"Gimme a D! Gimme a Y! Gimme a K! Gimme an E! Gimme an S! What's that spell? DYKES! DYKES! DYKES! go DYKES go!" The Antioch Girl's Rugby Team is playing their first and only game against Wittenberg University, because no one else will play them. They aren't considered a "real team". Before this story goes on, a little background information is in order. Antioch College is a university in Yellow Springs Ohio. Yellow Springs is a bit of a "hippy" town. The school is mostly an artsy fartsy type school, the place where the anti-sports artistic creative "wierdos" all go to college and live together and stuff. It's quite a nice place and I enjoy hanging out there with my friend Kristin (she's a music theory major from Maryland and pretty cute to boot. That has nothing to do with this story.). The school has quite a big gay community, and most of the team were pretty butch lesbians or at least looked pretty damn butch. I wouldn't fuck with this team. Anyways, the entire concept of this school having a sports team of any sort is pretty funny, though half the damn school came out for this game (compared to the 15 or so Wittenberg fans that showed up). So the game gets underway. The Antioch Radicals get on the field, and out struts the prissy ass conservative Christian Wittenberg WHATEVERS in their stupid ass striped costumes. At least my team looked GOOD. (yea, I don't go to Antioch but I'm on their side anyway...fuck off!). The game gets underway. These girls are VIOLENT. I hear someone on the Antioch side yell "KILL MAIM DESTROY!". We have a shirtless guy with an A on his chest and red vinyl pants. Cheerleaders. The whole nine yards. It's beautiful. We are being so rowdy I think the people running the game are considering this a disgrace to rugby.

And now the half time show. The "cheerleaders" are trying to get the crowd stoked for something. I can't really hear her over the roar of the crowd but finally her voice comes though: "Let's rush the field!". Oh shit. Yes. Half of the crowd goes running, dancing, prancing, skipping, and singing onto the field. They return and I look to other side of the field at about 15 heads shaking side to side and some of the heads getting nearer to each other, most likely whispering, and pointing at some of the people coming off the field. Fuck yea. This is funny as hell. Cold as hell too, but it was worth it. The game gets underway again, and shortly into the second half one of our girls is injured. Motherfuckers. We're damn near to rushing the field again ripping the arms off of the prissy bitch that hurt poor number 15. Right about this time my bladder starting yelling at me to empty it before something embarrassing happened, so I politely excused myself to the nearest store with a pisser. The street was a real pain in the ass to cross, and frankly I'm surprised I made it at all. I walk into the Burger King across the street from the field, into the bathroom, and I take a piss. Sorry, nothing too interesting here. Well, there was a shortage of towels so I dried my hands on my pants. There ya go, instant sensationalism. As I'm walking back to the field I hear one of the loudest crowd rumbles I've ever heard. I get back and ask Kristin what I missed and she told me 4 Antioch students just ran onto the field. "So?" I say. "2 guys were naked, and 2 girls were topless." Oh. Shit. Yes. I'm wishing I hadn't gone pee now. I would've loved to see the looks on the other side's faces. Seriously, I just wanted to see their faces. Moving on…

So I'm there and the game is winding down. The Wittenberg Prissy Bitches beat us. 3-0 or however the hell you score in rugby, they got 3 goals and we got 0. Poor number 15 ended up breaking her collarbone. I repeat: motherfuckers. The crowd ran out onto the field like we were victorious anyway. In a way we were. We showed that yes indeed, even arty wierdos can enjoy organized sports. And we proved large amounts of arty wierdos can scared the shit out of uptight conservative Christian prissy bitches. And as we were walking off the field I felt confident that the people at this school wouldn't stop talking about this match for weeks, months, possibly even years. Maybe this would become the new scary tale to tell your children to get them to go to sleep. "Go to sleep, eat yer vegetables, and don't talk back….or you'll play the ANTIOCH WOMEN'S RUGBY TEAM!" "NO!! OK, I'll do all that…anything but the Antioch Women's Rugby Team!" And maybe, yes, I take things too far. Sue me. Nah, scratch that. Kiss my ass. Motherfucker.