly used as a fashion term? I actually saw an article in a magazine talking about the new “punk style” and how it was becoming a “new thing”. I was completely disgusted. What ever happened to the good old days when you didn’t have to have a mohawk to be punk rock. When did it become “punk rock” to spend eight hours EACH DAY for a month, putting spikes and studs on your leather jacket and decorating the poor thing like a Christmas tree? I’m sorry, but to me, any moron who will actualy go to such extremes to be “punk rock” (including spending insane amounts of money on spiked bracelets etc etc etc) is no “Punk”. Right now almost eveyone reading this is cursing my very name, and preparing your insults that I am sure will appear in my E-Mail box sometime soon, but all I can say is... “ Cool it cry baby and hear me out.” Every body now days thinks that in order to be “ the punkest of the punk” you have to look like some sort of circus freak. Kids in the scene today are pretending to be homeless, yet spending their days at the mall, using the money that their over protecting folks gave to them, to buy some new “punk rock” trend. I don’t get it. Kids now days are just complete idiots. It breaks down like this. Kids now days think that to be a “true punk”, you have to wear these badges of “punk rock honor”. 1. You MUST do something crazy with your hair. The crazier the better. Spike it up, add loads of gel, spend an hour preparing your goddamn hair for the fucking show. 2. If you own a leather jacket, it must be decked out with spikes, studs, crappy political artwork and names of horrible crust punk bands crudely painted all over the poor thing. 3. You must go against every form of governemt (especially America) because the “punk thing” is to be an Anarchist. When questioned and asked to give an INTELLIGENT ANSWER about why you hate America, and “live for Anarchy”, simply scowl and flick everyone off and walk away. 5. If your folks are being to nice to you, and showing there love a little to much, run away and plead that your mom kicked you out of the house because of your mohawk. Living under a bridge and sparing for change is “the punk thing”. 6. Only listen to bands that scream and yell about political issues that they REALLY know nouthing about. Those bands are “Punk”.
Now can anyone tell me WHY the kids today have chosen to act like such ignorant little assholes? I really can’t explain it myself. There exuse is, “ I’m punk rock”. When will they learn? Seeing as how the first punk rock band EVER (The Ramones in 1974) didn’t need mohawks, spikes, political cry baby songs etc etc, then I don’t think such things should be associated with punk rock. Don’t get me wrong, if your into politics and you actually know what your talking about, then fine I could give a rats ass. But these kids rant and rave, but only ignorant bullshit emerges from their foul mouths. If you want a mohawk and a studded jacket, be my guest, but under no circumstances should you say it makes you a “Punk rocker”. I don’t get into poloitcs because I find it boring. I don’t have a mohawk because I choose to not spend an hour and a half out of my day fixing my “punk rock” hair. All I can say to these kids is, throw away all your hair gel, loose the attitude, sell all your little Crass records, and your Exploited records, and all your little bullshit Brit punk crap, and buy some good records. Get into the Ramones. The very first punk rock band. Started in 1974 BEFORE the retarded British punk thing in 76/77. Stop claiming to be “un-American” until you have an educated argument for being un-American. Don’t just bash the best country in the world because you think it is “punk rock”. It may have it’s faults but it beats Cuba, or wherever the hell else you think is better.
Does it aggrivate anyone else besides me that every time you go to a show, some air headed punker is parading around shouting “oi” and babbling about crappy bands from England. I’m sorry but the fact of the matter is, England has only produced ONE good band. Not just one good “punk” band, but one good band in general. I’m talking about the Sex Pistols. Sure, the Clash had a few good tunes but as a majority the band sucked. The Sex Pistols were in fact a good band. It’s sad though how when little crust punks hear Johnny shout “ Anarchy in the Uk,” they immidiatly think he means “ Oi, lets kill the government because we are punk and hate everyting” The fact is, when Johnny used the word “ Anarchy”, he meant anarchy through music. He did in fact love his country, and had no intentions to “ Take the governement down”. Some of you are asking, “ what the hell is anarchy through music?” It means just going fucking crazy and having no rules with your music. Being as fucking wild and crazy at a show as you wanted to. Getting the energy level to exceed the maximum. Not burning flags because you want to be "punk rock" or any stupid shit like that. That’s just rebellion without a cause, and rebellion without a cause is bullshit.
Would anyone like to tell me when punk rock shows became a sort of football practice for everyone? Your all asking, “what does that mean?” It means, since when do kids feel the need to go “Moshing” and purposely trying to “out bash” the other, leaving some people hurt. That takes all the fun away from it. Punk rock shows used to be about having fun dancing around like a retard, not bashing the shit out of each other. That’s just bullshit. Get rid of the moshing, and just dance around like an idiot and have fun. I know that all of you right now are whinning and sneering, thinking to yourselves “ what an asshole”, “this guy is just trying to be mr punk rock” etc etc etc etc. The fact is that NO I am in no way trying to come up with rules of “Punk rock”. If you want the mohawk, and the studs and you enjoy moshing well then be my guest. Your still an idiot though.
Has anyone noticed that now days, baggy pants are sneaking their way into the punk fashion? I don’t get it. Why would anyone want to wear pants, with sixty inch legs on them. You could shelter the homeless in pants like those. It’s ridiculous. In my opinion, only normal jeans should be aloud. No loose fit, or baggy bullshit. Just regular fucking jeans. And they can only be Levis by the way. Don’t ask me why, that’s just how it is. Also, while we are on the subject of clothes that are aloud and clothes that are not aloud, let me bring up the topic of shoes. Please for godssake loose the thirty holed doc fucking martens that everyone has now days. I hate those things emensley. If your going to wear boots, they can’t be doc martens, and they can’t extend up to your knee for Christs sake. Other than that, only Converse Chuck taylor All Stars are aloud. Sorry, I didn’t make that rule but I have to enforce it unfortunately. Then theres the leather jacket issue. I strongly suggest getting a leather jacket, but please don’t put the studs and other related “punk rock” items all over it. And you must always wear it proudly. Shit, I wear mine all fucking year and I live in Texas. That’s really all you need. No spikes or studs or huge chains or piercings all over your face. Just keep it simple people please.
Ok so here is an overview of this column. Things you should probably avoid are, spikes, mohawks, and horrible crust punk music, AND leather jackets that look like Christmas trees. You should be ok if you hang on to that info kids.
Let me just end this column by saying, “ I’m not trying to tell you what to do, and I’m not trying to sound like some President of Punk Rock by telling you whats “punk” and what’s “not punk”. I’m just trying to weed out the twits from the real deal. Just trying to seperate the fakes from the real punks. That’s right... I said “ REAL “ punks so stop crying about it. Of course I will probably get loads of hate mail after this but oh well. The kids who get it will realize my intentions and save their hate mail for members of the Exploited or some other retarded band. So thanks for reading kids, I know it’s been long. Before I go, here is a short list of great bands to check out. The Ramones ( greatest band ever), The Misfts (old stuff AND new stuff, BOTH are extremely great no matter what the twits say), The Queers, The Dead Kennedies, Screeching Weasel, Teen Idols, Lillingtons, Riverdales, Green day, Gotohells, Sweet Baby, Mr T Experience, The Mopes, KISS, AC/DC, Social Distortion, Common Rider.... and goddamit theres more but I’ll save all that for another column I’m thinking of writing entitled, “ The only good bands in punk rock”. That way you can get the scoop on who’s hot and who’s not kids. Alright that’s it.
Cheers, Damian Outstanding.....