HERE'S A WHIMSICAL LOOK AT HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM:
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn - New York.
One hand on wheel, one finger out window - Chicago.
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator - Boston.
One hand on wheel, one hand cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator -
California; with gun in lap - Los Angeles.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror - Ohio,
but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to
someone in back seat - Italy.
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, one hand cradling cell phone, foot on
brake, mind on game - Seattle.
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet
being on either the accelerator or the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the
window - Texas city male.
One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steady at 70
mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in
which case they are on the left side of the road - Texas country male.
One hand constantly refocusing the rearview mirror to show different angles of
the "Big" hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the
helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car,
chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment
- Texas female.
Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the
rearview mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car
- Colorado.
One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out
the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along
the way to be able to return and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other
motorists so as not to litter - Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas
plates.
Four-wheel-drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on
floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna - West Virginia male.
Junker, drivenby someone who previously had a nice car and who is now wearing a
barrel - Las Vegas.
Two hands gripping the wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level,
driving 35 mph on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on
- Florida.
Drives in the left-hand lane at irregular speeds, refusing to move over, loops
to the left before making a right-hand turn - Pennsylvania.
Drives slouched in seat with one arm bracing steering wheel in locked position,
other arm either resting on open window or on stick shift, always has a
baseball cap on (worn in various directions), never drives alone, bass too loud
to hear lyrics of tapes permanently in tape deck, tinted windows, and handgun
in glove compartment - Philadelphia male.
Curly, teased, gelled big hair, driving a beat-up old Chevrolet, Camaro, TransAm
or Mustang, coffee in one hand, the other hand glued to the radio flipping
stations, head turned to yell at passengers, while cutting in front of everybody
- New Jersey female.
Continually runs yellow/red lights doing 60 mph, singing along with radio if
they can find a decent station, thinks everyone else drives too slow and needs
to be pushed along (no matter what the weather conditions), curses when they
have to stop for a red light or avoids red lights altogether by either cutting
across two lanes to make a right or simply making a U-turn, always in a hurry,
and doesn't know the meaning of YIELD - Delaware.
Ears listening intently for any untoward noises, constantly checking rearview
mirror for parts departing car, prayerful look on face as if talking to the
"Prince of Darkness" while checking newly received MasterCard bill to see if he
can call the Roadster Factory just one more time this month - Yup, anyone from
anywhere driving a Triumph.
