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(We join the show back from commercial break)
Jerry: Hi, welcome back! If you're just joining us we just finished talking to Nick Lachey and Justin Jeffre from the old boyband sensation, 98º. And, we found out about their secret relationship which ended up ending the band entirely.
(Camera shoots to the stage and Justin Timberlake is sitting alone)
Jerry:My next guest is another Justin. You were in the band *NSYNC is that correct?
Justin: NO! Ah WAS the band *NSYNC! How do ya like dem apples?
Jerry: Yes, ok then. Would you like to elaborate on that?
Justin:Yeah ok right, ya see, I'm da bomb, I carried dat so called "group!" I sang those songs and it was MAH butt that shacked in the money, da other four were merely decoration to make me look even betta, if possible.
Jerry:Ok then... that brings us to our next guests, please welcome Joey, JC, Lance and Chris.
(A bald Chris, a surprisingly fat JC, a long-haired Lance and a not so surprising dirty Joey, all come out and take a seat)
Jerry:Hi guys, and welcome to the show.
Joey:Hi Jerry, I love the show never miss it.
Lance:OH OH OH Jerry! You had my sister on here, she was the beautiful bride in your "Incest Brings The Family Together" episode, sorry I couldn't make it. I love what you're doing with the set though.. so pretty....
Chris:Heeeeeeyyy! Jerry!!!! I love the show. I especially love Steve your security guy, he's so buff.
JC:Oh shut up Chris. Hi Jerry how's it goin'?
Justin:See what ah had to deal wit?? I HAD to take action. I told you I WAS da group *NSYNC!
JC: Jerry don't listen to him, he's crazy. We kicked him out of the group, he didn't realize he was stuck up and not black.
Justin:The group didn't start goin down till ah refused to go onstage becuz yo ass always went on high and wacked out of your mind yo! It was your crack addiction dat brought us down, I kept us up as long as we was popula!.
Lance:Can I say something Jerry?
Jerry:Yeah go ahead my guests never listen to me anyways.
Lance:I need to tell my old buds; I was born a woman.
Chris, Joey, Justin, JC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jerry: Wait! Why are you all laughing???
Chris:We kinda knew that, no big surprise there ya know?
Lance: What!? You all knew and never said anything?!?
Chris:Well let's see, you would get jealous of me hangin' with Justin and when girls hit on you, you didn't care but when they hit on Justin in front of you, you got pissed off. So we just assumed.
Lance: *screeching* You liar!! You big dirty liar!! That's not true! You slept in his bed, and the only way we got you to take a shower was if Justin took it with you! Ever think I wanna sleep with ya'll too? I AM from Mississippi....
Chris:Shut up, you beat him and then you'd beat on me, poor Chris couldn't express his feelings in a healthier way.
(Lance picks up his chair and throws it across the room towards Chris)
Lance:Shut up! I'm not violent! We went over this how many times. I have trouble venting anger that's all, so shove it, you're wrong!!!!! Don't make me get angry....
(Chris sinks into his chair, cowering)
Jerry:Please don't do this. Control yourself god damnit! Let's move on then, Joey what have you been up to lately?
Joey:I moved back to Brooklyn, and Steven and I now run a bar with a connecting strip club. Good money in it, woman love a man wit money.
(Joey makes his "face" and points at the crowd.. ya'll know what I mean)
Joey: And, if any of you beautiful ladies want a job or just want to "party" give me a call! I'm single and ready to mingle!
JC: Ugh! Get off it already.. that saying is SO played out..
Jerry: Amyway, on with the show... Did any of you settle down.?
Justin:I've been married once, and my divorce was final last month.
Jerry: Ah, yes. That very public and ugly separation with Britney Speares.
Justin: Yo, ah swore.. I only slept wit dat Christina chic once. She was all up on me.. askin for it! Yaknowhatimsayin???
Chris:I've been married four times, I'm currently available, LADIES!
Justin:HAHAHA! Yeah ladies, right Chris!
Lance:I'm still a virgin. I've never been married.
Chris:Well, there's a surprise.
Justin: Yo mean, Topanga neva let you hit dat??? Dayum....
Joey:Actually, I'm actually not actually surprised either..
Lance:Well how about you, you haven't changed! Still fat, ugly and a scrub I see!
Joey:Well drag queen from hell, I was married to Ananda, the MTV VJ, but she left me for another man..er.. men.. um... Justin, Joey McIntyre and Chris to name a few.
Chris:Ananda was my second wife.
Jerry:How about you JC?
JC: It's Joshua now, and, NO, I never married Ananda.
Jerry:No idiot! I mean, did you ever settle down?
JC:I was married for a few hours but I sobered up.
Justin:Yo, ya mean you didn't even get to smack dat shit?
JC:Hey Justin, I know something you don't know!
Justin:And what might dat be?
JC:YOU'RE WHITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Justin looks shocked and sits quietly looking at his arms and hands for about 5 minutes)
Joey:Stop this, can't we all just get along?
Lance:No dumbass, where have you been, we never could. Not like you knew much about what went on when we were on tour anyway. You were always busy with those girls....
Chris:It's all your fault Lance!.
Lance: Scuz! I warned you once... I'm tired of that running mouth of yours. You don't want a repeat of the last time you pissed me off... Do you?!?
Justin:Why don't you shut up for a change, Lance ok?
Lance: I don't want to hurt you Justin... I really don't want to.
Chris: Oh my God! Do you see this insanity Jerry?
(Lance takes off his shoe and flings it at Chris' head, Chris passes out, and Lance takes off stage mumbling.. "I warned them.. time and time again.. I'm from Mississippi damnit... I warened them....)
Justin:Peace yo, I'm out! Dis wack, and ah gots stuff ta do.
(Justin walks off stage, mumbling about his last chance at 15 seconds of fame being wasted)
Joey: Hey Jerry, there a catering table around here?
JC: You haven't changed much.
(JC sniffles and rubs his nose)
Joey: I see you haven't changed much either. Still got that nose cold, eh? Lasted 10 WHOLE YEARS... seems kinda weird to me..
(Camera rolls credits on JC and Joey flopping around on the floor trying to rip each others thinning hair out)
Jerry: (his final thought)-If anyone wants to entertain our society, please seek counseling. By helping yourself you will in the long run be helping others. Thank you for joining us for whatever this was today.
Jerry walks off the set shaking his head. The screen goes black.
THE END ~Brianne