Ok, for this interview i strayed from my usual witty leading questions survey fill out answer thingee....and did an interview over IM. it happened really spur of the moment, and i figured the artistic integrity would be greater if i left it in it's original form. (read: i am lazy) So, without further ado, my interview with NERD tIM.

O9mm11: ok nerd tim. get ready. i'm in the mood.
NERD tIM: fer what?
NERD tIM: ewewwwww
NERD tIM: pervert
O9mm11: yer about to get interviewed.
NERD tIM: oh, ok, i thought you were gonna do something dirty
O9mm11: no, im a pure journalist here...i save that shit for America Online
NERD tIM: um, ok?
O9mm11: so, mr. Nerd (or do you prefer mr. tim, either is fine)
O9mm11: how did you come across this name?
NERD tIM: my friend jerry gave it to me in high school, he had two friends named tim and to explain to his parents which one he was going to do something with i was NERD tIM and the other was fat tim
O9mm11: i see
O9mm11: but you are not fat?
O9mm11: you are the nerd one
NERD tIM: no, i am a nerd
O9mm11: i had the same problem accually...i had a shitload of friends named josh, but we just did a jock-copout and started calling them all by the last names.
O9mm11: does calling people by their last names bother you, mr. nerd tim?
NERD tIM: from time to time, yes, only if it is abused, or they have a really stupid last name
O9mm11: do you think it is justifiable to start calling someone "coach" if they call you by your last name?
NERD tIM: i think it should be mandatory all coach's should just be refered to as "mr. no neck"
O9mm11: what if the couch is frail, thin, and has a huge neck?
O9mm11: would you still call him "mr no neck"
O9mm11: if at least for irony's sake?
O9mm11: like calling a doberman pincher "muffin"?
NERD tIM: ok, so we'll change it to mandatory calling coaches "mr. dick head". is that more sufficient?
O9mm11: i suppose it could be.
O9mm11: are you getting testy? is this too controversial for you?
NERD tIM: no, not at all, controversy is my middle name
NERD tIM: well, actually its garland
O9mm11: ok good, cause we are about to make fun of people who have little to no grasp of the english language.
NERD tIM: like myself?
O9mm11: what i am going to do is this:
i am going to give you 3 phrases....you tell me which is the funniest due to it's horrendous use of the english language.
NERD tIM: ok!
O9mm11: ok, here goes:
O9mm11: number 1: "My intrest is musics. I liek listen with my 'Chesney Hawks' tapes. is good english singer liek Mr Cliff Richard. "
NERD tIM: number two?
O9mm11: number 2: "I live alone. Who is want to come to Tokyo. Have extra bedroom my house."
O9mm11: and number 3: "My other intrests includes milk produckts. chesees, youghurt, ect...also naked womens. Maybe combine both!!!!! hohoho!!! Also i liek beers. I liek SEX"
O9mm11: and before you answer
O9mm11: know this: i copied and pasted exactly, and yes that IS how he spelled it.
NERD tIM: ok, also before i answer, thats sad
O9mm11: yes it is.
NERD tIM: number one is funnies due to use of improper english, number three is funniest for other reasons, and number two is creepy
O9mm11: so you pick numbers one and 3?
NERD tIM: yes
NERD tIM: yes i do
O9mm11: well, hitoshi would like you to know that "Yo I am cool dude man."
NERD tIM: i would have to disagree with him
O9mm11: so would i.,
O9mm11: he plays baseball and drinks 3-4 pints of milk a day.
O9mm11: which would make any normal person puke.
O9mm11: anyways, on to the next question
NERD tIM: yes mon capitan?
O9mm11: Which sport do you think is the stupidest, and WHY
NERD tIM: hmmm, wrestling, its not particularly stupidest, just the most annoying at this current point in time, its highly over rated. plus its not nearly as macho as people would like to think it is. i mean, two guys, tight clothes? i find something highly homo erotic about that
O9mm11: good point...
NERD tIM: i thought so, yes
O9mm11: how do you feel about the "Hulka" character on the screeching weasel message board?
NERD tIM: i think he is one of the funniest fuckers there
O9mm11: really? the only post that really made me laugh out loud was the one about beating zelda 64 O9mm11: that one was hilarious
O9mm11: do you think he is a puppet or a real guy?
NERD tIM: i dont know, i waver on this, i often think "which one of these morons is pulling this off on us?" if i had to pick it being anyone, i'd have to say Todd A, because Hulka seems really nice to him, quite flattering as well
O9mm11: yea, i figured if he is accually a puppet, it would be Todd A's... O9mm11: his are always the best.
NERD tIM: i've never witnessed any todd a people
NERD tIM: or puppets rather
O9mm11: But anyway, a very tiny amount of people have any clue what we are talking about now so in the interest of keeping it interesting we'll discuss this again later..
O9mm11: on to the next, and final question for this interview. Mr. Nerd Tim, are you ready?
NERD tIM: ummmmm, yes?
O9mm11: ok, tim of nerd, my question is this:
O9mm11: in what............WAY.....do you consider yourself.......a human?
O9mm11: nevermind, scratch that.
O9mm11: that question sucked.
NERD tIM: yeah, that confused me
O9mm11: let's talk masturbation.
NERD tIM: yeah!!!!!!!!!!
O9mm11: what's yer favorite technique?
NERD tIM: hmmmmm, theres more than one?
O9mm11: well, i read this one kid from the message board's page he had up about masturbation...he had a big list of em...
O9mm11: i prefer the "normal" method myself....
O9mm11: but that's neither hear nor there. you're the one in the spotlight here, tim.
NERD tIM: i guess normal, or perhaps with a thumb up my ass
NERD tIM: i probably shouldn't have said that
O9mm11: probably not.
NERD tIM: i dont really put stuff up my butt, just to clear things up
O9mm11: haha.
O9mm11: good thing you cleared that up.
NERD tIM: i don't i swear!
O9mm11: what do you normally think about on the rare occasion you stick things up your butt to help you along?
NERD tIM: i dont stick things up my butt
O9mm11: ok, fair enough.
NERD tIM: damn it!!!!!!!! i dont
O9mm11: what do you think about the rest of the time?
NERD tIM: you, todd, i think of you
NERD tIM: yet another thing i shouldnt have said
O9mm11: no, you should say that
O9mm11: hehe
NERD tIM: you're sick
O9mm11: Well tim, the time is closing down i fear,
NERD tIM: darn!
O9mm11: either that or im pretty sure by this point we will have lost our readers, SO if you want to say anything of pure wisdom or controversy, say it now, i will put it in bold so the readers eyes will be drawn RIGHT to it, this is your shining moment tim, what are your final words?
NERD tIM: hmmmmm, EAT SHIT AND DIE. mollie is beautiful, and NERD tIM IS GOD
O9mm11: brilliant tim, brilliant
NERD tIM: i thought so, yes
O9mm11: and one last last thing....do you have anything to promote?
NERD tIM: hmmmmm, not as of right now, but if anyone would like, i'm trying to move, so you can send me money
O9mm11: they can email you for the address, correct?
NERD tIM: nerdtim@hotmail.com
NERD tIM: only serious people need bother
O9mm11: awesome, thank you tim for sitting down (figurativeally speaking, of course) and letting me interview you!
NERD tIM: actually i am sitting, and you are more than welcome, anytime

On a final note, let me state that tIM does NOT infact stick things up his butt while jerking off, i DO believe him. That was just my journalistic tendacies trying to dig up dirt and controversy, ya know? See ya next time, jerky... XOXO Todd.