Jordan tossed the twisted covers off and opened her eyes in the darkness of the hotel room. She glanced over at the clock next to her and sighed as she read the bright digital numbers. "Five o'clock?!" she rolled over, turning away from the clock that she had been staring at for hours. The scene from the lobby replayed through her mind as she struggled to push Justin's facial expression out of her thoughts. She couldn't seem to forget the immense hurt in his eyes before he turned, walking away from her. 'Stop it Jordan, you're making yourself sick over nothing. He hurt you first...' she tried valiantly to convince herself, but couldn't rid the guilt from her conscience.
Jordan groaned and got up out of bed, wandering into the living area of the suite she shared with her groupmates. Flipping on the lamp, she sat down gingerly at the table as she reached for her backpack, and after digging around inside, her tanned hand emerged holding three folded letters. Leaning against the plush backing of the chair, she skimmed over the contents of each letter, her tired face expressionless. After finishing the third letter, she sat still for a moment before taking a deep breath and grabbing a pad of the hotel paper that was laying nearby.
"...Ya know, it's strange. I never thought that you would try to contact me...although I wanted you to, I was almost desperate for you to write me or call. You have no idea how many times I have had to make excuses as to why I look nothing like my sisters. Not knowing you has been one of the hardest things...you don't know what it's like when you grow up realizing your own father doesn't want anything to do with you. But now, I am doing something that makes me happier than I have ever been...and right when things are going perfectly, you step in. After nineteen years, you think NOW is the time for you to get to know me. Do you know how unbelievably SELFISH you are? You took off and LEFT my mother when I was only two days old, never interested in knowing anything about me as I grew up. No letter, no birthday cards, no phone calls, no pictures...nothing. Do you know how much it bothered me to think that I could walk past my own FATHER on the streets and not even know that it's him? To be honest...I would like to get together with you, for one simple reason...and that reason is for you to see what you missed out on...." Jordan wrote carefully, still trying to keep Justin's hurt expression out of her mind.
***
As the clock ticked loudly, Justin moaned slightly and rolled onto his back as he lay awake in the uncomfortable hotel bed. He glanced over at JC who was sleeping soundly on the other queen sized bed in the room they shared in the large suite. Looking at the clock, he struggled to see what time it was, and sighed when he realized it was almost five thirty in the morning. 'I can't believe I have been laying here for three hours.' he thought, pushing the covers off of himself as he got up and wandered into the main room of the suite.
Walking out onto the balcony, he leaned up against the railing as the scene Jordan made in the lobby dominated his thoughts. He stood there in the cool night air as he recalled all the frustration he had felt since the night he went after Jordan, only to find her an emotional wreck. Now, after reading the letter, he understood her pain. He couldn't imagine what she was going through, but he had tried to be there for her and she pushed him away repeatedly. Shaking his head, he went inside and dragged a chair from the kitchen table onto the balcony. Before sitting down, he went back inside briefly, and reemerged onto the balcony, a pad of paper and pen in hand.
He plopped his lanky frame onto the plush chair as he looked up at the night sky. He sat silent and unmoving for a moment, before he began writing quickly on the pad of paper. Pausing thoughtfully every few minutes, he finally finished before reading over his work. Smiling faintly, he admired the song lyrics he had poured all his emotion into. 'This is for Jordan...' he thought silently as he read through the lyrics.
"We speak all the same words
We mouth all the same lines
But how come we never hear
No matter how hard we try?
Words starting out right
Always ending so wrong
We heal to hurt again
A pain and love joined strong
Chorus:
When will our words reach the other
in the way they were meant to be?
When will our eyes fully open
to the other we were meant to see?
How long will we pick up the pieces
then watch as they fall apart?
How long 'til the words "I love you"
find a lasting place in our hearts?
I know the love is there
We always come back to try
But how long can it last
With our words making us blind?
Wish our words would open up
Instead of locking away
Wish they could hit the mark
Instead of going astray
Chorus:
When will our words reach the other
in the way they were meant to be?
When will our eyes fully open
to the other we were meant to see?
How long will we pick up the pieces
then watch as they fall apart?
How long 'til the words "I love you"
find a lasting place in our hearts?
Bridge:
I wish we could say what we feel
Without words getting in the way
But somehow "I wish" and "If only"
"When will," "How long," and "So lonely"
End up being all we can say"
©MF 1999
Justin closed the notebook as he got up slowly, and made his way back inside. Placing the notebook on the bedside table, he crawled under the covers and attempted to push thoughts of Jordan out of his mind.
***
"Once more...it's not right. Rachel, if you don't start nailing that dance move, you are gonna hurt somebody! Ashlee, would you PLEASE attempt to think of what the lyrics are on your solo?" Darrin shook his head as he watched Eternity and N Sync stumble through the choreography to "Never Say Goodbye", which was to be the finale of the show.
"I have never seen such a horrible dry run. This soundcheck is a disaster. Let's just pray that they are working all the jitters out now, and everything goes smoothly tonight." Johnny said quietly to Darrin as the two men watched the two groups fail miserably as they attempted the dance once more.
"Would you move your big fat butt?" Tressa shouted at Joey.
"Bite me." he muttered as he wiped the sweat off his face with a white towel.
Leigh glanced at Lance as they exchanged wary looks. They both knew that everyone was getting on each other's last nerve. The spikey haired blonde wandered over to Leigh as she sipped from her water bottle. "So who do you think is gonna go in for the kill first? My bet is on Jordan and Justin...she snapped at him pretty good yesterday morning." he mused, glancing at the rest of the group.
Leigh laughed at Lance's attempt to keep the mood light. "Um...I say Tressa...and anyone who gets in her way. She's been pretty testy lately." she gestured in Tressa's general direction as the fiesty blonde snatched a towel away from Chris. "See what I mean?" she stated, looking Lance in the eye.
"Ok, we're gonna try and get this ONE MORE TIME!" Darrin clapped his hands together as he rolled his eyes. "Let's see if we can act like we practiced this more than once?!"
Justin caught Jordan's eye as the music started up, and a faint smile creeped across his face before dissipating into a frown as Jordan looked away quickly. As Darrin counted off, the two groups threw themselves into the routine, concentrating on nailing it so they could rest before they had to get ready for the show.
***
"Hey Rach, what's wrong?" JC said, noticing the blonde's faint limp as they made their way backstage after the soundcheck.
"Oh, it's nothin...I just twisted it a little doing that stupid dance move that I always almost run over Lance on." she laughed, trying not to show the pain the she felt when she walked.
"Are you sure?" the dark haired man looked down at her ankle, concerned.
"Yes DAD...it's fine. Now go get dressed for tonight and leave me alone." she playfully pushed him toward N Sync's dressing room before continuing on down the hall to Eternity's.
***
"Alright, now I know that you all are really in pissy moods." Lance said, looking pointedly at Tressa, Justin, and Jordan. "But, can you guys please put your testiness aside for two hours? We have a job to do...so leave your problems with each other offstage, and just attempt to concentrate on the show?" Leigh stood next to him, nodding in agreement.
Eternity and N Sync stood backstage, preparing to go on. They could hear the crowd screaming hysterically, and were nervously awaiting the start of their show. The four other girls nodded silently in response to Lance and Leigh, their eyes wide with a mix of nervousness and excitement. Putting away their anger for the time being, they enveloped each other in a tight group hug. All five girls took a deep breath as "Please welcome Sony recording artists...Eternity!" blared over the loudspeaker over the screaming fans. The five girls ran onstage and began their opening dance sequence as the crowd cheered loudly.
***
"And now...we want ya'll to welcome back our good friends Eternity!" JC shouted after finishing 'Tearin Up My Heart'. He glanced to the side of the stage as the girls wandered on, waving and smiling brightly as the crowd went nuts. "Now, we're gonna give you all a little treat. This is something we've never done on any other tour, but we decided that now would be a good time to start. We're gonna do a little duet with our friends Eternity here, called...'Never Say Goodbye'. Enjoy!" he said as he backed into his position for the final song.
'Please God, do NOT let me fall over anyone's feet.' Rachel prayed silently as she concentrated on her dancing. Nearing the part that she always messed up on, she tried extra hard to keep a safe distance from Joey and Ashlee, who were dancing next to her. As she attempted to avoid them, she forgot about Lance standing in front of her. Moving forward, she missed a beat and slipped, barely missing Lance and twisting her ankle sharply. As her ankle gave out, she fell to the floor, letting out a gasp. Her fall knocked the wind out of her as she sat there for what seemed like minutes before getting to her feet, wincing in pain as she finished the dance sequence on her quickly swelling ankle.
"Thanks for coming out ya'll!" Justin shouted into his mic as N Sync and Eternity ran offstage.
They filed quickly down the stage stairs and made their way back to the main room to grab their things and board the bus. Rachel stood in the doorway, her face pale as she grimaced from the immense pain that she felt coming from her throbbing ankle. Tressa walked in behind her, a scowl on her pretty face. "Way to make us look bad...screw up the entire finale Rachel. Learn to dance why don't you?" she commented rudely to the tall blonde.
About to make a comeback, Rachel turned toward Tressa...her eyes glazed over in pain. "Holy shit...you guys I feel really really light headed.." she murmured.
Jordan looked up at her sister quickly, concern in her hazel eyes. "Maybe you should sit down Rachel...you don't look so good. Are you alright?"
Before the blonde could answer, her knees buckled, her lanky body crumpling toward the floor as she blacked out.