So here we are again. All right kiddies it's that time again, time to listen to all my strange thoughts and stories for this month! Now ladies, please. Your killing me. Why do you have to do that? I don't get it. What you ask, wear those stupid fucking bandanas! I mean c'mon! Who told you that you look cool or hot in them? Was it Ani Difranco? I guess it's just taste but I can't stand girls who wear them. Do you feel liberated by wearing them or are you just too lazy to do your hair? Regardless, they have to go. Bye bye, adios. That's just something that has bothered me lately. Mostly because I saw this incredibly cute girl at my work(my girlfriend inforces the look-don't-touch policy) and then I saw her a few times that week and one day she wore a bandana and I was totally not attracted to her just because of a small piece of cloth. Petty, yes, but I'm a male. I'm not saying she wasn't cute, I'm just saying with that bandana on, I was not attracted to her. That'll do it on that rant.

Well sorry folks, I know you'll be disappointed that I'm not going to give a musician's tip this column. All I can say is that DO NOT buy Epiphone guitars. They suck, fall apart and can't keep tune. The hollowbodies are ok, but I can't stand their guitars. Let's talk about music a bit though. We had a strange year. Lots of newcomers. But the greatest thing this year is Tim of Mutant Pop's hairbrained scheme of the Short Run Cd Series. This is pure genious! For those who don't know the Short Run cd series is geared for smaller bands that Timbo(head of Mutant Pop records) likes and wants to put out in a small budget cd. The series run in packs of 12 and Tim also offers a subscription for each series. It really is quite a great idea. (for more info go to: http://members.aol.com/MutantPop) and in news, the Juvenile Wreck short run will be out shortly. Maybe a month or so. We are grouped with 2 stellar bands, the Connie Dungs and the Mixelpricks. This is neat but kind of disappointing because I really wanted to be grouped with our buds the Klopecs. Oh well. Also! The Wanna Bes finished their record! I'm so excited. This record will/should make everyone's albums of 2000. If you haven't heard them check out their 7" on Mutant Pop and look out for the full length on Mutant Pop too.

Television, Television!(you must imagine that Bad religion song when reading that).
After a sorda under par start, the Simpsons are finally reaching their normal status. With Bart's orange sized testes and Gary Coleman on this season, it's shaping to be a great season. Notable shows right now are Win Ben Stein's Money and the Man Show as well. But god has finally placed a reason to live upon us. Comedy Central is now showing the old episodes of Whose Line is it Anyway? Fuck I love this show! For those who have only seen the new ones, you're missing out! The old episodes are so much better and funnier than anything that fat tub of shit Drew Carey could do. He's just bad at that show. His sitcom is funny(even though it's really the supporting cast that make the show, except I hate that Mimi bitch).

So anyway, as some of you know I work at a grocery store. This store is an equal opportunity employer, so we get mental deficient people hired there(ok, since I'm nice to them and give them break money, I get to call them retards). we used to have 2, Galen and B.j. These guys are characters. So every Thursday our deli cooks up a hot batch of Hunan Chicken, you know that super spicy chinese chicken. galen and B.j. go nuts for it. They show up at work around 7, and have break at 9. They both get heaping plates of the Hunan chicken. Now, as Galen has told me, the Hunan chicken gives him and B.j. super powers. Just one powerful bite magically turns them into super heroes. So with a plate full of hunan their stomachs they set out on the adventure to "fly" around the store. With their aprins placed appropriately on their foreheads they run around the store and yell Hunan! every 1/2 sec. This is hilarious. But after about an hour of flying they settle down and to celebrate their superhero-dom, they end the festivities with a shit in the bathroom. But they don't just shit, they shit in their hands and smear it on the walls of the stall. With out fail. I'm dead serious! It's disgusting but a good hour of fun. I usually didn't catch it and it doesn't happen anymore. B.j. left to work at Sonic and Galen still works there but has toned down.

But the Galen Saga doesn't end there. My brother used to know a guy who worked at Suncoast movies. It's a place to buy movies. And as anyone who knows Galen knows, he loves movies and frequents Suncoast. So Galen strolls in one day and Jared and Galen exchange hellos. Jared fully knowing who Galen is, leaves him alone to browse. So Galen bends down in the catcher position to look at a movie on the bottom rack. Jared disregards it. 20 minutes pass and Galen is still in the exact same place. Jared knowing about Galen being retarded, still ignored it. Finally after almost an hour, Galen is still sitting in the same place so Jared walks up to him and says,

"Hey buddy, you've been looking there for a while, you see anything you like?
Galen retorts, "Jared.....I shit my pants!" Galen begins to tear up. Jared flips out and tells him to go to a nearby bathroom. Galen refuses and stays there. Jared is then forced to drag Galen, shit in his pants and all to the bathroom where he leaves him. After about 2 of these incidents, Galen is now banned from Suncoast. That's a great story. I know it's not nice to make fun of him but hey, I guess I'm mean.

Well I was going to admit something, but I might save it for later. I'm going to end this while it's still good. I mean a rant on bandanas, a few retard stories, it's been pretty good. As always, you can e-mail me at DDRamone27@aol.com or Mike_Disorder@hotmail.com. Thanks to Todd for letting me do this. I wanna hear from you folks! So write me. And on a side note, my top ten albums of 99:
Top 10 albums of 99
1. Ramones-Anthology (kinda cheating)
2. Teen Idols-Pucker Up!
3. Screeching Weasel-EMO
4. Swingin Utters-Brazen Head EP
5. Common Rider-Last Wave Rockers
6. the Get Up Kids-Something to Write Home About
7. Main Street Saints-Everyone wants to go to Heaven, but No one Wants to Die
8. Moral Crux-re-issues
9. Lillingtons-Death by Television
10. Darlington-Mess You Up

Check yo self, before you wreck yourself,
Mike Disorder

Editor's Note: Mike forgot to include this tidbit of info, which everyone should know, so he asked me to let you guys in on it: The Mopes "Accident Waiting to Happen" was the best album of 99. He's on to something here.